I had PTSD following difficult child 3's birth and other big problems we had about the same time, including having to be evacuated from home while in early labour, due to the biggest bushfires in 100 years. The problems went much deeper than that, dug up a lot of connected stuff form the past and three months later I knew I was in trouble when I began having flashbacks and found myself mentally right back in the scary situation - images of stainless steel with flickering flames, the smell of disinfectant and the feeling of heat on my face. I would lose seconds, minutes, when it was as if I had been transported back to the fire, the delivery room or both combined.
For about a year I found that images of fires or TV programs dealing with babies or childbirth would have me in a sobbing heap. Even now, I'm fighting tears just writing about it.
But a big thing - I am here on my own, nobody else can see. I don't have to try to hide it and it will pass in seconds. Time and therapy has helped with a lot of healing.
Of course, I wasn't able to get enough help soon enough, so a lot of the stuff that emerged due to the PTSD had already begun to bury itself again, and that is the stuff that keeps resurfacing.
What I've had to realise - I had the problems to begin with, because over years from childhood there were a lot of problems that were never resolved. The trauma of the fires and the rough childbirth brought it all to the surface, like a raging flood will carry a lot of eroded mud and torn branches. The sediment settles, some of it quickly, but it can be dislodged later on much more easily, and in smaller amounts. THAT is when you get another chance to deal with it.
Don't try to bury it again, in fact try to hang onto it long enough to work out WHY it's a problem and how you can move closer to resolving the distress.
Over time, you work your way through the silt and debris in your mind and slowly find the landscape underneath. You clean is up as you can handle it.
PTSD is when you get too much at once to handle. Simply being upset by something isn't PTSD. It's when it totally overloads you and you just can't see where to begin, to try to fix things up or even understand what is going on. Too much at once - that's when I asked for help. Once I found where I could begin to work on my own therapy, I made good progress.
I can watch video of the 1994 fires now and I'm OK. We've endured another fire since, but it was much smaller and really was no threat to us. I had no sense of panic with the smell of smoke; merely a sense of purpose. I knew what to do and I knew what is important in my life and what is not. Actually being able to DO something is actually really good therapy.
I can watch video of childbirth now and again, I'm OK with it. I still get angry over how I was treated when difficult child 3 was born; I am still in pain from the damage done to my pelvis. I have a constant reminder every time I sit for any length of time!
But doing something - that helps. For me, part of doing something is posting here. Or listening to a friend having a rough time. If I cry - so what? It's empathy. If I hadn't been through what I went through, I would have less understanding.
It's OK to be sad sometimes. It's when it gets out of control that you have a problem and need to ask for help.
Steely had some good suggestions, they really make sense in the context of what I was trying to explain, too. When you find a post that really shakes your foundations and it's a bit too overwhelming, instead of running right away from it just back up a bit to the point where you can cope. Go read other posts in Watercooler, or similar. Then when you feel you can handle things a bit better, go back and explore what made you upset and how you can find a better way of handling it.
You do what you can, little by little, and you find your tolerance increases with time.
Some people are softies, they cry at the drop of a hat (or hankie!). Others are stoics, you never see a flicker of emotion on their faces (and often inside, they're marshmallow because they never allow themselves to clean up their flood debris). The people who constantly release their pressure valves are the ones who can handle a lot more grief in life without cracking.
I'd like to think I'm in that category. I'm not. I have to keep reminding myself to deal with it and not bury it.
If you can deal with your feelings in a positive way, it will help you. What doesn't help you is when those feelings make you feel more helpless, more frustrated.
Maybe if you can tell yourself that you are using your own experience to help someone else not have to endure quite as much as you did? It helps me if I can do that. I'm finding it helps me in other ways, too.
Sit down for a few minutes and allow yourself to be selfish. What do YOU get out of this site? Put yourself first. Then think further - while still getting your own needs met first, what do other people get from you that is good?
If you can help other people while also helping yourself - THAT is good and should be able to help your tightly strung emotions to be eased with time.
Marg