Welcome! You will not find a better place for help and support with your child and your life. Not anywhere.
While the psychiatrist is concerned about side effects, and it is important to weigh those, he is playing a very dangerous game with your child's very life.
Bipolar disorder, untreated, has a 30% mortality rate. That means that 30 out of 100 people with bipolar will commit suicide or cause their deaths in some manner. This is out of the Bipolar Child. I have seen it substantiated elsewhere.
Even if that number is artificially high, there is still too much risk to leave a child unmedicated. The present theory is that bipolar is caused by seizures in the brain. Not necessarily ones that can be found on an eeg, but still seizures. It explains why many of the first line mood stabilizers are anti seizure medications.
Each mood swing creates a pathway. Over time these pathways, which cause and contribute to the mania and depression and mixed states, get stronger and stronger. They start as a thin path through the trees. The more you travel that path the more obvious and wider the path becomes. Before long it is paved with concrete. Eventually it is a 6 lane expressway.
Early and consistent treatment can help keep it at the dirt trail stage. Or closer to it than not.
What you see as "ok but some mania" may be mixed states, stuck between the extremes but not at "normal'.
Please get another opinion. Do some research on the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundations website - cabf.org .
ODD is NOT a great diagnosis. Yes, it will tell you what she is doing. It doesn't even TRY to address the WHY she is doing it part. A good diagnosis points you in the direction of help. ODD doesn't.
Traditional parenting and sticker charts and chips and token economies just don't work with difficult children. No matter what you do it will not work long term if you stick to those things.
Check out the collaborative parenting sites recommended above. It seems like it is catering to the child, counterintuitive pretty much. But it can WORK. That is what is important. It can work LONG TERM.
ODD behaviors are usually caused by another untreated disorder. Or one that is poorly treated. If she is off medications and is bipolar she CAN NOT BEHAVE THE WAY YOU WANT HER TOO. CAN not, not WILL not. No matter what she tries she will get it wrong. It is teh disease that you have chosen not to treat for a while.
Once you truly accept that you will be able to help by finding a medication combo that works. Otherwise this is just going to spread (the odd behavior). LOTS of us have found that with proper treatment, medications and therapy, the odd disappears. It isn't magical, and they still mess up and are difficult children, but they are not as tough to live with.
Did the psychiatrist (shrink) tell you that MOST medications for bipolar take MONTHS to get to the therapeutic level? And the patient needs to be at that level for 6-8 weeks for it to work??? I am betting he did not. My daughter takes Keppra for seizures. It is starting to be used as a mood stabilizer according to one of our doctors. It took us a full YEAR to get her up to the therapeutic level. Every medication increase takes 2-3 MONTHS to get to the level and 6 more weeks to have the full effects.
Every time you stop medications it should be done over a period of weeks to months. medications must be titrated down very slowly or really bad things can happen. Even a person with no history of seizures will have seizures if you stop the medication cold turkey. Antidepressants, which are NOT good for bipolar no matter WHAT the psychiatrist says, have nasty nasty withdrawal symptoms. Google lexapro withdrawal or effexor withdrawal and it will make your hair stand on end.
antidepressants (AD's) are rx'd for bipolar by many many psychiatrists and other docs. Sadly, the approved medication protocol by the Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists AND the Academy of Psychiatrists both say that AD's should NOT be given until the patient has been stable on mood stabilizers for a period of time.
Mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics are the first two types of medications used. It often takes 2 mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic to stabilize a patient. AD's will send a bipolar patient into major mood cycling. Ask a couple of the moms who have bipolar what an AD does. MidwestMom would share her experiences I am sure.
Please think about what I ahve said. research it yourself. We are here to give support any way we can.
Oh, and many kids pick one parent, usually the mom, to direct the problem behaviors to. They pick the parent they feel truly loves them unconditionally. They relax and let it all out with us because they feel we will love them no matter what. Kind of a mean backhanded compliment, if you ask me. But it is what it is.
Hugs and welcome!
Susie