I'm so sorry you are going through this nightmare. I have gone, and still am, going through it. I thought I was past all of this and this time is bad. Sadly, pot is so widespread now in the movies and TV. I see it a lot on Two and a Half Men (I don't watch it but hubby does) and I recently watched a movie where a judge and sherriff were smoking pot together. Some smokers I know have told me they smoked with their parents! They have also told me it makes you tired and zaps your motivation.
My difficult child can look you straight in the eye and lie to you, he is manipulative to get money, and every girlfriend he has had, except one, has expected me to support them. He is 33 and moved out at 19,
thank heavens! His relationships don't last long the last one is 37, I have met one time, and I had to call the police to stop her harrassing calls. They fight and he cuts himself and threatens suicide. Sounds like out of control middle schoolers doesn't it? She would tell me what a bad mother I was, I was the reason he was so f***** up and for a short time I let her get to me. That is what motoivated me to find this forum for support. I don't think anyone can do this alone, it's just to painful.
I have had my son in every possible program I could find. He was court ordered to rehab twice. I think any rehab helps them even if they don't want it. My son would not participate in counseling, so I went and it does help.
There are no cookie cutter answers, when I first started in this nightmare (so many years ago I am embarrassed to admit them ) I looked everywhere for an answer to my question of 'how do I get him to stop'? There is not one. It's his choice, and that in itself is scary. We have no control over whether they stop or not. He may not use in your home, but if he wants to continue to use he will find a way.
My saving grace is that he was the youngest, and my spouce of 12 years is not his father so he is not emotionally attached as I am and helps me to look at things logically.
My son was never diagnosed with mental problems, but I think he has some, either born with or drug induced I don't know which.
This online book was written by a family therapist ands she tells her sad story of not being able to help her son, she gives good advice.
https://web.archive.org/web/2012010...hange.com/relationships/letgo/book-intro.html
There are a lot of grest books recommended by the members and I wish they had been available when my difficult child started his drug use.
My huge problem was feeling guilt for working a lot to get us, and keep us, out of poverty. Looking back now I realize his dad was a drug user, we started out well with our marriage and after 8 years he was fired for selling drugs from his company truck and we lost everything. He walked out and I was left to support 2 children on a clerical salary.
My guilt made me a huge enabler! Every book I have read says to stop the money and stop enabling them. It's a fine line to follow and I did not realize how much I was enabling my difficult child. I recently made a bio for my son and I read it each time I start feeling weepy, it helps me stay strong.
My 33 yo gifted son quit his job to go to college full time. Who did he think was going to support him? never crossed his mind. He was conning me for money by telling me he was homeless and I was tryting to help him finish that semester since he was on the Dean's List. It was all a lie! They were livng with her mother and fight a lot, party a lot, and he had been kicked out. She was sent to detox and he Backer Acted himself.
This time he is homeless and jealous controlling girlie has helped him cut all ties with friends and family. I keep busy and volunteer, it's his life and his choices. Find a hobby, exercise, and read all of the self help books you can. We all know exactly what you are going through!!!!
(((blessings for you and yours)))