recovering doormat
Lapsed CDer
Hi everyone, I haven't posted in some weeks since my son entered a diagnostic residential program at a facility in Pennsylvania on Jan. 2. Before he left, he was just a mess: smoking weed several times a day, refusing to attend high school, refusing to follow his dad's and my household rules, stealing, lying, you name it. Six weeks later, he is detoxed, unmedicated, and we have a clear diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Dysthymia and recommendations from the treatment team (he had a particularly effective therapist) that he go directly to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for dual diagnosis treatment.
Initially, his dad and I agreed with the recommendation to find our son an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that could tackle his dual diagnosis and would be academically challenging. The onus was on the two of us to find the ideal location and get him in ASAP. He could stay at the diagnostic facility as long as we needed him to even though he was done with the program. Problem was, our son knew that he was eligible to leave and that it was up to dad and I to decide when he left (his therapist told him that). He lobbied us nonstop while we visited and in phone calls, and he really got to his dad. I don't think either of us slept after we came home from the transition planning meeting last week.
After discussing the pros and cons, his dad and I elected to take him out of the diagnostic facility and bring him home to his dad's where we would enroll him in a private, college prep day school and set up supports (frequent psychotherapy, substance abuse counseling, family therapy, part time job, hobbies, recreation time, basically doing what an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) does at home) so that he could remain with us and still make progress in his recovery.
Needless to say, the therapy team was stunned that we changed our minds. They do not believe he can hack it at home, no matter how much structure and supervision we provide. I found myself sounding like I was rationalizing our decision when I spoke to his therapist.
He's been home 48 hours, and so far so good, but I have started second-guessing our decision. Not that it's necessarily a bad one, but because we made it based on our emotional response to our kid. Before our son even woke up his first morning at dad's, we had the behaviorist who has been working with us for the past year make a home visit to set up some ground rules for having our boy at home. In the past we have not provided the supervision our son needed to keep him from doing bad things and I'm already afraid we're going to fail. We do have Plan B, a list of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s within our state that we could get him into rather quickly if he starts to backslide despite our best efforts.
I just don't know if we are being selfish for wanting him home so badly. His sisters were really suffering with him so far away, and that was painful to watch. But some things were easier with him away, too, and no one wants to go back to the way things were just before he left.
Have any of you decided against placing a child inan Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in favor of doing it yourself? How did it work out?
Initially, his dad and I agreed with the recommendation to find our son an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that could tackle his dual diagnosis and would be academically challenging. The onus was on the two of us to find the ideal location and get him in ASAP. He could stay at the diagnostic facility as long as we needed him to even though he was done with the program. Problem was, our son knew that he was eligible to leave and that it was up to dad and I to decide when he left (his therapist told him that). He lobbied us nonstop while we visited and in phone calls, and he really got to his dad. I don't think either of us slept after we came home from the transition planning meeting last week.
After discussing the pros and cons, his dad and I elected to take him out of the diagnostic facility and bring him home to his dad's where we would enroll him in a private, college prep day school and set up supports (frequent psychotherapy, substance abuse counseling, family therapy, part time job, hobbies, recreation time, basically doing what an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) does at home) so that he could remain with us and still make progress in his recovery.
Needless to say, the therapy team was stunned that we changed our minds. They do not believe he can hack it at home, no matter how much structure and supervision we provide. I found myself sounding like I was rationalizing our decision when I spoke to his therapist.
He's been home 48 hours, and so far so good, but I have started second-guessing our decision. Not that it's necessarily a bad one, but because we made it based on our emotional response to our kid. Before our son even woke up his first morning at dad's, we had the behaviorist who has been working with us for the past year make a home visit to set up some ground rules for having our boy at home. In the past we have not provided the supervision our son needed to keep him from doing bad things and I'm already afraid we're going to fail. We do have Plan B, a list of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s within our state that we could get him into rather quickly if he starts to backslide despite our best efforts.
I just don't know if we are being selfish for wanting him home so badly. His sisters were really suffering with him so far away, and that was painful to watch. But some things were easier with him away, too, and no one wants to go back to the way things were just before he left.
Have any of you decided against placing a child inan Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in favor of doing it yourself? How did it work out?