new therapist is calling cps on us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pepsichic9115, Feb 24, 2010.

  1. pepsichic9115

    pepsichic9115 New Member

    Ok some of you may remember the issues we were having with our old psychiatrist (didn't know what to do for difficult child) so we switched to a new office with a new therapist and a new psychiatrist (who we still haven't gotten in with). Today was our 2nd appointment with therapist. Last week she had difficult child pick an animal to represent each family member. Dad was a lion, I was a "queen" cobra, difficult child was a cheetah. The siblings were mostly appropriate animals. I told therapist that part of the problem is that the cheetah thinks it should be equal to the lion and cobra. difficult child agreed and proudly stated that's just how it should be.
    This week therapist and difficult child went back alone and difficult child told therapist she's scared of dad and that he smacks her (not true) and all these other horror stories of abuse and now therapist is calling cps on us!!
    I think I have figured out what difficult child is trying to do. She sees dad as the only one stronger than her and wants him out so she can overpower me and rule!!!
    Help me. What do I do in this situation
     
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The best you can do is weather the storm. therapist has to notify CPS if there is sufficient chance, and she doesn't know difficult child well enough yet to know if she's lying or not. She can't take the chance that she's not lying, she has to notify. Failure to do so is to fail to support a child who might genuinely be in crisis. Especially if therapist is young, she may not yet be cynical about CPS.

    If CPS do their job properly, then you should all be in the clear. The thing is - every time you get investigated and cleared, reduces difficult child's chances of succeeding with this ploy. So it is in your interests to cooperate, even though it is frustrating and feels like a major waste of time.

    Just make sure you have all your ducks in a row. You have other kids who will be interviewed by CPS. What are they likely to say?

    If you know you've done nothing wrong, any of you, then breathe easy. And keep telling yourself - therapist was doing her job. How would you feel if a child was genuinely in need (say, being molested by the babysitter and the parents not knowing this) and therapist did nothing?

    It's a very difficult call for any therapist to make, but failure to make that call and to act even on mere suspicion, is against their professional rules.

    Marg
     
  3. Gran2Angels

    Gran2Angels Member

    Pepsichic9115,

    I am sick to my stomach reading your post. I can feel the pain in your cry for help. I am so sorry for you and your family.

    I have not read your previous posts, but if you are still on good terms with the old psychiatrist, do you think he/she could be of assistance to enlighten new psychiatrist of difficult child's manipulation here?

    Your other children are so young, or maybe they could have been interviewed to tell the truth of the situation.

    There are wise and resourceful warrior moms here that will execellent advise for you, I'm sure. You are most certainly in my thoughts and prayers.

    Gran
     
  4. pepsichic9115

    pepsichic9115 New Member

    I don't in any way fault therapist here. She is young and I know she is just doing her job. I too am a mandatory reporter so I know how it is. I am just so ticked at difficult child trying this. I know well be all cleared. I'm not worried in the least but I would sure love to call her on her manipulation. Which I won't do til all is said and done with cps. Me and dad are meeting with therapist sans difficult child next week so hopefully we can give her a better idea of how it really is around here.
     
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    About all you can do is jump thru the hoops. Maybe, just maybe, they'll have some additional ideas/supports for you when they discover the root of the allegations.
     
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Remember CPS does not have the right to enter your home, interview you or your children without a warrant signed by a judge. CPS investigative procedures do not overrule the US Constitution.
     
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Since you're also a mandatory reporter, then you have some idea of what to expect. I agree, it's a darned nuisance especially if difficult child has deliberately done this to cause trouble.

    If difficult child has done this out of a misplaced sense of injustice, then he's in for a shock and (hopefully) a lesson in perspective.

    Meanwhile, it's one more thing you could do without. Breathe, try to un-knot your stomach muscles and tell yourself that every time an accusation is unfounded, you look rosier and difficult child looks muddier.

    We had something similar happen with us when difficult child 3 was 2 years old. He had no diagnosis, we knew there was a problem but we couldn't get any help. Didn't even know where to start. The doctor kept saying there was nothing wrong and accusing me of attention-seeking when I kept saying, "I think there's something wrong."
    Next thing, the child care agency called the welfare authorities on me because of difficult child 3's language delay and our alleged inaction. I got treated like a criminal and neglectful mother, caught in Catch 22 logic. My own disability was seen either as a manifestation of my own "mental instability" or my physical inability to parent.

    But when it got sorted - never again. They know the full story now, and nobody has ever tried that one again. If they did, it would get thrown out.

    It was upsetting at the time, though.

    Marg
     
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Been there done that FOUR count that FOUR times! Two were from a school that didn't want my kids there (I wouldn't allow them to be classified as Emotionally Disturbed rather than Autistic), one was when difficult child 1 told an ambulance driver (as he was being transported to a Psychiatric Hospital) that he was going to kill everyone, and the last was by his therapist (difficult child 1 had an old bruise on his forehead from falling out of a hammoc and when he was asked he couldn't remember how it happened).

    Just go with it - they can usually spot a difficult child in a heartbeat!

    Beth
     
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You do what they ask and hope and pray that it results in additional supports for your difficult child. You also hope that she suffers a bit from this claim and learns to never do it again.

    HUGS!
     
  10. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    When CPS came calling on use we were terrified! But she really only wanted to make sure the child was living in a safe environment and was not easily fooled. She knew what signs to look for. difficult child does not. CPS should also look for consistency in the story. They will likely ask difficult child the same questions with different approaches. It is hard to keep up a good lie when responding in more then one direction. You will get through it and end up in a position where you will have more available to support your fight for resources. Sorry it had to happen.
     
  11. compassion

    compassion Member

    In my experirence, this is part of the mania, wanitng to be in control. Do you have an advocate like a therapist that can vouch that your daughter is mentally ill (she has a mood disorder and is on antipychoitc). I have been thoguh this several times and the last time I had so much documentation about my daughter;s illness that they dropped it, had me sign a safety plan. (In our case difficult child was raging phycially with us) We had this well documaneted from a variety of MH professionals pus she had been hospitalized.
    Here is what I lwarned: try to stay very,very very calm. It is so hard but the more nervous and defensive, they can use that. You do have rights. I consulted attorneys and knew not to take it persaonnly,that there was abslutey no leg to stand on.
    It is important to hold yoiur groud, to not let your ill difficult child's blackmail campaign intimidate you.
    Keep nurtuing you. This is so stressful!!! ((( )))) Compassion
     
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Wow ~ I have to say this isn't the first time I've heard this. The school district pulled this on me twice. Personally, I jumped through the hoops put in front of me. In the meantime CPS began to see mighty big "red flags" in the tweedles (nearing 8 at the time).

    All you can do is what everyone above stated - jump through the hoops; have documentation on hand (I had 2 6" binders - one for each tweedle). If you don't have documentation start documenting everything & I mean everything so if this happens again it's a no brainer.

    Our difficult children, by the very nature of their illness/disorder, have very skewed thought patterns & sense of reality. Protect yourselves & your difficult child.
     
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    PepsiChic--

    I wanted to offer you some ((((hugs))) and support. I've never been throught he CPS process myself...although I have contacted them in the past for advice and assistance with our difficult child. I found them very understanding. Seems they are quite familiar with the phenomenon of "difficult children".

    I also noticed something....you daughter assigned animals based on how she sees the family. She assigned you the snake (not very flattering, to be sure)--but more interesting was that she assigned both her Dad and herself the big cats. The lion and the cheetah.

    It sounds to me as though she thinks of herself as being on equal footing with her father....and you--the snake...are in the way.

    How does Dad handle this? Is he very supportive of you? Does he sometimes take difficult child's "side" during a conflict and make her think that she does not have to listen to you because Dad is on her side?
     
  14. maxeygirls

    maxeygirls New Member

    We've been investigated as well but not because of difficult child but because of an ER doctor when I first had her admitted into a biobehavioral unit who claimed that I either planned to or already had abused my children.
    The CPS worker said the best thing I did was to have a sheet of paper with contact info for the pediatrician, friends and family, former doctors and anyone else who had witnessed the issues. I even had the number to the kids corner at my local grocery store and the manager (they'd witnessed her behavior at a reduced level and since I grew up here I spoke with them frequently). She called the doctors and grocery store within a day then picked one or two personal contacts, Im sure she believed she could get more truth and less emotion and loyalty from professional contacts.
    I don't know if this would or wouldn't help in your situation but I do agree with everyone else that the more times difficult child tries this and the case is found in your favor, the less likely they are to take it seriously. I have a friend who has frequent dealings with CPS due to a runaway difficult child and neighbors who don't care for living with a screaming kid. She gave me the best advice at all when I called her in a panic; if you are innocent then treat them as an ally and be fully open. CPS is a normal occurence in her life and every time the process is shorter and shorter.
    My thoughts are with you, stay strong!
     
  15. pepsichic9115

    pepsichic9115 New Member

    Daisy
    That is a really good observation. I do agree she thinks she is equal to dad. But I don't think she see me as in the way but more him. She is trying to get him out of the house. She told therapist that when we were talking about separating this last summer, that she was happy cuz she wants him gone. I believe she sees me as a non threat and dad is the only one in her way to ruling this house. He is the dominate cat but she wants to be in that position.

    Thank you everyone for your advice. This isn't my first time dealing with cps. My middle daughter's dad has sent them my way many times---all unfounded. The lady stopped by yesterday and talked to my husband a little and left her card for me to call and set up a meeting with her. She talked to difficult child at the school and is obviously not too convinced. She didn't even talk to any of my other kids.
     
  16. pepsichic9115

    pepsichic9115 New Member

    Daisy
    That is a really good observation. I do agree she thinks she is equal to dad. But I don't think she see me as in the way but more him. She is trying to get him out of the house. She told therapist that when we were talking about separating this last summer, that she was happy cuz she wants him gone. I believe she sees me as a non threat and dad is the only one in her way to ruling this house. He is the dominate cat but she wants to be in that position.

    Thank you everyone for your advice. This isn't my first time dealing with cps. My middle daughter's dad has sent them my way many times---all unfounded. The lady stopped by yesterday and talked to my husband a little and left her card for me to call and set up a meeting with her. She talked to difficult child at the school and is obviously not too convinced. She didn't even talk to any of my other kids.
     
  17. jcox

    jcox New Member

    Personally I would not bring daughter back to see this psychiatrist again. I would switch her and quickly. I would make a parent report as found here: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f7/parent-input-multi-disciplinary-evaluation-10/. When DCF came to our house last year because the principal at Elijah's school called them on us because he thought Elijah was not getting all the help he needed, the DCF worker was really impressed by this. I would also get all the information about her diagnoses, therapy reports, school reports, etc into a binder or folder to show the worker who comes to your house. Although the therapist was a mandated reporter, I would still not be comfortable bringing my child back to see her, or if I did I would attend every single counseling session from here out. That just breaks the bond of trust that is needed for professional relationships to build.
     
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The decision to move on or not - it's a tricky one. On the one hand, trust has been broken. On the other hand, tdocs are mandatory reporters. What if you move on and the next therapist also reports you? You end up running out of tdocs.

    I remember a fairly common situation in a health consumer group I used to be involved in, where people would "move on" without trying to work at the relationship, at the first sign of possible dispute with a doctor or therapist. While you shouldn't stay with someone who you simply can't get on with, I do feel it's important to be sure that all bridges have been well and truly burned before you move on. I remember one woman who would pull her daughter out from seeing a doctor, just because she believed that in his writings, that doctor had said something she felt was at odds with the care she wanted for her daughter. In one case she was bad-mouthing a doctor who I know had not said things she was accusing him of. I found the evidence she had blamed him for, read it closely, found she had made a wrong assumption (she had misread what he wrote, claimed it was something else) and even after she saw she was wrong, she still would not take her daughter back to the bloke. He was a good man, very compassionate, but the end result fort his woman was there was nobody left to take her daughter to, except the increasingly lunatic fringe. The quality of care available to this girl went down and down, while the family's costs went up (because lunatic fringe are crazy about making money, first).

    Maybe I err too far on the other side - but I will try and resolve any misunderstandings and help the doctor understand the situation did not warrant reporting, go back after the authorities have visited, checked things out and found there to be no case. That way this therapist will be less likely to report you again, since any concerns have been checked out and addressed.

    Sometimes it's better to stand and fight accusations, especially if you are sure they have no basis. If you stand and face them, you can choose where you stand, you have some say in how things go. But if you're always running, you end up with a string of previous docs and tdocs and that alone makes you look either guilty or desperate. It also greatly interferes with good continuity of health care.

    Marg
     
  19. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We have had CPS called on us several times. We did insist on Kanga being moved from the teacher that did it because it was clearly a hostile act on her part -- no true thought that anything was wrong other than she was trying to force us to do what she wanted re: IEP. Even after it came back "unfounded" and CPS read her the riot act about false reporting she was still an arrogant $^%.

    The therapist that called on us, called and told me right after and was almost in tears about it. Now that she knows it is a manipulation, she is taking pains to document in such a way that Kanga cannot pull this again.
     
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, JJJ. Very aggravating.

    Pepsichik, sounds like the brief visit wasn't that big of a deal. You will be able to explain more during the appointment. The CPS person may even be able to give you some ideas.

    Best of luck!
     
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