New Here

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Albatross, Feb 21, 2014.

  1. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I stumbled onto this forum and have been lurking for a few days. I will spare you the details but will say that I could have written many of these posts. It it hard to believe how many years it has been that I have sought to place blame on things outside my difficult child for his problems...the wrong crowd, the needy girlfriend, the teacher who didn't understand him, the substance use, being too hard on him, being too easy on him... I am starting to see that the excuses stop when *I* say they do. HE may never see that his choices are what put him where he is, but *I* can see it. I can't control his choices, I can't control the trouble they cause, but I CAN at least say that he will be the one to bear the effects. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and thanks for the wisdom.
     
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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Keep coming back, Alb...I'm sorry you need to.

    Plus: This ultimately makes us much better people all the way around. That is the silver lining.

    And, be kind to yourself. We get it when we get it. We can't get it before we get it. One more thing that is.
     
  3. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Welcome I did things a little different instead of making excuses I blamed everything on myself & their X father. Guilt is a real bad one for bogging you down and getting you stuck in a bad situation, so I try to avoid the blame game or figuring out why? Mostly focus on how to fix it (yes got a long way to go on the detachment path) or how to accept that some things are just broken.

    Nancy
     
  4. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    Welcome here. You can tell us your story if it helps to get it out...or just read along with ours...we are all different, and yet we arrive at so many of the same thoughts and places! I am glad we an help you, even if you are silent.
    Echo.
     
  5. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the welcome. Basically what brought me here is my son, age 21. I call him the Evil Genius. He was the *perfect* child we never had to worry about, then he hit his teens and it all went south. He uses his intelligence to creatively avoid responsibility and manipulate other people into taking care of him so he can get high all night and sleep all day. He has destroyed relationships with everyone who liked him, loved him or tried to help him. He thrives on dangerous situations and high drama and is lucky he hasn't gotten into some *real* trouble (as in death or prison), though I suppose it is only a matter of time if he doesn't change. I could not make any sense out of what was going on until I started reading about sociopathic personality traits, then it was as if the pieces fell into place. I hope some personal growth does come out of this, as I don't really like some of the ways I have reacted to all of this. Again, happy to be here.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We are here for you if you want to vent more or get feedback. As I like to say, we are on call 24/7 and the price is right ;) and we're glad to have you on board, although sorry you had to be here. You are not the only one who has an adult difficult child with antisocial traits. And, yes, we do grow from our difficulties.
     
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