Mattsmom277
Active Member
Hi all. Haven't been around much. Been trying to spend time focusing on family, helping S/O decide his job future and just generally move on a bit from the investigation into my bio-father. I did however want to update you all on it since you've been so wonderful since this has all unfolded in my world.
There is one more person left to have their statement done on video, and at that point the entire case is going to the crown attorney's office in the town where I lived for a year as a teen with him. There are however 5 separate cities altogether that will have warrants for crimes in their areas. The town I mentioned is going to lay it all out on the table, all of the many many charges for each individual city, some cities having more than one victim and some victims having several charges in their own right. They will give him the option of facing charges separately in the 5 cities, or volunteering to have it go to the town where I lived with him, all held in the same place. The odds are much better that he'd be advised by a lawyer to take them all together. Then there will at some point be a plea offer, but given the long litany of charges, even with a plea I can't imagine it being any kind of sweetheart deal (in other words, I still can envision a lengthy sentence).
So it is possible this could take place in the next couple of weeks, or even sooner depending how long it takes to track down the one person they are waiting on to get the statement. (She is avoiding them I believe, canceled her appointment this past week with vague excuse) I don't believe she will offer anything anyhow as she's in protect my father mode (one of his sisters).
More women may come forward once seeing his name publicized, we don't know. And the investigator still believes she knows of several of suspected women, and these people could come into play with more charges at any point. It might even delay the initial laying of charges, but that's okay if it means another woman or more women come forward. They won't charge him until they feel they have the most cases they can afford to wait to put together, ready to go. Then they're throwing it all at him at once. Oh to be a fly on the wall that day!!!
I have removed and blocked the toxic members of his family from online social networking, it was the only means some of htese people used to stay in touch with me and they have not been family-like nor even kind most of the time. I can't see their stuff now, they can't see mine, and I'm much happier this way. There is a delightful group left that I do feel connected to and very blessed to have come into my life. My one aunt is a treasure and I'm planning to spend a few days with her alone at her cottage this summer which will be a totally new experience for us and sounds like tons of fun.
My baby sister is still unable to contact me, as per her mothers instructions. I am working hard to squash my feelings on this subject, it is raw and hurts too much to allow myself to focus on much. I hold onto the fact that she's smart, she knows how much I love her and we've bonded now, and in 5-6 years she'll be an adult and I believe we will reconnect when she is independent. I worry about her but I am having to keep my mind focused on healthy things right now to remain emotionally stable with all that is going on.
I haven't had any further information about my cousin who could potentially be my older sister. She is 1 of 3 girls, and 2 of them are in touch with me via facebook. Her and her middle sister. While she hasn't said much of anything tome, she did add me. Her sister however messaged me and was very kind, open, welcoming and pleasant. She explained that her and the other 2 of her sisters only learned recently that my father was even married to my mother at one point and had me and my brother. They didnt know he had children. So if the other one IS my sister, she didn't know I existed until very recently, and she still may not know that there is a question of her parentage. Her pictures show a resemblance to her 2 sisters. Yet oddly she does look far more like me and my baby sister than her 2 sisters. That could be because our father are brothers, but there is a very uncannily strong resemblance between her and I. I think it's great to meet 3 cousins my age, who seem eager to get together this summer. And if one turns out to be a sister and the truth comes out, that's okay too. This entire part of the story I'm living in for some reason doesn't phase me at all. I would be delighted to have an older sister but I'm still delighted to meet the 3 women as cousins and looking forward to knowing them. They seem very likable.
I'm going to continue to stay busy the next few weeks until he is arrested and some progress is made. It helps to be busy and doing upbeat things to keep the focus off this entire situation. It can be so overwhelming with so many emotions that it was too hard to balance when I focused much on it all. Too many raw emotions if you know what I mean. I think it's much more sensible for me to have my moments when I need them, but just keep moving on and refuse to let him rob anything more from my life, not even a day spent distraught or caught up in his sick world.
Thank you all again for being so wonderful through all of this. It's beginning to take on a surreal feeling this entire sequences of events. Its like watching it in a movie or on one of those talk shows on television or something. Like something in a fictional novel that doesn't happen to real people, to real families, yet here I am living it all. It feels beyond surreal actually. I wonder if its normal to be so adept at being able to "decide" to compartmentalize that you can be completely removed from something that previously was eating you right up. Kind of spooky how our minds work to protect ourselves.
There is one more person left to have their statement done on video, and at that point the entire case is going to the crown attorney's office in the town where I lived for a year as a teen with him. There are however 5 separate cities altogether that will have warrants for crimes in their areas. The town I mentioned is going to lay it all out on the table, all of the many many charges for each individual city, some cities having more than one victim and some victims having several charges in their own right. They will give him the option of facing charges separately in the 5 cities, or volunteering to have it go to the town where I lived with him, all held in the same place. The odds are much better that he'd be advised by a lawyer to take them all together. Then there will at some point be a plea offer, but given the long litany of charges, even with a plea I can't imagine it being any kind of sweetheart deal (in other words, I still can envision a lengthy sentence).
So it is possible this could take place in the next couple of weeks, or even sooner depending how long it takes to track down the one person they are waiting on to get the statement. (She is avoiding them I believe, canceled her appointment this past week with vague excuse) I don't believe she will offer anything anyhow as she's in protect my father mode (one of his sisters).
More women may come forward once seeing his name publicized, we don't know. And the investigator still believes she knows of several of suspected women, and these people could come into play with more charges at any point. It might even delay the initial laying of charges, but that's okay if it means another woman or more women come forward. They won't charge him until they feel they have the most cases they can afford to wait to put together, ready to go. Then they're throwing it all at him at once. Oh to be a fly on the wall that day!!!
I have removed and blocked the toxic members of his family from online social networking, it was the only means some of htese people used to stay in touch with me and they have not been family-like nor even kind most of the time. I can't see their stuff now, they can't see mine, and I'm much happier this way. There is a delightful group left that I do feel connected to and very blessed to have come into my life. My one aunt is a treasure and I'm planning to spend a few days with her alone at her cottage this summer which will be a totally new experience for us and sounds like tons of fun.
My baby sister is still unable to contact me, as per her mothers instructions. I am working hard to squash my feelings on this subject, it is raw and hurts too much to allow myself to focus on much. I hold onto the fact that she's smart, she knows how much I love her and we've bonded now, and in 5-6 years she'll be an adult and I believe we will reconnect when she is independent. I worry about her but I am having to keep my mind focused on healthy things right now to remain emotionally stable with all that is going on.
I haven't had any further information about my cousin who could potentially be my older sister. She is 1 of 3 girls, and 2 of them are in touch with me via facebook. Her and her middle sister. While she hasn't said much of anything tome, she did add me. Her sister however messaged me and was very kind, open, welcoming and pleasant. She explained that her and the other 2 of her sisters only learned recently that my father was even married to my mother at one point and had me and my brother. They didnt know he had children. So if the other one IS my sister, she didn't know I existed until very recently, and she still may not know that there is a question of her parentage. Her pictures show a resemblance to her 2 sisters. Yet oddly she does look far more like me and my baby sister than her 2 sisters. That could be because our father are brothers, but there is a very uncannily strong resemblance between her and I. I think it's great to meet 3 cousins my age, who seem eager to get together this summer. And if one turns out to be a sister and the truth comes out, that's okay too. This entire part of the story I'm living in for some reason doesn't phase me at all. I would be delighted to have an older sister but I'm still delighted to meet the 3 women as cousins and looking forward to knowing them. They seem very likable.
I'm going to continue to stay busy the next few weeks until he is arrested and some progress is made. It helps to be busy and doing upbeat things to keep the focus off this entire situation. It can be so overwhelming with so many emotions that it was too hard to balance when I focused much on it all. Too many raw emotions if you know what I mean. I think it's much more sensible for me to have my moments when I need them, but just keep moving on and refuse to let him rob anything more from my life, not even a day spent distraught or caught up in his sick world.
Thank you all again for being so wonderful through all of this. It's beginning to take on a surreal feeling this entire sequences of events. Its like watching it in a movie or on one of those talk shows on television or something. Like something in a fictional novel that doesn't happen to real people, to real families, yet here I am living it all. It feels beyond surreal actually. I wonder if its normal to be so adept at being able to "decide" to compartmentalize that you can be completely removed from something that previously was eating you right up. Kind of spooky how our minds work to protect ourselves.