New Leaf
Well-Known Member
I have not seen or spoken
with
Rain since the last incident at my home.
January 15th.
It was an ugly dark moment
of many, many.
Many.
This evening, after class, I got a text from Hoku.
"At the hospital with Rain"
The sentence lifts off of my screen
a strangling
soul tourniquet.
My heart skips a beat.
I reply and wait.
The night is cold and black,
strong gusts bend trees that moan and
cry out from the mountain ridge
surround,
surreal,
cascading through the valley
echoes of shadow sounds through my open window.
The answer comes.
It is the same story, this guy, released from jail....beat her, police report made......
I wait, I pray,
I do not go to the hospital.
I do not know what to say, or do.
Howling winds
swirl.
Time stands still,
yet the clock ticks
mocking me.
"You are her mother."
Everything I say or do is taken the wrong way.
Rejected.
Words, torn to shreds.
Her
narrowed eyes, hate filled, angry.
She is my first born.
I wait.
The clock hand moves.
Slowly.
I am frozen.
Thoughts racing
head and heart
aching
I contemplate going to the hospital.
Another text.
The hospital released her.
Another text,
Hoku is besides herself.
I call.......
She is bewildered,
as am I.
Rain would not go anywhere else,
but the darkened area where she was staying.
Her home, the street.
Hoku is upset.
Voice trembling....
"The guy was there."
Rain opened the car door
slipped into the shadows,
reappeared
and introduced this guy,
as if....nothing.
Hoku finished her lament,
then softly said, voice quivering.
"Rain said she just needed a hug from you."
I tried to wrap my head around those words
that shivered up my spine
then drifted on the heavy air.
I
breathe
them in
and
time stopped,
between
mournful
silent
sobs.
I swallowed my sorrow,
stomach churning.
The last memory of her
in my mind,
turning
over and again.
Up close in my face
swearing,
threatening,
jeering.
My first born.
Shadow daughter.
I am left feeling bereft, unable to sleep.
I did not go to the hospital.
I pray.
Please God, watch over her,
help her to get off the streets,
out of the shadows, into the light.
An icy gust permeated through the house.
I shudder.
Mind shattered
heart torn.
I did not go to the hospital.
"What is the matter with you?"
my former self demands.
Has my heart
grown as cold as the winds?
She is my first born.
My shadow daughter
and I
I am her shadow mother.
leafy
with
Rain since the last incident at my home.
January 15th.
It was an ugly dark moment
of many, many.
Many.
This evening, after class, I got a text from Hoku.
"At the hospital with Rain"
The sentence lifts off of my screen
a strangling
soul tourniquet.
My heart skips a beat.
I reply and wait.
The night is cold and black,
strong gusts bend trees that moan and
cry out from the mountain ridge
surround,
surreal,
cascading through the valley
echoes of shadow sounds through my open window.
The answer comes.
It is the same story, this guy, released from jail....beat her, police report made......
I wait, I pray,
I do not go to the hospital.
I do not know what to say, or do.
Howling winds
swirl.
Time stands still,
yet the clock ticks
mocking me.
"You are her mother."
Everything I say or do is taken the wrong way.
Rejected.
Words, torn to shreds.
Her
narrowed eyes, hate filled, angry.
She is my first born.
I wait.
The clock hand moves.
Slowly.
I am frozen.
Thoughts racing
head and heart
aching
I contemplate going to the hospital.
Another text.
The hospital released her.
Another text,
Hoku is besides herself.
I call.......
She is bewildered,
as am I.
Rain would not go anywhere else,
but the darkened area where she was staying.
Her home, the street.
Hoku is upset.
Voice trembling....
"The guy was there."
Rain opened the car door
slipped into the shadows,
reappeared
and introduced this guy,
as if....nothing.
Hoku finished her lament,
then softly said, voice quivering.
"Rain said she just needed a hug from you."
I tried to wrap my head around those words
that shivered up my spine
then drifted on the heavy air.
I
breathe
them in
and
time stopped,
between
mournful
silent
sobs.
I swallowed my sorrow,
stomach churning.
The last memory of her
in my mind,
turning
over and again.
Up close in my face
swearing,
threatening,
jeering.
My first born.
Shadow daughter.
I am left feeling bereft, unable to sleep.
I did not go to the hospital.
I pray.
Please God, watch over her,
help her to get off the streets,
out of the shadows, into the light.
An icy gust permeated through the house.
I shudder.
Mind shattered
heart torn.
I did not go to the hospital.
"What is the matter with you?"
my former self demands.
Has my heart
grown as cold as the winds?
She is my first born.
My shadow daughter
and I
I am her shadow mother.
leafy