Nothing difficult child does will suprise me now....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, May 8, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I want to start by saying I just need to post this. I am okay.
    I am in this strange place of reality and realization that I raised him better and he is choosing this....

    I left my son's father when my son was 6 mths old because of his druguse. (yes, pregnant with easy child) I chose the hard road to keep my kids away from drugs, to say we struggled at times is an understatement.

    One of my son's difficult child gfs called looking for him today. easy child said he doesn't live here anymore, she said oh I know he is living with me but staying out here and there. She went into great detail
    about how cool her dad was. She went on to say how they had "partyed" with him all weekend. Smoking pot and drinking.

    I can't say this for his dad, but my son was raised better. I can't figure out which one I am more disappointed with.

    It just makes me sick with both of them. I won't even go into what this does to easy child.

    But, it goes to show. We can do all in our power to help,teach,change,prevent,fix,etc. If our difficult child's choose to live a different way then that is what will happen.

    I have accepted this. I will have no part of difficult child living this way. I am seeing that I have no more control over my son's drug use than I had over his father's drug use.


    This just goes along with all the recent post, I did everything humanly possible to keep this from happening......and despite all my efforts it happened anyway
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    HH, you have come a long way. Good for you! :bravo:

    I tell myself that nothing Rob does will surprise me...but trust me, you don't want to say's almost like putting a jinx on it...because they will!

  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You are SO right, HH...

    I attend AA weekly. I sit with the same group of 5 or 6 people for the last 3 years now. Every Saturday, one of us sits down, whining about something that ticked them off during the past week. Every week, someone reminds them that the ONLY THING we have control over is ourselves.

    And that carries on into our entire lives. Just before I got clean 3 1/2 years ago, difficult child 1 (Basset Hound) read me the riot act and told me that she was going to take ME to court and take difficult child 2 away from me if I didn't get clean. She went on and on about pot being disgusting, blah blah blah. And she was right. By the grace of God, I did get clean.

    Abd now she is a pothead.

    God, grant me the serenity...
  4. judi

    judi Active Member

    Unfortunately, husband and I play the "what is difficult child thinking game" too! I think its human nature to want to figure things out.
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad you have accepted that there is nothing you can do, and it does sound like you are o.k.

    Now go out and do something nice for you, because you deserve it!!
  6. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    I have no advice, hearthope.

    Sometimes, there is nothing to say.

    I am glad you are seeing things honestly and calling what is happening what it is.

    For what it is worth, we devoted something like fifteen years of our lives to trying to motivate difficult child.

    And we never once believed it was his drug use.

    So hearthope, in a way, painful as this time is for you, be glad for yourself and your family that you DO see the root of the problem.

    Whatever the next fifteen years bring for you and yours, at least you will not spend them fixated (as husband and I did) on where we had gone wrong and how to help.

    You are exactly right, hearthope.

    Your son was raised to know better.

    And just like mine, he is choosing the path he is walking.

    And one day, he may choose to walk that other path you prepared him to take.

    And there is not a thing in the world wrong with calling that spade a spade.

  7. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I've spent almost 7 yrs with the blame myself and fix it game.

    All those test, all those docs and all those therapist.

    Hey, but now we know the root of the evil!

    If I get another chance to do it over ~ I am going to do the drug test first!lol
  8. Jen

    Jen New Member

    It is hard to accept esp. if you were brough up to take the high road, and good will come out of it. Guess there is no gaurentee.

    I hope your not sitting over there beating yourself up thinking that your ex has won, cuase he hasnt. someday your son will see the light.