What I have written below is just a huge rant that I will just send as is, because if I try to edit it...I will just end up giving up so I apologise for the drama...but I am desperate like I have never been...and am open to any ideas at all. THANKS! I will not give a ton of history...but just the most important issue is that my almost 19 year old simply refused to go to school anymore a year ago...he was a really decent student and happy child until he went to high school and he changed to depressed, talking of suicide to friends, getting into power struggles with authorities, but was such a quiet kid that he never got into really big trouble...it was more refusal to do things... Cut to now...19, keeps saying he is going to get a job, but it doesn't happen...is obsessed with his girlfriend (who is actually doing really great in school and work but has low self esteem and likes the drama) and he is always wanting to be high on marijuana...he doesn't even have fun with it...he uses it as medication. I read his writing about suicide talk and he loses his temper suddenly and punches holes in the walls and breaks his stuff and even cuts and punches himself. I have always tried different professional help including councilors at school and teen center and medical and he did agree to try Paxil but didn't stay on it. Well...you get the idea...my thing is this...I want to demand that he work or leave...not that I want him to leave...I love him...but don't I have to give an ultimatum?? Don't I have to force a change. If he refuses any help, medication, counceling...I have to make him do something. He has lots of reasons to have problems, but never abuse or neglect and always unconditional love from me...I cannot find any incentive...there is nothing I can take away at this age...he always just reacts with self injury...yes it is controlling me...but he may choose suicide to control the situation as well...he just doesn't care enough about his life...my brother killed himself...there is a lot of mental illness in the family...I can't make him do anything...how can I make him just go to work...it will solve all of his problems...just a regular job...minimum wage for now...but he gets so upset with people and situations...I keep calm and tell him I love him and still there is no solution. What should I do? He won't communicate much with me anymore...I have already told him he has to get a job...that support for him runs out in about one month...I am on a tiny amount of disability...I literally won't be able to feed him but I can't not feed him...I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HIM TO SUICIDE...but I have to insist he work...but he won't work...there must be a right thing to do. What am I missing...what can I do if he will not work...will not get any professional help. I know he is depressed...but what can I do?