Steely
Active Member
All I can say in UNBELIEVABLE.
I am trying to cope with losing my Dad, going up to spend these last few weeks with him, being unemployed AKA moving - and Matt is now suicidal, or homicidal - depending on the rage he is in. I mean - I picked up the phone today when he called, and was just blown away that he was in this state at the very time I can handle it the least.
I am frankly speechless. He has been doing pretty well for freaking 8 months - and now - BAM. Raging and psychological as destructive as he was 8 months ago when I picked him up from Dallas. AND - right when I have to deal with all these other things. I mean, really, UNBELIEVABLE.
I am sure he is acting out on his grandfather's impending death - but God forbid it be in a healthy, rational, linear train of thought. NOPE. All he can think fo is his anger and how wants to either hurt someone, or kill himself.
We talked at length about how angry and sad he was inside, how much he hated his life, how much pain he was in..............and yet................the concept of making concrete steps to change is more than he wants to even comprehend. And medication change??? Forget it. He will probably never make a change again - he is so sick of all the medication changes over the years - he is like a mule.
I understand some of this is a difficult children way of coping with the death issue. He had nightmares all night he said, and was still shaking from them. Yet, his dysfunctional way of coping makes it impossible for anyone to help.
And personally, right now, I am feeling really mad and exhausted that he is choosing THIS time to be like this. I have to leave soon! I have to go say goodbye to my Dad - which is also his grandpa - and yet I am going to have to worry that he is going to off himself while I am up there saying goodbye to my Dad???
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I am trying to cope with losing my Dad, going up to spend these last few weeks with him, being unemployed AKA moving - and Matt is now suicidal, or homicidal - depending on the rage he is in. I mean - I picked up the phone today when he called, and was just blown away that he was in this state at the very time I can handle it the least.
I am frankly speechless. He has been doing pretty well for freaking 8 months - and now - BAM. Raging and psychological as destructive as he was 8 months ago when I picked him up from Dallas. AND - right when I have to deal with all these other things. I mean, really, UNBELIEVABLE.
I am sure he is acting out on his grandfather's impending death - but God forbid it be in a healthy, rational, linear train of thought. NOPE. All he can think fo is his anger and how wants to either hurt someone, or kill himself.
We talked at length about how angry and sad he was inside, how much he hated his life, how much pain he was in..............and yet................the concept of making concrete steps to change is more than he wants to even comprehend. And medication change??? Forget it. He will probably never make a change again - he is so sick of all the medication changes over the years - he is like a mule.
I understand some of this is a difficult children way of coping with the death issue. He had nightmares all night he said, and was still shaking from them. Yet, his dysfunctional way of coping makes it impossible for anyone to help.
And personally, right now, I am feeling really mad and exhausted that he is choosing THIS time to be like this. I have to leave soon! I have to go say goodbye to my Dad - which is also his grandpa - and yet I am going to have to worry that he is going to off himself while I am up there saying goodbye to my Dad???
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR