there is a fine line between rewards/consequences and trying to manipulate grown kids to do what you want them to do and it's often easily crossed
I don't watch Dr. Phil regularly - but I recall this family. (he's been replaced by Dr Oz & Ellen here)
And I am putting KLMNO's phrase under a microscope - which isn't fair and IS NOT directed at KLMNO in any fashion.
I guess I am just personally feeling the pinch of somehow my kid is free to screw up however he wants yet as a parent I am supposed to walk this uber fine line between acceptance and detachment and doing too much and not enough and letting go and directing without controlling and helping without enabling and I am so sick of it!
I always took Carroll O'Connor's advice (after his son od'd) to "DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET BETWEEN OUR KID AND DRUGS" to heart.
And sometimes I have resorted to begging and pleading and crying and yelling...and if I could figure out a way to manipulate him to stop using, I would probably lower myself to trying it.
And I think of someone like Alexandra or my son or TL's son or Nancy's daughter or PG's daughter or Kath's daughter etc and I want to shake them. We know where are kids are going and it ain't pretty. And just like we would have jumped in front of a moving car to save them - we will lower ourselves to whatever is necessary to try to get through to them because our only hope is that somewhere, somehow something or someone will get through to them and save them from the destructive choices they are making. And I can't even imagine if there were innocent grands in the mix.
I won't go so far to say doing any of the above is the right thing but expecting mothers to be these mythical perfect creatures isn't right either.
I know if I KNEW what my son needed to flip that switch I would do it in a heartbeat. But I don't. No one can tell me. So I try the best I can.
Anyone of us could wash our hands completely of our kids (grands too) and probably catch less flack for it.
Again KL - not directed at you or your statement.
I am just tired of it being open season on moms (in society - not here)