This is not something I say lightly because I understand your strong mother/daughter bond.
I would turn her in too. When you find the drug paraphernalia just call the police. Not only will that help social services see what is going on but it will give you priority of taking care of the grand-baby because it will show you are capable of standing up to the baby's difficult child. I think that having the backbone to do this is one of the bigger and more honest challenges you are facing here. If you can remove your difficult child abuser from your home and ensure the babies safety, you will be go a long way to stabilizing yourself and your own mental and emotional health not to mention the baby's. Honestly what you are saying here is that the baby is not safe in the situation - but you haven't gotten yourself to the point of understanding that you can do something, the right something, in this situation.
This is not something I say lightly because I understand your strong mother/daughter bond. But you have a baby here. Maybe you can get custody, if you want it. I would definitely call CPS to keep an eye on your daughter and the baby's father if it were me. And, if possible, I'd try to get guardianship (thankfully, I"m still healthy, but your situation may be different). There is no way your grandbaby will be ok if her mother has custody and can take off with her at any time, doing drugs around her.
I would prefer a grandbaby of mine go to a stable foster family than stay with a child of mine who is on drugs. That is in case I could not take over, at least for a while. And at our ages, we may not WANT to either, but we do care about innocent grandchild's safety. Yes, it sets us against our grown daughters, but morally...what else can we do? Our adult children ARE adults. A baby is helpless.
I am not 100% sure what I'd do in this situation as I've never faced it. I do love kids and have adopted and done foster care and I know myself well. I would not allow my daughter this free ride and total control over an innocent baby. I would turn her in, even if it meant she'd hate me. It is a hard decision, and none of us will judge any choice you make, but your grandbaby doesn't need the strife in your house and possibly being exposed to the druggie friends and parties your daughter sees and attends.
And you don't deserve abuse and fear from your daughter. A good resource is your closest Domestic Abuse center. You are being abused by a family member and they tend to have good resources to possibly help your situation. Try it!
Big hugs. Try to enjoy your day.
Actually I have done all of that. I'm applying for guardianship and CPS has been watching her and testing her. I have talked to probation. I've done it all. The system is failing. Court dropped her charges probation didn't violate her. My only hope is guardianship but it takes a long time. In the mean time she now won't let me see the baby. She is not coming home. I worry about baby. I've been trying to let her stay until I can get a temporary guardianship but that could be a month. She is abusing situation. I'm being used.
But you have a baby here. Maybe you can get custody, if you want it. I would definitely call CPS to keep an eye on your daughter and the baby's father if it were me. And, if possible, I'd try to get guardianship (thankfully, I"m still healthy, but your situation may be different). There is no way your grandbaby will be ok if her mother has custody and can take off with her at any time, doing drugs around her.
I would prefer a grandbaby of mine go to a stable foster family than stay with a child of mine who is on drugs. That is in case I could not take over, at least for a while. And at our ages, we may not WANT to either, but we do care about innocent grandchild's safety. Yes, it sets us against our grown daughters, but morally...what else can we do? Our adult children ARE adults. A baby is helpless.
I am not 100% sure what I'd do in this situation as I've never faced it. I do love kids and have adopted and done foster care and I know myself well. I would not allow my daughter this free ride and total control over an innocent baby. I would turn her in, even if it meant she'd hate me. It is a hard decision, and none of us will judge any choice you make, but your grandbaby doesn't need the strife in your house and possibly being exposed to the druggie friends and parties your daughter sees and attends.
And you don't deserve abuse and fear from your daughter. A good resource is your closest Domestic Abuse center. You are being abused by a family member and they tend to have good resources to possibly help your situation. Try it!
Big hugs. Try to enjoy your day.