First of all, I want to say thank you!!!! I am desperate and I felt so alone, and now I see that I am not.
We cannot make a move with the 13yo for 3 reasons: The paperwork was not done correctly by the last lawyer we have (and he is in a different state with his mother so it is difficult to enforce), 9yo girl (the one we have) has suggested some form of abuse but we cannot figure out anything yet, and finally, 13yo boy and biomom have started so many investigations it's ridiculous and biomom got him to say he would run away and kill himself if he was forced to come home and if he runs, she will run with him... It is sticky. For the time being we have been advised (we have a lawyer, a paralegal, a psychiatrist, a therapist/family therapy, guardian ad lightem, and a behavioral/developmental pediatrician as our tem of advisors) to focus on who we know we can save. We have NEVER had any sort of SERIOUS issue out of 9yo girl until this junk began. In the initial divorce, she went with mom. Mom was about to lose her to DCS, so dad got her. Mom got her (to this day not sure if kidnapped or voluntary) for a year. Got her back on her 7th birthday weekend. She will be 10 in a few weeks. Been going back and forth between custody agreements and visitation since then. Since September when 13yo boy went with biomom, have had absolute junk out of 9yo girl. It is WAY beyond typical childhood defiance. She wants to kill herself, she cuts herself, she pulls her hair out, lies for no reason whatsoever, steals random things (such as my hairbrush) and hides them, refuses to do anything if she does not want to do them, manipulates every situation she is in so that everyone will coddle her...
Allegations biomom has started are that we beat the girl, lock her in closets, starve her, use her as a sex toy, make her perform slave labor around the property... The child is not starved, gets scolded for going inside the shoebox closets for any reason other than getting something, is not physically disciplined in any way shape or fashion, and the only record of abuse we may have is at the hands of the 11yo boy who is in state custody for raping his 6yo cousin and sexually assaulting (including breaking the nose) girls his age. The 11yo boy even crushed biomom's pelvic bones with a baseball bat when she told him she was thinking about having another child. I am not so sure why the fight is all about the 9yo girl, no one wants to let her go. Biomom has stated if she can't have the girl, no one can have the kids. She verbalized on many occasions she did not want the boys. Our team does not want to go to court prematurely as there is only enough solid evidence to require supervised visitation for the 9yo girl. I will remind husband again about the POA over the children, as in TN they do not accept a general POA when it comes to the children. I hope that this is the worst it gets, but our team tells us it is FAR from over and husband should have known better. I just do not know what to do to help alleviate stress for the day-to-day anxiety. We have followed every instruction to the t and 9yo girl is getting more and more manipulative and defiant every step of the way. husband is afraid to spend any alone father-daughter time with her because of allegations, but I think that may help.