Rainy days and Fridays....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Roxona, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I have a strong urge to run away this evening...well...it ebbs and flows on a daily basis, but tonight it's about everything I can do not to grab the dog, jump into the truck and drive two states north of me or even to Canada...

    Most days I try to distract myself, but today it's raining and the sun didn't come out...so distraction has been harder. I seem to be more solar powered these days.

    I find that the older I get the less I care about things...and people...animals are ok. I've never been a gossip and I don't care to keep up with the Jones'. In fact, I'm disgusted by them...I'm becoming ornery, and I used to be so positive. I think back to the ambitious, bright-eyed 20 something I used to be and wonder what happened to her. Sometimes things hit me...like a song or a picture, and I find myself mourning the loss of it all. Sometimes, but only when I'm by myself, I feel the old way again, but it's fleeting, and I try desperately to hold on to it for as long as I can. I think to myself if I can only hold on a bit longer maybe she'll stay with me this time...

    I wonder how many other people dream of running away. I wonder if they spend their days constantly navigating around people and things they know will antagonize them. How can you do that when it's your own family?
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  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Me too.

    My version was gone before I hit 30. And that was long before we had kids - much less knew we were dealing with extremely challenging specimens.
    But yes, sometimes I wonder what would have been, if I had stayed on that career track. Not often, and not long - it wasn't a perfect world either. But ... it was like riding the crest of a wave (no, I haven't done that, but it's the only image that seems to fit), the power, the height, the feeling.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Count me in, too.

    Challenging career, single mom of a toddler, but I was seriously on top of my game. I looked good, had enough cash to pay my bills and then some...life was good. Lots of friends, male and female, some with little kids like mine, some not...and then bit by bit, stone by stone, it crumpled, leaving me unemployed with no source of income and ineligible for any kind of help from the county because my little POS car was paid for. Then Miss KT's issues began to surface.

    Today, I look great on paper. Own my house, relatively new car, hard working husband, Miss KT keeps in touch from fourteen hours away, I like my job and I only work when I want to, taking a couple of classes because I like to learn...but the flip side is the chronic pain, diabetes, rabid insomnia/exhaustion, house is disorganized, money is tight, and if I had somewhere to run to that would let me take my dog, I would scamper out of here so fast and not come back till I had a new perspective on things.

    The reality is that I'm the frontal lobe for the entire flippin' family.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I run on a daily basis. I have planned so many scenarios of how my life could be if I ever had the courage to shuck it all and live my life as I imagine it could be. The reality is that I rattle around in a house that is way to big for my needs, would miss my grands and daughter, and it takes money to up and go.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure I was ever the ambitious, bright-eyed 20 something. I mean, intellectually I know I was. I went to college with big plans. I think after law school when the reality of paying my own way set in is when my "running away" dreams began.

    I used to dream of selling everything I owned, not paying a single bill when my paycheck came in, taking every penny and just driving until I was out of money and out of gas, then getting a job waiting tables or something in some little town where no one knew me and starting all over again. Once my son was born that dream was over. Part of me still wishes I'd have done it.

    If it weren't for Jabber, I'm not sure I wouldn't do it now. There's something so ... freeing, of thinking of about selling everything, taking my car that's paid for and just GO. Quit my job, live in a little shack on a piece of land and raise a garden and chickens, no TV, no phone, no responsibilities to anyone but myself.

    Heck, I'd like to just do that and go ...anywhere. Start over. The heck with my bills. They could sue me. I'd quit and find another job. Live on cash. If there's one thing I've learned from 21 years of child support hearings, it's how people manage to get away with not paying for things they legally have to.

    I'd like to be that irresponsible, just once.

    I never will be.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  7. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I don't have an irresponsible bone in my body. I spent most of my childhood helping to raise my little sister while my mom worked 2 or 3 jobs and my dad drank...being irresponsible was never an option. I'm okay with being responsible for myself, or helping my family when times get hard and they need it...but it's the irresponsibility (and entitlement) of our older children that gets me. My husband's two older children (ages 24 and 26) live/mooch off their mom and my 20 year old still lives/tries to mooch off us. I was racing out of the house the summer I graduated high school...my husband was the same. Neither of us was ready for college, so we both joined the military. I suppose it could be successfully argued that we still had a very nice safety net even though we were protecting our country and fighting in Desert Storm. I wonder how dependent or independent I would have been if I hadn't joined the military and stayed close to home instead.

    Lil's day dream is a lot like mine...move to some small mountain town and live as simply as possible. I think living off the grid completely would be difficult, but as close as possible would be an interesting concept to explore. It's interesting how my father's drug/alcohol induced, hippy musings have rubbed off on me.
  8. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm the same way. I always make sure my obligations are taken care of whether it be to people or entities I owe money to.

    I will never understand the attitude of "entitlement". This is exactly how my son is. At 34 he still thinks the "world" has wronged him therefore he is "owed".

    I remember when I was in the midst of dealing with my son's chaos I would daydream about a life that was free of his drama and trouble. I have always loved the Caribbean and could see myself running a small inn on the beach. I would live in paradise and have carefree days.
    Of course the responsible and practical side of me would wake me from my daydream and point out things like "how are you going to pay for healthcare" "what about hurricanes" "what will you do if you don't book enough people" POOF!!! Snapped back to reality.

    There are times I wish I could have had the guts to do just do it and not be consumed with the responsibility of consequence.

    Now, I dream of retirement. I am tired of cold winters and look forward to moving to a much warmer climate. Of course I still have quite a few years to work before I can do it.

    Somewhere over the rainbow..........................
  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh man! I completely forgot about the THREE blood pressure medications I take every day! I can't be a hermit - I'd die of a stroke in no time.

    Bubble popped. :(
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  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    What is the reason for being on THREE blood pressure medications?
    Of course, having a challenging kid is NOT part of that, right?
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Because two doesn't keep it down?

    Seriously though...everyone in my family who'd dead has died of some heart or blood pressure issue. My BiPolar (BP) is very hard to control. There was a time I wound up in the hospital for 3 days. I felt "odd" and went to the ER to get it checked (was already on medications) and it was 210/135. I think they freaked out more than I did. That was back when he was an easy child.

    So yeah...I was down to 2 when I lost weight, but 50 lbs later and I'm back up to 3.

    Did you ever notice how in all those "end of the world" shows...no one ever dies of the things that normal people die of? I'd never survive The Walking Dead as soon as the pharmacies crapped out. lol

    EDIT - My B.P. is very hard to control. My bipolar is nonexistent thank you!
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2016
  12. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I've been lucky and have not had to deal with high blood pressure yet...but I can totally see how our dcs are absolutely contributing to this problem.

    If I wasn't so stressed...I wouldn't be stress eating.
    If I wasn't so stressed...I wouldn't be so exhausted.
    If I wasn't so stressed...I wouldn't need certain medications.
    If I wasn't so stressed...blah, blah, blah...
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  13. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Hahaha!!! I'm so glad your bipolar is fine...it made for a good laugh.

    I hear you about the blood pressure issue. I've been slightly over weight most of my life mixed with a sedentary lifestyle and my blood pressure has been okay. My sister, on the other hand, has a weight that I envy, is active, but her blood pressure has been rocky. She has chosen not to medicate, but to try to control it with diet and exercise. She's really neurotic :nervoussmiley:, so I think most of her high blood pressure is caused by that.
  14. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Roxona - today I definitely want to run away. I don't want to go home and deal with that boy. I don't want to deal with anything...
  15. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This is my fantasy, I seriously think about how I can do this and stay undetected. School ends in June. I want to buy a tent, set it up on a beautiful lake in this campground nearby, pay a monthly fee for it in cash. And just stay there without my phone, just like On Walden Pond. I love to read and draw, I love nature. I have to pay cash for the tent and maybe ride my bike there, leaving my car in the driveway. I guess I can never do it because it's now on the computer. I just need peace and quiet all by myself. Or just without anyone in my family, anyone want to join me?
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  16. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'll come!!! Can I bring Jabber? He can keep us in fresh fish for dinner. :) He and I are pretty well versed at cooking over a campfire.
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  17. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Lil...of course! Jabber can come, we need all to relax. Let's meet somewhere in between NJ and wherever you live...no one will find us!
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  18. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I love fish!!! Yes, Jabber can come.

    I think you and Jabber need a weekend get away. Some place nice and peaceful. We live three hours from Durango, and I'm itching for summer to come, so we can go up there and go river rafting and off-roading in the mountains.
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Where is Durango? I just bought a mountain bike, let's off-road, I have never been river rafting, but I can most likely do it. I paddle board, we can share mine. In my house I just cannot be the maid, cook and everybody's everything for one more second. I am leaving, I'll be back but just need a break. This is not a joke.
  20. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Durango is in the southern west corner of Colorado, and it is one of my favorite places in the world.

    I just found out I'm more than likely going to have the step kids with me all summer. The grandparents were going to take them for a month but changed their mind. Decided they can't handle them. Boo hiss!!!

    If that's the case, I'm definitely going to have to plan a Durango trip this summer...all this talk of running away is making me itchy.