Parenting Question: How Would You Handle This...?
- Thread starter DaisyFace
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donna723
Well-Known Member
Quite honestly, if I saw something online that said someone is "a single 23 year old just looking for a good time", I wouldn't even think she was just available for casual sexual encounters ... I would think that she was a paid professional!
Believe it or not, I have a friend who actually lost custody of her teenage daughter in her divorce over something just like this! The girl was 14 at the time. She put up a Facebook page with seductive pictures of herself with lots of makeup and sexy clothes that made her look a lot older than she really was. And she was dumb enough to give the name of their small town (with only one school) and she gave her real name - an unusual first name and her family was the only one in the phone book with that spelling of their last name! Anyone could have tracked her down just from that! Her mom had her page taken down several times and she would put it back up again - took the computer away and she did it at a friends house or even at school. And when the mom divorced the dad, this was actually one of the deciding factors that went against her and she lost custody. Now the girl lives with her father and only sees her mom on the weekends. And her Facebook page that makes her look like a 25 year old hooker? It's STILL there! Her dad couldn't stop her from doing it either!
Believe it or not, I have a friend who actually lost custody of her teenage daughter in her divorce over something just like this! The girl was 14 at the time. She put up a Facebook page with seductive pictures of herself with lots of makeup and sexy clothes that made her look a lot older than she really was. And she was dumb enough to give the name of their small town (with only one school) and she gave her real name - an unusual first name and her family was the only one in the phone book with that spelling of their last name! Anyone could have tracked her down just from that! Her mom had her page taken down several times and she would put it back up again - took the computer away and she did it at a friends house or even at school. And when the mom divorced the dad, this was actually one of the deciding factors that went against her and she lost custody. Now the girl lives with her father and only sees her mom on the weekends. And her Facebook page that makes her look like a 25 year old hooker? It's STILL there! Her dad couldn't stop her from doing it either!
UGH!!! How scary!
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
Nope. You should SEE the reason Onyxx blocked us from her myspace and facebook. Actually, no. Not pretty.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
We got lucky, the minute Cory got involved with girls in real life, computers went bye bye. He couldnt have cared less about them. Why mess around with the virtual world when there were flesh and blood females around...lol.
I still think at her age there is no way you are going to be able to control her with a prepaid phone. They are way too available and cheap now. Go down to Walmart and get a Boost Mobile for $50 a month and she can get unlimited everything. Its not bad parenting, its excepting exactly what you can enforce and what you cant. If these guys call your phone tell them. If they come on your computer...tell them. But I seriously doubt you are going to get your hands on her phone either. Her contacts will be code named mary and sue and bonnie. Her call list will be deleted daily before she gets home and all texts will be deleted too. At least if she is smart.
I still think at her age there is no way you are going to be able to control her with a prepaid phone. They are way too available and cheap now. Go down to Walmart and get a Boost Mobile for $50 a month and she can get unlimited everything. Its not bad parenting, its excepting exactly what you can enforce and what you cant. If these guys call your phone tell them. If they come on your computer...tell them. But I seriously doubt you are going to get your hands on her phone either. Her contacts will be code named mary and sue and bonnie. Her call list will be deleted daily before she gets home and all texts will be deleted too. At least if she is smart.
buddy
New Member
I wonder why the dad was not held as responsible as the mom? That is crazy. In our family all kids must friend all of their aunties. Just the other day I caught my niece sending her phone to a friend who lost it....she just didn't think about how friends of friends get things and it goes out into cyber world. I texted my sister right away. she had put up pics. of herself in a bikini (not just normal swim pics, cutsie posed seductive ones) and my other sister also called her out. He used the r-word referring to an x-boyfriend and we called her out on that too.
she has a phone with FB and friends too....if she breaks trust she is grounded, phone is taken, if she was to buy another, by by after school activities. There are always more consequences and we do have to try. Even if they sneak it is better to make it less easy as much as possible. It is the big picture that is more important here...not just the phone and facebook. Even my difficult child who can't write sentences well has every family member, grandparents etc. on his FB and I am in control of his signing on and off. My sisters all give their kids contract phones so they are not tempted to get one of their own (why spend money when they are getting it for free) and they use the parent controls to block internet when needed. Mine doesn't have a phone yet, I will at some point because he has to learn to use a phone correctly but he is just not ready. Called 911 from a school phone (hung up but still, teacher caught him). None of these kids re difficult child's though, (except mine) and so I dont know about life with that and a phone....I know there has to be some cases where natural consequences, like ruining your rep. and trouble with the law may be the only things that work..... but for most kids....??? I guess I will eat my words when I get there, smile. (ps if any of our kids blocks ANY family member, huge consequences)
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
Onyxx lost her contract phone in Dec 09 for stealing (drugs), among other things. Wasn't the first time, but the longest then.
Got it back in July 10. Lost it in Sept 10 for two weeks (behavior), then again in May 11 for good. The contract ended in Sept... It didn't get renewed. It was cheaper to pay 3 1/2 months of contract than buy it out.
She says her boyfriend wants to put her on his plan for $20 a month. I cautioned her about that - breakups and all, she's been seeing him for (WOW) about 6 weeks. She said she knew, but she only called him anyway. (I smelled bovine manure...) I shrugged. She's 16 1/2. She's made some major mistakes. Natural consequences somehow just don't seem to happen (break into a house and smoke pot, get probation... Even with a prior record), so... What can I say? "Whatever!"
Got it back in July 10. Lost it in Sept 10 for two weeks (behavior), then again in May 11 for good. The contract ended in Sept... It didn't get renewed. It was cheaper to pay 3 1/2 months of contract than buy it out.
She says her boyfriend wants to put her on his plan for $20 a month. I cautioned her about that - breakups and all, she's been seeing him for (WOW) about 6 weeks. She said she knew, but she only called him anyway. (I smelled bovine manure...) I shrugged. She's 16 1/2. She's made some major mistakes. Natural consequences somehow just don't seem to happen (break into a house and smoke pot, get probation... Even with a prior record), so... What can I say? "Whatever!"
buddy
New Member
Wow, big hug and deep sigh.....you have been thru the mill
In OH you cannot prosecute anyone for having sex with someone who is 16 or older. Period. does NOT matter that one party is a minor. Once over age 16 they are adults as far as consenting to have sex is concerned. DF can do NOTHING to someone if her daughter says she wanted to have sex with that person. Ditto anyone else with a child, male or female, in OH. That is the law. Under age 16 it is statutory rape, but the statutes say that age 16 you can consent. Period.
ssom
This is different in different states. Some states say that there can't be more than 4 years of age difference if the younger person is under age 18, but it isn't super common. Many states treat someone under age 14 or age 12 as very different and between the actual age of consent and that age (12. or 14 or whatever the law says) as long as they are having sex with someone within a few yrs of their age then you can't prosecute but if t s more than X yrs you can.
Each state has very different rules about this.
ssom
This is different in different states. Some states say that there can't be more than 4 years of age difference if the younger person is under age 18, but it isn't super common. Many states treat someone under age 14 or age 12 as very different and between the actual age of consent and that age (12. or 14 or whatever the law says) as long as they are having sex with someone within a few yrs of their age then you can't prosecute but if t s more than X yrs you can.
Each state has very different rules about this.
busywend
Well-Known Member
Df, I know exactly what you are struggling with. I have been there done that. Sometimes, not knowing is actually helpful! LOL!
Seriously, my mom did not kow half the stuff I did in High School. Just because it is all documented now does not mean it is any different than what we all did. Granted....what she is doing IS much scarier than the norm of what I referenced above. However, if it was not on the internet and she was sleeping around with every guy she met - you would never know.
Having said that....the internet is scarier than high school kids. Scarier than being known as the **** at school. Does she often follow through with meeting up with these people? or is she more talk than action? I know she has at least once, but wasn't sure if there were more actual scenarios that have played out. My difficult child was all talk, no action.
Seriously, my mom did not kow half the stuff I did in High School. Just because it is all documented now does not mean it is any different than what we all did. Granted....what she is doing IS much scarier than the norm of what I referenced above. However, if it was not on the internet and she was sleeping around with every guy she met - you would never know.
Having said that....the internet is scarier than high school kids. Scarier than being known as the **** at school. Does she often follow through with meeting up with these people? or is she more talk than action? I know she has at least once, but wasn't sure if there were more actual scenarios that have played out. My difficult child was all talk, no action.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I was wondering that too Busy. I was much scarier because I was actually acting upon all this stuff even if it wasnt out of state people, local guys arent exactly safe.
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
I was a pretty good kid, but believe me when I say that my parents didn't know a lot of the stuff I was doing, either.
I had a conversation not too long ago with my Mom... She "knew" when I lost my virginity. She was wrong. By about a year, and state, and 1700 miles...
I had a conversation not too long ago with my Mom... She "knew" when I lost my virginity. She was wrong. By about a year, and state, and 1700 miles...
johns kitten
New Member
How can you really tell if your child is faking being sick? my 13 year old daughter will tell me shes sick and she will look like she is but hours later shes fine
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Johns Kitten...she is 13...like Judge Judy says...she is a teen, if her mouth is open she is most likely lying...lol. Take her temp and if its normal and she isnt throwing up or there is no other obvious signs of illness such as severe coughing, runny nose, constipation or the other extreme, pain or broken bones or blood...I would say she is pretty fit and fine. If she still insists she is sick, take her to a doctor.
H
HaoZi
Guest
My Dad's fix for this: If you're too sick for school, you're too sick to go anywhere on the upcoming weekend. Doesn't matter if you're in the ER on Monday morning and fine by Wednesday, you're not going anywhere on the weekend. No extra-curricular activities (school based or otherwise), no going to friends, no having friends over, etc. I had to go to church, do my chores, and go back to my room - because I was "too sick" for anything else. If I was truly sick, I was willing to stay home for the weekend. If I was just sick of school, I'd think really hard first... and go to school.
