Steely
Active Member
I<span style="color: #003300"> mean, this has been going on since mat was born - his dad promising things, that are never delivered. I left him when mat was 4, and that was the beginning of the end. His dad had no desire to form a serious, long term relationship with mat. He completely disregarded visitation, and would just call as he chose. Usually about once every 6 months. Then he would promise to visit mat - and never show. There was my little 4 year old, staring longingly out the window, telling me that "Daddy promised! He said he would be here!" I would just turn away and cry, how could a parent crush their child so deliberately, so foolishly?
By the time mat was 6 his dad was in jail, then prison, and mat went years with no contact. Maybe a phone call every now and then. Then he swooped in as super dad of the year when mat was 10, apologized a river, and attempted to reconcile with mat. His dad spent 4 months visiting every week, and trying to make up for lost time. Mat, unfortunately, soaked up every millisecond of his dad's time, and absorbed every thing he said as truth - only to have his dad completely disappear after the 4 months. No call, no announcements, just vanished. He did this again when mat was 12 - same exact scenario.
Now, it has happened again. This time a bit longer, with a different twist. This time his dad has been around 8 months. Again, being a superdad, sorta, at least to mat - and promising that he won't ever leave - this time. But about a month ago, his dad called me screaming, yelling, and cussing, demanding that I loan him my car and some money. If his demands had not been so completely crazy, I would have bust out laughing. He must have called the house until 2am, harassing me. I told him off, and he disappeared from mat's life again - for another month.
This last month has been horrible. Mat has cried himself to sleep almost every night, devastated. He has been depressed, anxious, and beside himself - and my heart has just been breaking for him. Then, out of the blue, his dad called yesterday telling mat that it was my fault he disappeared - and that of course he would never leave him.
Now mat is so confused, angry, and upset - but he is taking it out on me. Because, of course, "I am the one that always makes dad leave." I am beside myself with rage - and I mean that literally. I don't think I have ever been this mad. This bum has never paid me a dime in child support, jerked my kid around from day one, does not care that I am always the one picking up all the pieces from his aftermath, (i.e. dealing with mat's rage over his father's negligence, loving mat through his abandonment issues, working my off to pay the bills, and in general scraping up the piles of doo doo he leaves in his wake), and then he blames me for his problem of not being a good father!
:devil:
I am so angry - I don't even know how to cope. And then - then there is the fact that I could have him put in jail next week for him not paying child support - but I am scared. I am scared that he will retaliate against me personally. I am scared that he will fill mat's head with more lies. I am scared that having his dad in jail will further fuel his abandonment issues. And I am scared that mat will blame me for his incarceration, which will make his anger towards me escalate even higher. I am SO tired, and I do not want to deal with any more of mat's anger, not even for a second. And I am SO angry at his dad, that words cannot even express how resentful, and vengeful I feel. He has broken mat's heart repeatedly, and he deserves a kind of punishment that is only reserved for the worst of crimes, in my opinion.
Thanks for listening to my laments - ugh - I know this was long! I just don't know what to do anymore. I want this jerk out of our life, forever....or at least out of mine. But that does not seem possible at this point.
:grrr: </span>
By the time mat was 6 his dad was in jail, then prison, and mat went years with no contact. Maybe a phone call every now and then. Then he swooped in as super dad of the year when mat was 10, apologized a river, and attempted to reconcile with mat. His dad spent 4 months visiting every week, and trying to make up for lost time. Mat, unfortunately, soaked up every millisecond of his dad's time, and absorbed every thing he said as truth - only to have his dad completely disappear after the 4 months. No call, no announcements, just vanished. He did this again when mat was 12 - same exact scenario.
Now, it has happened again. This time a bit longer, with a different twist. This time his dad has been around 8 months. Again, being a superdad, sorta, at least to mat - and promising that he won't ever leave - this time. But about a month ago, his dad called me screaming, yelling, and cussing, demanding that I loan him my car and some money. If his demands had not been so completely crazy, I would have bust out laughing. He must have called the house until 2am, harassing me. I told him off, and he disappeared from mat's life again - for another month.
This last month has been horrible. Mat has cried himself to sleep almost every night, devastated. He has been depressed, anxious, and beside himself - and my heart has just been breaking for him. Then, out of the blue, his dad called yesterday telling mat that it was my fault he disappeared - and that of course he would never leave him.
Now mat is so confused, angry, and upset - but he is taking it out on me. Because, of course, "I am the one that always makes dad leave." I am beside myself with rage - and I mean that literally. I don't think I have ever been this mad. This bum has never paid me a dime in child support, jerked my kid around from day one, does not care that I am always the one picking up all the pieces from his aftermath, (i.e. dealing with mat's rage over his father's negligence, loving mat through his abandonment issues, working my off to pay the bills, and in general scraping up the piles of doo doo he leaves in his wake), and then he blames me for his problem of not being a good father!
:devil:
I am so angry - I don't even know how to cope. And then - then there is the fact that I could have him put in jail next week for him not paying child support - but I am scared. I am scared that he will retaliate against me personally. I am scared that he will fill mat's head with more lies. I am scared that having his dad in jail will further fuel his abandonment issues. And I am scared that mat will blame me for his incarceration, which will make his anger towards me escalate even higher. I am SO tired, and I do not want to deal with any more of mat's anger, not even for a second. And I am SO angry at his dad, that words cannot even express how resentful, and vengeful I feel. He has broken mat's heart repeatedly, and he deserves a kind of punishment that is only reserved for the worst of crimes, in my opinion.
Thanks for listening to my laments - ugh - I know this was long! I just don't know what to do anymore. I want this jerk out of our life, forever....or at least out of mine. But that does not seem possible at this point.
:grrr: </span>