Should I contact him? And how?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Night Owl Mama, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. I do not know the whereabouts of my 20 year old son. He left our home at our request two days ago. He left a note saying may go to the hospital and that he had also left a message for job corps and gave them our number as the contact since he has no working phone. The rep from job corps just called and said he can help him get in (hooray!) and left his name and number, but I have no way to get this message to my son. I could start calling shelters and hospitals but wondering 1) if I should even try or is that further enabling (he could call us knowing he left our contact number with them) and 2) if anyone would even give me any info being he is an adult. Thoughts?
  2. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    Hello- I am so sorry for your worry about whereabouts of your son.

    It's only been two days. I would wait and see if he calls you over the next few days. If let's say not heard from him in 5 days, I would attempt to make calls to shelters/hospitals. I am not sure if they would give you any information since he is an adult. But all they can do is tell you, we can't tell you. Then it really is up to him to contact you. Stay strong, keep busy, try not to let your mind wander too much of the what if's that can run through our thoughts.
  3. I suppose it's not a now or never situation. I would just feel so much better knowing he is there vs the streets, though my hunch is he did end up hospitalized. Thanks for your response.
  4. rebelson

    rebelson Active Member

    Is he ill? In times of worry, I have many, many times called local hospitals in FL, to rule out my son as being in one of them-when I couldn't reach him or was not in a frame of mind to talk to him, but still wanted to know that he was ok.

    This behavior (me, almost daily, calling the 3 hospitals) was an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thing, I guess, propelled by my anxiety. It worked, but I felt silly doing it.

    My point to mentioning that is that, at least in that county in FL, the hospital operators will confirm the presence or absence of a name on patient roster. Hipaa laws might be upheld differently though in other parts of FL, or other states.

    Does he have a close friend whom he may be in contact with, whom you cld ask about his whereabouts? Or a FB page, you cld msg him on?

    But, I totally understand your worry! Hang in there & keep us posted.
  5. I messaged him thru Facebook but he will only get it if he has access to wifi and checks it so who knows. No friends, lost touch with everyone after high school.

    As far as being ill, I don't know. He saw a doctor the day before he left and got a rx refill for his antidepressant but he didn't fill it immediately. He had been off it long enough to destabilize so he really needed it filled. At least he has one called in though and it's free so if he wants his medications they are there. So yes, without medications he is ill, with them he shouldn't be. These rage episodes are usually followed by depression and so if he is in the hospital it would be for that.
  6. karisma

    karisma Member

    Hi Night Owl, I am sorry for the terrible anxiety you probably feel right now. I do recall when my son first went homeless how anxious I was. It was terrible. As time passes, and you see that he keeps turning up alive and okay for the most part (my son gets very dirty, but otherwise ok), it will get easier. Hugs to you
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    NightOwl, I think you have seen two very big steps of progress since he left. He called Job Corps and got a prescription refilled. That is very promising.

    Give him some time and space to get in contact with you about this now. You FB messaged him which is a good thing. People who are homeless (if he is) have all kinds of ways of getting access to their FB accounts. When my son was homeless multiple times and had no phone, he contacted me that way a lot.

    Perhaps your son also gave Job Corps another number and they have already reached him that way? Is that possible?

    I think reaching out like you have done is good, and also it's good to allow them some respect and dignity to take these types of next steps on their own. Sometimes they don't, and these can be false starts. But letting them handle things more and more is a great way to allow them to experience life on life's terms.

    This is very good news. I know you are worried, and I hope you can let some of that go. It sounds like he is making progress.
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    I agree with the others. Sit tight for now. Try to let go a little bit and let him figure things out.
  9. It is good news that he actually did call them. So often he says he did something and he didn't. I know I need to work on releasing him to succeed or fail. It's hard to step out of the support role after being in it for so long. Thank you everyone for being here for me through this difficult transition.
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    It's hard when they are so young. I hope he does get in touch. Job Corps can do great things if they apply themselves.