She was raped!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Mar 27, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Where do I begin??? I was waiting for my SW to come and the door bell rang. I thought it was her early but when I answered the door my heart sank and I just fell to the floor in tears. It was my daughter's friend V (the one who called the other night) her sister and their mother! I knew what they were here for and I was terrified of what they were going to tell me. They are really nice people and have always cared about my daughter. For their mother to come with them, I knew this was serious. I was shaking. I'll give you the short version. I'll try anyway.

    Turns out that V is not Shelly. I believe Shelly is a fellow prostitute and was just afraid of the consequences of calling me so she used that relay system. You might remember her telling my sister in one of her phone calls that my daughter was hurt and brought to the hospital. True. She was RAPED!!!! V's sister told me that by accident. I was telling them about the phone calls my sister was getting from this Shelly person and when I told them about her being hurt and brought to the hospital V's sister, M blurted out "Oh, yeah that's when she was raped". I screamed and went into hysterics. M felt horrible for saying that. She began to cry and just held me. At this point we were all crying.

    A friend of theirs who knows my daughter and who knows that my daughter is good friends with this family called V to warn her that my daughter was out on the streets. He asked her not to say who told her as he is friends with my daughter's pimp. V, M and their older sister immediately went to where this guy said that my daughter was and sure enough, she was out there high as hell on Angel Dust in her hooker outfit standing on the corner acting a fool!!!! They have her on video. V took the video with her cell phone to show me. But I refused to watch it. I just couldn't. I don't ever want to see that. I will never be able to get that horrible image out of my head!!! It would kill me to actually see my baby girl like that!!! They picked her up, along with another prostitute (according to V my daughter can only leave the block with this other girl as per their pimp) they were trying to talk sense into my daughter, begging her to come home and do the right thing. She, of course refused. That night V called my sister again and told her that they went to see my daughter, told her about the video and I'm sure some other stuff that I don't know about. My sister (bless her heart) told V not to, under any circumstances, call me personally. She told V to only contact her so that she can decide what I should know as I am having a very hard time with all of this. My sister is a gift to me, she is my rock!!! So my sister basically knew all of this the night before they came to my house.

    The mother, so sweet and so concerned called her ex-husband who is a cop and told him what was going on. She took my daughter's warrant, gave him the warrant number. They planned to go last night to grab my daughter and drag her to his police station where all of the cops were already prepared for her arrival and she would be arrested. The plan was for V, M and their older sister to go pick up my daughter and act like they were going to hang out. The mother would be in her car behind them. Once my daughter got in the car then the mother would jump in and hold my daughter as they drove to the police station. I still can't believe that these people are willing to do this for my baby. I just kept thanking them and hugging them. The mother said "Don't you worry I will get your baby off the streets". I am so incredibly grateful to them. I was afraid for their safety but V assured me that she knows these people and that they wouldn't dare mess with her or her family.

    The next day and I still haven't heard from them. It was raining here last night so I don't know if they went looking for her. I have no doubt that they will go tonight and every night until they get her. I paced the floors last night for hours. My husband kept trying to get me to calm down but I just could not sit still. I even took one of my daughter's old Haldol pills to see if it would take the edge off. Did nothing at all for me!!! After a few hours I finally went to sleep. It had to be after 3 am. I am used to that though as I never sleep!!!

    I couldn't even begin to describe how this feels. Half of the time I feel completely numb and zombied out, the other half I am in hysterics. I am sad and have a horrible feeling of doom in my gut. My body is shaky and I feel sick. Even though this is something I saw coming I am still in shock!!! I feel as though I am talking about someone elses life. It is just so surreal. I cannot believe this is happening. My daughter does not belong out there by any stretch of the imagination!!! Our life was not supposed to be this way!!! She is loved, she has a wonderful family and we have all been here for her every step of the way. This just doesn't make any sense. I know that she is ill and that this is part of her illness, it's just so hard to wrap my brain around all of this. My sw says that I must stop trying to make sense of this as I am never going to find the answers I am looking for. And I logically know that but from an emotional standpoint I just can't help ask, scream, shout, yell, cry, houl: WHY?????

    I am so afraid that if and when my daughter does crave stability she is going to now have so much more to deal with. Can she overcome being raped as well as prostituting herself? That seems like so much for a person with her issues. It is so incerdibly hard for a stable person to overcome these things. It will be so much harder for my daughter!!! I feel like she has damaged her soul so badly. How will she ever live with this down the line??? Ugh!!!! I just hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for listening.

    Shawna
     
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Bran -

    Sending hugs and support - Take care of yourself so there is someone left to take care of your daughter when she's ready and able to accept your help.

    Hugs
    Star
    (and stop poppin random haldol - go see a doctor TODAY and get something for your nerves - this is a MUST Do venture for you)
     
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I am so sorry for you hurt.

    We all wish we could make our children see the consequences of their choices. We can't. They have to make changes themselves, and until they hit bottom, it won't happen. I'm so very sorry you have to sit by and watch, but really, other than letting your daughter know you love her and will support her when she decides she's ready to make that change, there's nothing more you can do.

    Help yourself and pray for B.

    Love and hugs and prayers.
     
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Shawna - today is the day you were to see the Dr, right? Go girl! You are not going to get something that makes you feel drugged out or horrible - just hopefully a medicine that will take the anxiety down. You know Star* had a stroke from simply being under this much stress - you are in a physically dangerous situation yourself, and you must also get some help. You always got medications for B. because she needed them - you should treat yourself the same way.

    We love you and care for here - and want you to be safe too.

    I am sorry about all of this. I think the big problem here is the pimp. He will not let B off the street without threatening to hurt her. So it needs to be the cops that get her off that street, not layman. These pimps are wicked mean - and B is probably scared to do anything other than what he says, and with good reason. However, the good news is that if she is only on one street, the detective who is looking for her should have a very easy time finding her. Where is he in all of this? He should have been down there last night to pick her up. Isn't prostitution illegal there? If so, if you had called any cop to report it, couldn't they have picked her up?

    Hugs
    Steely
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Shawna, (((hugs))). Believe it or not, yes, your daughter can get through even all she's gone through when she is ready. My daughter was raped at age eight by a drunk man at her friend's house. She didn't tell us until she was fourteen. Yet she still got past drugs and even the rape.
    Get help today. Go to the doctor. I'm glad there are wonderful people supporting you. Lean on them.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Shawna, I am so sorry.
    You're right, it's one thing to see it coming and know she's out there, and another to actually KNOW it and deal with-it emotionally.
    I am glad that there is a plan in place.
    I agree with-others here--please see a dr and get yourself taken care of. Any dr would want to hug you right now! So do I!
     
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    (((((hugs)))))
     
  8. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Shawna,
    big hugs to you. Please do see a Dr. You have got to take care of yourself and you can and will get through this. I honestly think you are in worse shape than your dtr right now. If and when she wants help she can overcome all this. My difficult child 1 was raped when she was 17 and strung out on drugs--she did not want to prosecute and nothing ever came of it. She is okay now (for her, which is probably not okay for a "normal", stable person).

    You have got to get a hold of yourself--you are not helpless, you have your son to take are of, and you are going to have to find the inner strength that is there. If and when your dtr wants help you have to be a source of strength for her.

    Take care of yourself--remember the analogy to the oxygen masks on airplanes. You have to take care of yourself first before you can help anyone else.

    Lots of Love,
    Jane
     
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add my support and hugs, and echo the suggestion of getting to the doctor for yourself ASAP. Can you see your SW more often as you are going through this, as well?

    I hope they pick her up soon.
     
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know what to ssay- I can't imagine how horrible this must feel and how frstrated you are. It is true that nothing can help her until she wants to help herself, and that she can get past this once she does start to help herself. I probably would be campiong out at some police station though- even go so far as to lie and say she was dealing drugs or anything else I could think of to get them to go pick her up, in this situation. Once they got her picked up and looked into it, they'd drop any false charges, I assume.
     
  11. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You guys are amazing!!! Once again, thank you SO much for all of your support!!! I don't know how I would ever get through this nightmare without all of you. You give me strength!!!

    I am going to the doctor tonight!!! I was just researching the free clinic I found. It is absolutely free and you don't even need to prove your need. All you have to do is show up. It is run by a doctor here in Westchester who has a private practice as well. He is amazing. He is truly the old school doctor! He doesn't care about money just patients! I will go tonight. It starts at 5.

    Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. You do give me hope for my daughter to get through this. I will get through this as well. I would imagine once the initial shock wears off and I truly accept what is happening I will once again begin the detaching process. I was doing really well with that for a while. I force myself to stay out of bed during the day, I force myself to shower, I force myself to even put my make up on and I force myself to do my exercises - I cry the whole time but I do em! I will not allow myself to fall back into that deep dark hole I lived in for so long. I have come too far to go back. It's just really, really hard - ya know? I feel so helpless. I feel like my poor daughter needs me and I just can't get to her. It is a horrible feeling. But I guess I will get used to it. I have had to get used to so much already. I look back and can't believe the things that we have been through. I only hope all of this suffering is worth the outcome. I hope to God that there is even just a small flicker of light at the end of the tunnel!

    Jane, the airplane analogy!!!! OMG, my SW just said that to me yesterday, she was drilling it in my head!!! Thanks.

    I posted thank yous to all of you who replied to my other thread "I can't take anymore". You guys are truly a blessing. :)
     
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Shawna. Please take care of you first. Many hugs.
     
  13. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I'm sorry your daughter has been hurt. I hope that they do find her and get her off the streets, maybe they can get her some help she'll listen to. As others have said, I think you need to get to the doctor and get something for yourself. Your signature says you're hanging on by a thread, and I think with all this your thread is much closer to breaking. Take care of you too.
     
  14. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you for the support Chelle' and KT!

    I have a question, what do you all think about me fighting to declare my daughter incompetent once she is caught??? Do you think this is a good idea? Would she end up in some carppy state hospital or are there other options? And how hard is this to do? My SW is doing some research on the matter but I was just wondering if any of you were familiar with this process.

    Thanks.
     
  15. Oh bran, I am so sorry. This has got to be so terribly hard for your mom heart. These friends are amazing that they are willing to go and help your daughter like this. I hope they are successful in picking her up and getting her to the police station.

    Please, please go see the doctor for yourself. Popping a random Haldol or anything else is not good or safe for you. You really need to take care of yourself, not only for you, but for your son, your husband, and your daughter too.

    Sending big hugs,

    Christy
     
  16. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    sounds like you have a lot of people who love and care for you and your daughter. She is going to be taken care of. Take care of yourself.
    And yes, I believe, I honestly believe she can overcome these things. Difficult but not impossible. She has you.

    Thinking of your entire family and the safety of your daughter.
     
  17. robinm1922

    robinm1922 One day at a time

    Bran, I am so sorry for all that is going on! Here is a big old cyber hug for you ( ).
    I will thinking about you all weekend please take care of yourself, at least it sounds like there is help finally.
    Hugs,
    Robin
     
  18. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    We got my stepbro declared incompetent, but it took quite a few years of him being drugged out and homeless, bouncing between group home and jail and state psychiatric hospital before they even THOUGHT about letting us do it. He's in a perma-group-home now, monitored, and unable to leave for good on his own. It's a win-win for everyone.

    Your daughter is not anywhere near as unstable as he ever was. He's schizo and bipolar, was mostly non-violent, but constantly scaring the heck out of the community (telling people he was with the FBI, insisting that he wouldn't let "them" get away with terrorism, telling people that others were trying to kill them). He was a total mess, and a real danger/bother to OTHERS. She's a danger to herself, which SHOULD be enough (sigh), but so are many non-mentally-ill-street-kids making dumb choices. Hmmm. I can't imagine they'd let you declare her---she's making bad choices, but she's probably not acting "crazy" enough for them, I wouldn't think. Maybe some of the other posters have had experience with trying to declare a less-evident-illness child?
     
  19. jal

    jal Member

    Sending support and prayers that they get her out safetly and that you take the best care of yourself that you can.
     
  20. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    So sorry.....

    Sending ((((Hugs))))) and support....

    --DaisyF
     
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