Awakening1990
Member
Hello everyone, Last month my son and his girlfriend made the decision to leave one state/jobs to go across the United States for a geographical cure. A few days after arrival they we're told they couldn't stay with the friend that invited them due to a suspicious landlord. So, needless to say, they found themselves 3000 miles away from everything they knew, out of money, no jobs and no place to lay their heads. When I got that text with the details of the current crisis, I had to decline to help. This was most difficult for me to do. But these kinds of decisions have ruled his life for so long that I could not continue to enable his poor decisions and take on his consequences once again.. I gave him no other option but to figure it out without me. I did not stop the emotional support, just the financial. A few days later, I got another text stating that they had secured plane tickets back to where they initially came from and that they were in an Airbnb temporarily while they looked for work. In the interim, his girlfriend said she was leaving and going back to her home state with family because it was too hard to try to get a place and a job with really no means. I continued with the emotional support but no financial support. A few days after that my son texted me and sent me a photo of the new place that he was working at and informed me that he and his girlfriend were going to try to make a go of it after all. The Airbnb that they are staying at houses two older woman who are considering renting them out the third room as equal roommates. My son and I had a very long and open conversation where my son was very frank about his deep feelings and the reasons for his dysfunctional drinking over the years. He said he realized the impact his drinking has had on his life and how things were opening up for him now for the first time in a long time because he's been making better decisions... and he has a great opportunity to start over, but in order for him to get this place, he would need to ask me to loan him the $550 to secure the room since he has no money yet. Of course, the music to my ears was the open conversation about one of the major root causes of all of his crisises and poor decision making, his binge drinking. After I explained why I've no longer been giving him money I told him to continue trying to raise the money he needed. After thinking about this for a while I texted him and told him that I could only consider helping him out financially if he was attending recovery AA meetings. In Alanon, the philosophy is usually hands off, but in this instance, I felt like it was my hand to play. He needs something from me and I need him to do something for it. It may not work in getting him to surrender even for an hour, but then again it might. Thanks for listening