I just found this buried in my iPhone notes- and I saved it on my phone 401 days ago...11/4/2011. I know it has likely been reposted since then but I feel like finding it was not merely a coincidence...seems like the holidays are a catalyst for wanting our own family miracles...I know I am feeling stuck...and this is a good reminder that I am not in charge of fixing my difficult child... Parents "Ten Commandments" for Breaking the Enabling Cycle 1. You shall take care of your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health. 2. You shall remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your troubled adult child. 3. You shall not accept excuses. 4. You shall understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don't make excuses for what you believe. 5. You shall make fact-based judgments without excuse, and feel okay doing so. 6. You shall uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity. 7. You shall give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and without money. 8. You shall listen to music and read books that will focus your mind on your Higher Power. 9. You shall celebrate life and love as often as possible, even in times of trouble. 10. You shall consistently practice the six steps to SANITY: S = Stop enabling, stop blaming yourself, and stop the flow of money A = Assemble a support group N = Nip excuses in the bud I = Implement boundaries T = Trust your instincts Y = Yield everything to God. Adapted from Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Child Study Guide. Copyright © 2008 by Allison Bottke.