Need some advice...again!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by flsunset, Mar 23, 2013.

  1. flsunset

    flsunset New Member

    My son is now nearly four months into recovering from two severely shattered ankles, his latest and, hopefully, final surgery having been three days ago.

    He had no real job or insurance prior to his accident and, as such, hasn’t paid anything into Social Security, so I’ve been told that he isn’t eligible for SSD, even though his surgeon declared him disabled for at least the next year.

    In addition to his orthopedic issues which are going to be ongoing, he has bipolar and anxiety disorders which are only in the very early stages of being brought under control with medication with the care of a psychiatrist.

    Since my son's injury, I’ve been trying to get the hospital to apply for SS and/or some sort of Medicaid for him since he has no assets or insurance and isn’t covered under my policy or my husband's as he's on early Medicare because of early Alzheimer's disease. They’ve been trying to get our son and me to supply financial information about my husband and my finances (which I had been warned they’d try to do) and are telling him that, since he lives with his dad and me, even though he’s 23 years old, he isn’t eligible for services.

    My husband and I are both on Social Security for our income...he because he became unable to work because of Alzheimer's and me because I'm his sole caregiver. Yes, we do have assets, but I’ve got them protected in a Trust to provide for us and then my husband in the event of my death. Frankly, there is no way we could afford the already astronomical medical bills that our son has been receiving and financially survive for the remainder of our lives.

    I have no idea what to do to help our son while protecting our assets. I'm very disturbed that his providers, while appearing to provide excellent care to a basically indigent 23 year old, are nonetheless very obviously harassing him about medical bills at a time when he is so vulnerable due to his serious ongoing medical conditions. Any advice would be appreciated!
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome back Flsunset, I remember your story. I would tread very, very carefully through all of this. Here in CA. Social Services will try hard to get the parents to take care of their grown kids first, and then when that fails, they will eventually provide services. I do not know how it works where you are, but if need be, it may be a good idea to get an attorney or someone who can advocate for you so that you don't make any mistakes and put your assets in jeopardy. Just because he is living with you should not make you in any way liable for his medical bills. But I am not an attorney, there may be others here who can weigh in with options for you. Just be careful, do some research on the internet, talk to others, get as much information as you can so you are aware of all of it. A friend of mine got a bunch of medical bills sent to him after his mother passed. He had no idea how they even found him he wasn't on any paperwork for her. He threw them all away, he had no legal responsibility for any of that. Good luck with all of that, I think you can find a way to get him the care he needs without it impacting your assets, but you may have to do some research to get answers. (((HUGS)))
  3. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Just a question...has your son actually applied for SSI, or were you told not to bother to apply, because you would be denied?

    Also, I was just with my son at the Social Security office applying for disability for him, and the intake worker volunteered this information: that if my husband and I were on Social Security and our son was disabled, he would be eligible to apply for full benefits. (Don't really understand this, should have asked her to clarify).
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Your son should be eligible for SSI if he is expected to be disabled for a year or more. Now the thing about also being about also being able to get full SSDI only applies if the adult was deemed disabled before age 21 and the parent or parents were also on social security at that time. You need to reapply immediately. Get a lawyer NOW and have them turn in the appeal.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Obviously every state is different.

    In Wisconsin, we got SSDI for my autistic spectrum son. We got the medical cards, but only $200 month in monetary funds because he is living at home. That jumps up considerably once he moves into an apartment, which the county will provide. However, if he has more than $2000 in assets, he doesn't get any money. Not sure about the insurance. We don't have assets so it was fairly easy to get him supports and help. I agree with consulting with a lawyer. Then you'll know your options. I know that here, even with a good lawyer, you have to show your assets if your child lives at home.

    I had a friend with cancer, again here in Wisconsin. She could not get SSDI because she wasn't terminally ill and was expected to go back to work some day. Like I said, each state appears to be different.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I don't know much about what you can or cannot do for your son...but I want to send you hugs and prayers that everything works out and he heals well!
  7. flsunset

    flsunset New Member

    Thanks, everyone...for the advice and good wishes. I don't get why this is all so convoluted and confusing. I almost feel as though I'm involved in some sort of conspiracy.

    The medical case worker at the hospital hasn't returned one of my son's calls and, even when I finally called, I got nothing. This was after they had called me several times to get me to sign paperwork regarding my husband's and my finances, telling me that, if I did supply that information, they could get our son coverage. I don't know much about any of this, but I do know that our son would be denied if his case was based on our assets. Once I declined to give that information to them, asking them to handle my son's case individually since he is an adult, no one wanted to talk to me again.

    However, even though they don't answer my son's calls when he's home, they've come into his hospital room immediately after each of his four surgeries, twice when I happened to be there, when he was groggy and disoriented, to question him about finances. Just the other day, they told him that he wasn't eligible for Medicaid because he lives with us, and we make too much on Social Security. Excuse me? Anyone on SS knows that there is no "making too much!" More upsetting to me was that I never told them anything about what my husband and I make on SS, and my son has no clue, so I'm wondering exactly how they found that out, if they really did. And, even so, this is not about us…it's about him being a disabled and indigent patient!

    I wish I had the upwards of $40K (so far) to spare that he's run up in bills already because I'd pay the d-mn things just to get this off his and my mind! He's in the hospital for the fourth time with severe pain from his two shattered legs, after spending four months in horrible external cage-looking things drilled into the bones of both legs, unable to walk, and he's calling me, crying because he's so freaked out that they're going to refuse to continue caring for him as at least one person has threatened! I'm at home, freaking out along with him while trying to care for my poor husband with Alzheimers who's tearing up because I am and doesn't understand what's going on! I really hate the medical system in this country!

    I think I'm going to have to get an attorney to figure out this mess!
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2013
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If your son didn't live at home you wouldn't be a factor.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Flsunset, I had to laugh when you said you feel like you're involved in a conspiracy, I think in many ways that is a very good assessment. These kinds of things are done with smoke and mirrors, it IS convoluted and confusing, which is why you need an expert to guide you through. I'm glad you're getting an attorney, that will give you the correct information, a road to go down and some peace of mind. I can't imagine how stressful this is for you worrying about your son and caring for your husband. I am so sorry. Hold your ground, get the facts and try to take care of YOU through all of this, I am sure you are exhausted from it all. Do something kind and gentle for yourself, every day, make sure you are getting YOUR needs met, find support for yourself and nurture yourself. (((HUGS))))
  10. flsunset

    flsunset New Member

    Midwest... Hmmm... Maybe I need to get him a motel room for a few months!
    And, Recovering... MY needs involve a one-way ticket to Tahiti, but no one cares!
  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the clarification, Janet.