Jeppy,
First off hugs to you during this difficult time, you are not alone here. I am in the same position with my difficult child, in a program at the jjc, and I know how stressful it is. I also feel you made the right decision, a hard lesson learned for our difficult child's but not bailing them out I feel falls under not enabling or saying it's okay for the abuse towards us to happen. Our difficult child's first violent episode charge landed him in jjc 24 hrs, 2nd charge 14 days, this time he was placed into a theraputic program (still at the jjc, but seperate from detention), where he earns his way out. Best case scenrio 8 months total. He has never refused contact with me, but I have not visited certain weeks when he is in denial, playing the blame game, or just being disrespectful during the previous visit. I play the tough love card consistently now, he does not like it, oh well. From this board I have learned to be stronger, and yet still be supportive, with statements like the one from Janet --"he understands where the repsonsibility lies, squarly on his shoulders" - it helps sooooo much. I am concerned that your difficult child has yet to show any remorse or apology. Can you ask for some kind of family therapy as part of his probation? After many short term hospitilizations, and one long term our difficult child never shown stability consistently (for more then 6 months). I think aftercare should be a consideration the courts should look at for your situation, sometimes 10 days in the jjc works for awhile, but I am concerned about repeated violence if he is not remorseful and "minimizing" the incident. If they have him "check in" with his po once a month, sometimes this is not enough for children like ours.
Janet
your statement - "jail has done what no amount of therapy ever did" also gives me hope our difficult child will learn from this extended time in the jjc. It has been 3 yrs of stress, hospitilizations and in-home weekly therapy for a year. I already worry about his weekend visits home, when he earns them. (although I am no longer living at home-he will be with my husband, I will visit him there). As my difficult child stated in a letter "kids have no idea what it is really like in the jjc, until you have lived here for awhile" makes me sad, but I believe he is learning through all this. Just last Mond. visit he was arguing with me about what a strict mom I was, too tough on him when he was home, why did we not bail him out? (this time bail was denied). I advocated for him all his life and refuse to believe I was a terrible mom. I pray that this very diffiult time will end up in positive results, as it did with your difficult child. I'll never forget a message one of my favorite therapists my son had said to him, "if you cannot control yourself in life, there are people out there that will control you".
Jeppy -Take some quiet time for yourself to recover a little, take care and keep us posted about how the transition home goes.