New here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MommaMia, Dec 27, 2013.

  1. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    I wanted to introduce myself and say hello. I have a daughter (14) who has ODD, ADD, Impulse control problems and some substance abuse problems. My husband and I have no other children, and our hearts are breaking. She is in a dual-diagnosis treatment center, and not doing well there either. She was always a good student and never gave us problems until 2 years ago. At the same time, she suffered a concussion and severe thyroid problems.

    I am glad I found this forum, and look forward to giving and receiving support. I belong to another social on-line forum, but we use different acronyms. Can you tell me what you use for daughter ect? Thanks so much.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome MommaMia to our little corner of the world; you have found a soft place to land. I'm sorry your daughter is struggling so much right now. If you look under site/help and resources and go to board abbreviations/acronyms you will see the terms we use.

    The child who brought us here is our difficult child (gift from God).
  3. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    Thanks you for the reply!

    Our daughter is also doing poorly in school, suspended constantly. How do all of you deal with the heart ache? I cry so much. My husband is sad, but is dealing better with this then I am. We miss her so much but when she is here, there are constant struggles, fights, and no "normal" anymore.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There is help...and usually hope. Can you give us some background on your daughter and has anyone tested her to see if the concussion is the reason why she now has behavioral problems? What sort of drugs does she use that you are aware of. Has a neuropsychologist ever evaluated her? Does she have an IEP in school?

    Is she your biological child? Both parents living with her? Any abuse in her background that you know of?

    Drugs alone are enough to really change any child...

    Looking forward to hearing more and so sorry for your hurting mommy heart.
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    MommaMia- Welcome, you will find a wonderful support group here. Im sorry you, your husband and daughter are going through this. You said it only started 2 years ago when her concussion and thyroid started, those can have an effect but as MidwestMom said so can the drugs. Getting her clean is of course the first big obstacle and her thyroid issue I know is another, my sis has a thyroid issue and she suffers a lot. Therapy as you know will help, and is she on any medications for her ODD/ADD and Impulse Control Issues? ( Dont know if you can medicate for Impulse Control and I know usually with ODD you cant either but some medications might ease the symptoms) Hugs
  6. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

  7. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    She is our biological daughter. She has an IEP in school for Emotional Disturbance. Yes, husband and I live together and have been married for 18 years. Evaluated by Neurologist, neuropsychologist MD, Therapists (4) and physicians. Only drug is alcohol, in early stages of using, but escalated quickly. No abuse or trauma. Recently given Stratera and Zoloft. Takes thyroid medications. husband has bipolar disorder which has been under control for years with medications. Lots of support and love for dear daughter from us and other close family members.

    Will be getting another full neuro evaluation when she finishes the program in the facility. Has minor run ins with the law, but again, behavior is escalating. Court dates and probation is getting over-whelming for us, and costs of lawyer is getting expensive.

    husband and I want to take her out when she reaches her 30 day stay next week, but the counselor said she is not progressing and needs to stay- again so heart-breaking, but we are not sure staying in treatment is the answer. Any advice? We do not want to enable her either, just to be clear here.

    Thanks so much.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2013
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am going to suggest that you post on "Substance Abuse" where everyone is or was at one time dealing with the same exact issues. I am also guessing that most there, including me, would urge you to keep her in treatment. You can't do as much as they can and you don't really know for sure how deep into drugs she is. My daughter fooled us for a long time. Once she quit, she informed us, to our shock, that she had been using meth, psychedelics, and had even tried heroin. We had thought we were dealing with pot and a little alcohol. Drug users are sneaky. My now sober daughter would definitely advise the same. She would caution, however, that until your daughter WANTS to quit, she will not quit. You need to give her incentive and that does not mean wrapping her in cotton and giving her the good life. Tough life is far more effective in making them think over the results of their poor choices.

    If your daughter's behavior is escalating, you really need to swallow the pain and step up. You only have until she is eighteen to do anything to help her. After that, she can disregard anything you say and decide to get no help at all. And many of our kids have done just that.

    Stop the bleeding!!!!

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    HUGS. It is heart breaking. She needs to stay where she is. You need to seek therapy for you and your husband. It is also helpful to join an ALANON group and perhaps a codependent support group. Given your husbands diagnoses there maybe more going on with her.


    I understand your heartbreak. My 12 year old son has had multiple inpatients during the past 5 years. He may wind up in Residential one day and it hurts too much to even talk about it. I will say one thing: it may not feel this way, but it is actually a good thing that she is exhibiting these behaviors while inpatient so they can help her more. Sometimes kids go in and don't exhibit the symptoms and its harder to know what's really going on. I know how painful this is, but I would leave her in there for now. I hope you can find some peace.
  11. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    Thank you all so very much for your advice. So hard to take it all in, but I guess we will have to keep her in treatment at the facility. How do all of you get over the heart ache and go on with life? I work full-time, but it is getting harder to work when I am so sad. I am blessed to be able to work from home sometimes, which helps.

    I too am afraid my daughter will wind up in residential treatment for months at a time. We have tried everything under the sun for her the past two year. As most of you know, sometimes nothing works.

    I will post this on the substance abuse thread also.


    Hugs to you. I wish I could encourage you but I'm in the same place. I don't know how to change things. One thing I am going to do is get therapy for myself because I feel like I'm breaking down and that will not help my son. Just know you are not alone.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, are you in therapy for yourself? This kind of heartache is deep and you probably need help to get to the point where you can enjoy your life in spite of your daughter's problems. You can learn to love her, but also realize that she is a different person from you and that you CAN have a good life even though she is struggling. Ultimately there is nothing you can do to make her work on herself to get better and worrying about her at the expense of having no life of your own will NOT NOT NOT help her one bit. You need to take care of yourself or you won't be good for anyone, including your daughter.
  14. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    Midwest, I do see a therapist occasionally, and I am taking mild medication to help with this stress. I guess I need to see a therapist more. We also do group therapy and family counseling.

    I just feel so hopeless, almost in shock and denial, then so sad.
  15. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    Facility counselor called, she is actually being discharged in two days. She went AWOL for 10 minutes last night, and is also not doing anything the facility asks of her. We are so scared, because of her defiance. How can we parent her?


    I REALLY feel for you. I wish I had an answer. I'm a but surprised that they wouldn't keep her longer BECAUSE of her defiance. If she does that in there, how do they expect you to deal with it? I know that most times when difficult child would be d/c from hospital, there was a "honeymoon" period and then it all started again. I have been thinking so much this past week about how to change things at home. My husband finds all the disrespect and aggression so hard to deal with and I'm left trying to figure it all out. Something has to give somewhere. The situation here is not good for anyone. Thinking of you. PM me if you'd like...:)

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders
  17. MommaMia

    MommaMia New Member

    Stressed, husband also is upset by difficult child's disrespect, she started today with cursing ect. She may be in trouble for violating her plea deal (running away from the facility). She has minor charges, but probation called us today- New Year's day, upset that she ran away from a facility she voluntarily went to. Never ends. You can PM if you would like I tried to PM you but didn't know how.


    Actually I'm not exactly sure how to do it I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I hope things get better....
  19. Jess5277

    Jess5277 New Member

    I have no words of wisdom for you but want you to know that you are not alone and you are a strong mama! Sending you cyber hugs!

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders