Thank you for all of your responses. Here's the long version:
It's not just ODD alone, there's also problems with short-term working memory (he lags academically in comparison to other kids of the same age) and his father has been in and out of his life most recently joining the Army. He spent the first 4 years of his life surrounded by our toxic marriage. He's also very immature for an 8 year old.
He tends to only display defiant behavior in school towards adults (escalating this year) when he becomes frustrated with himself, and thus brings on low self-esteem. Many teachers don't know how to connect with him and other do. The ones that he feels confident around experience little to no problem at all. I have made some classroom changes and things have quieted down by 80% which is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Things were hairy for a while there. He still does display some disrespect toward his reading teacher but we're working on that.
He is in a special class for reading 3 times a week.
I had him go through a very comprehensive evaluation because at first we were suspecting ADHD. After 6 hours total of testing the psychologists came up with ODD, along with some learning problems, fears of abandonment (probably some anxiety there) and low self-esteem. I will also be willing to admit that while he was very young I let a lot of bad behavior slip under the radar because I was too self-absorbed in my failing marriage. Trying to start discipline late in the game was difficult.
He tends to do well with other kids for the most part, sometimes getting a bit too hyper but no more than some of the other boys. He's not very distructive but will throw or knock over objects in anger at adults if he feels that an adult is angry with him, or does not approve of his behavior because in his mind that means they don't approve of him. He says very frequently "people don't like me".
He tends to talk too much and I think some of the kids find that annoying although he can relate and get along well with kids of various ages. He does have friends. What upsets me is I think the parents at daycare worry that he's capable of hurting the younger kids which really he wouldn't do. I feel that he's very misunderstood and it bothers me because I feel I have been shunned from some of the other parents. I'm not ready to approach them just yet.
He's never mean toward animals, breaks property or hits other children. He does have a guilty conscious and doesn't like to hurt people's feelings. Usually he apologizes for his behavior on his own if things escalate too much after he calms down. Like I said a lot of this is aimed toward adults that do not understand him and that show frustration toward him. It's all about pleasant talk, encouragement and positive renforcement and he will do whatever you want.
I do not experience much issues at all outside of school. Home life is pretty good.
His father has major aggression issues stemming from some alcohol abuse and has never been able hold down a job or a relationship for very long. It's a catch 22 but I believe that his father being away at the Army is better for everyone. I don't want my son exposed to his temper, drinking, and his father refuses to do anything about it. That ship has sailed.
I do have a very nice man in my life for the past 3 years that can kind of fill that void. I know you can never replace a parent, I don't expect him to but it's nice having a positive male figure around.
So..next step now that I have all of the paperwork is to take it to a counsellor and nip things in the bud before he gets to highschool.
Sorry for the novel..any other questions or input are welcomed. Thanks.