She's cutting

[crazymama30]

difficult child/easy child (15 yr old dtr) had a meltdown last night. difficult child was being difficult child......though not as bad as he ha been in the past. She flipped on him. It took an hour or so before she let me talk to her, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

She said she does not want to live here because of him. She is failing several classes for one because she had missed so much school from being sick and the other reason she said, which is true, is that she cannot do her homework here as gg is so loud and disruptive. Which is true.

I held her and she sobbed and sobbed. I was concerned she was suicidal and asked her if she was. She said no. somehow it came up that she has been cutting. She showed me a few scars on her arms....she had told me they were cat scratches. Then she showed me her upper thighs. The right is a huge mass of cuts, and the left she has carved pain helps into her leg.

I thanked her for telling me, and we talked about it. I told her I was going to call psychiatrist and therapist, and she agreed. She said she had a hard time telling people what is going on, and everyone asks what they can do to help and that really bothers her. I asked if out would help if I went to therapist with her, and she said no, yes, maybe. I told her it sounds like she wants me to
go, and that if she did not want me on the room that she could kick me out.


My heart is breaking for my little girl. I feel like I have failed her. I am so scared for her.

 

[keista]

Aw. My heart is breaking too. So glad she finally revealed this to you, though.

Sounds like you might need some half and half sessions.

No, you haven't failed. You have built a strong enough relationship with her where she felt comfortable to share this with you. It's easy to forget how HUGE a deal that is in teen world. You're doing an amazing job. Too many kids don't get that kind of support from their seemingly supportive parents.

 

[crazymama30]

K, I am very impressed and humbled that she told me. I am in crisis mode, heck I havebeen there for awhile but this kicked it up a notch.

 

[hearts and roses]

(((CM))) It's such an awful, horrible, scary bundle of feelings when our kids are hurting themselves and are so filled with pain and agony.

You're doing everything right, holding her, allowing her to open up, getting her help, assuring her that you love her and care about her peace of mind.

I'm so sorry for difficult child/easy child, and you - big hugs, I hope the therapist/psychiatrist can see her right away.

 

[buddy]

I am so sorry she is hurting. I love how you realized her waffeling on whether or not she wanted you there really means she needs you. I remember one time when my dad started to grow up too (in a family therapy session where my sisters and I revealed we were uncomfortable with how an uncle and his sons were coming on to us) he asked what he wants from us....He always felt it just was silly flirting......I said, I want you to be a dad. i dont want to have to ask you in an uncomfortable setting to please help me.....just do it. He did from that moment on. He even did it for my difficult child one time in a store when a guy went off on him for talking rudely to me. I really think it is hard to ask for help when you are so mixed up and if something is happening that you might feel (even if it is not right) ashamed of.
It is so hard for siblings of difficult child's.....
So sorry....lots of love energy being sent to her.

 

[TeDo]

I can completely see how a difficult child can affect a easy child to this extent. I am so glad she finally "let it out". She should feel some relief now that she's not alone and you are now in a place to make a big effort to support her. It's not going to stop that quickly but now that you know, you can watch more closely and intervene. I HATE it when our kids are hurting but feel they need to keep it from us for whatever reason.

Many gentle, supportive {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both.

 

[Wiped Out]

Please do not feel as though you have failed her. It speaks volumes that she opened up to you. difficult children certainly do have strong effects on their siblings. ((((hugs)))

 

[pepperidge]

I am so sorry. And I am so angry that the system really fails families in crisis. And angry too at all the turmoil that difficult children bring. NOt that it does any good.

My heart breaks for you, and I hope that therapist and psychiatrist can make some inroads with her.

You have been through so much. Hope there is someone looking out for you.

 

[trinityroyal]

CM30,

First off hugs. Both for you and difficult child/easy child. You've all been through so much over the past several months. I too am impressed that she was able to confide in you, and with how you handled her waffling about whether she wants you in or out of the therapist.

I can understand why she's frustrated with friends etc. asking "how can I help?" If she's in that much emotional pain that she's cutting, she doesn't know what she needs -- she just needs. Expecting her to come up with the solution as well is just too much pressure for a hurting girl. I think she knew that you wouldn't do that -- that you'd just help without expecting her to figure it out.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Trinity

 

[crazymama30]

psychiatrist called and we have an spot
3:30. easy child/difficult child went to school, I gave her the option of staying home but she is so behind she wanted to go. I have not heard from therapist, I am going to call again
As I cannot remember if she is in the office on fridays. We lucked out with psychiatrist, she does not usually work fridays.

I am a mess. I am scared, more so than I ever have been

 

[buddy]

yay, thank heaven. I hope doctor is kind and gentle and understanding so she can get some help. Thinking of you

 

[cubsgirl]

Huge ((hugs)).

I think it is great she came to you. I'm crossing everything hoping that the psychiatrist can help her. You are doing the right things.

More ((hugs))

 

[crazymama30]

psychiatrist appointment went well. psychiatrist told difficult child/easy child that therapy could help. difficult child/easy child(a from now on.) Would not look at her, and so I said that a had some issues trusting people. A said that she trusted her dad and he messed that up, or something to that effect. psychiatrist told her she needed to learn to trust or she could keep cutting, but that she thought a wanted help. I brought up our conversion last night and how I could go to therapy with her to help her trust, and she could kick me out at any time. psychiatrist thought that was a great idea.

We then talked about difficult child, and how disruptive he is and how most of a's stress comes from him. We mentioned hospitalizing him and how it could be hard to have him met the criteria in the er. psychiatrist them mentioned Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, and I started testing up. a leaned over, have me a hug and told me it was not my fault and I completely broke down.

I got myself composed, got out my walker to pay psychiatrist (we pay cash) and she walked to the door and said don't worry about it. I asked if she was sure and in an joking way said get out of here, I have someone else to see. My prescription is for you two to go to dinner.

We went shopping instead.

I have no idea what I am going to do with difficult child, I may end up triggering him to the point of no return to get him admitted somewhere. I dont know what to do. I have to think on it for awhile.

 

[Hound dog]

Aww sweetie you didn't fail easy child. Living with a difficult child is tough, especially one that is nowhere near stable. Having one as a parent blows out the backside to put it mildly. Parents are supposed to be infallible and dependable. (they figure out you're not once they're grown usually) I wouldn't give her that difficult child classification. She's just a kid who chose the wrong way to handle stress, and was enough of a easy child that she didn't want to add to yours.

Sounds as if you got one heck of a great psychiatrist there, a keeper for sure. Therapy will help, give her someone to unload on who can get what she's saying and help offer suggestions to cope better. I hope you can get the appointment set up with therapist soon.

(((hugs)))

 

[crazymama30]

Hound, thank you. therapist was off today, and I bet I hear from her first thing monday morning. difficult children therapist is kinda a flake, but pics is much more together.