Small difficult child update

[SuZir]

Saw difficult child briefly today, or well, saw him plenty, met him briefly. They had a on the road game near enough us and me and husband went. He even played (they were short of players, didn't have much choice but play him) and did well enough. Were able to chat with him a little while afterwards. Good news is, that he seemed more self-confident and much less beaten than week ago. Seemed to have gotten some of his fight back. Could of course be just adrenaline etc. boost from the game. We mostly only talked about safe topics, the game, next game, his dog, easy child's game earlier today etc. but he did talk and was involved. Big change from week ago.

He had also posted some lyrics to his FB status earlier (I think we have talked about that difficult child/young people habit before here) and while the quote was rather dark the theme of the song is about not giving up and keeping going through the dark times. I choose to take that too as a positive thing.

At least he looks to be quite sheltered. We noticed it during the game and especially after it. Probably not noticeable to casual observer, but when knowing the situation, it was clear that difficult child's team mates didn't allow much chirping from opposing team and made very sure they played nicely at handshakes. Also after game when I and husband were looking for difficult child and saw him, there was his team mate blocking the path to him from us (he of course didn't know us, we got through after introducing ourselves.) So they certainly keep stranger away from him and take care he is not taunted with any of this during the games.

Bad news is, that only thing he did say that is related to this situation or how he is feeling wasn't that good. He has had lots of sleep problems. He can sleep okayish if he takes his Atarax. If not he either doesn't get sleep or wakes up after few hours and can't go back to sleep. Or both. But he doesn't want to take Atarax nightly, because it makes him feel little slower next morning till sometime afternoon. And if he takes an Ambien he has nightmares and feels lousy at the morning because of those. So again, sleep is getting to be an issue. (His sleep was already much better after Christmas.)

But, yeah, he is hanging in there. And even looking towards people again (not to the eyes, but at least somewhere near the face.)

 

[BusynMember]

Suz, I am very proud of your son. He is doing really well very soon after considering he is a difficult child. I'm glad his teammates are protecting him and that he has gotten a bit of that fight back in him. Seems like his sport is a real upper for him Pulling for him big time!

P.S.--Jumper does that song quote thing on her FB too!!! Must be worldwide!

 

[Calamity Jane]

It does seem promising. He may not emotionally be where you'd like him to be, but on the other hand, he isn't where he was last week, so that's good. I'm relieved for you.

 

[SuZir]

MWM: I suspect he may be functioning this well precisely because he is a difficult child. I suspect there is lots of compartmentalization going on here. He can keep himself functioning and concentrates to that, but the better footing he gets, more likely he is to start acting out. I of course hope he doesn't but I'm not at all surprised if he will start to do so. I of course fear relapse, but can also easily imagine him trying to pick fights at bars (and really try, it would not be like him to start outright physical aggression, he would make other one to hit first) or more hopefully with the team mates/coaches. Or go to very ill-timed drinking binge or cheat his girlfriend in some especially idiotic way. difficult child's MO is to be passive-aggressive and act out some sly, backhanded way or just annoy the snot out of other people and make them do something to it. But even knowing all that I'm happy to see fight back in him. The dead-eyed zombie from week ago was frightening.

I also talked with one of his coaches yesterday. He too told that difficult child is finding a fight again and he was happy about that. He said that he had dreamed before what a pleasure it would be to coach docile and obedient difficult child, but didn't find the experience to be quite what he had hoped for.

 

[DDD]

ddd

 

[rejectedmom]

Well that is good news. I hope he continues to improve. -RM

 

[buddy]

I'm glad you got to see him and that he is hanging in there. It's great that his team is protecting him. Bless his heart.

 

[welcometowitsend]

What wonderful support he has with his coaches and teammates. Must feel good to know they are so protective of him.

Really glad you got to see him and talk to him and that he got to play while you were at the game. That probably made him feel good too.

 

[SuZir]

I talked with both difficult child and one of the coaches today. difficult child seems to be getting quite argumentative and is pushing his boundaries. Really hates that zero tolerance is again executed to the t, had some attitude and hurled some not so nice things to me. Has still played well and is angry that everyone 'is on his business' even though he is just fine. So he is being total peach. According to coach he has been mostly fine, if little argumentative, in team practises but has been pushing him a lot when there are less people around. Regular season is close to the end so they can not afford any distractions now and difficult child has been warned that if he gets too disruptive he will be moved to injured list and to practise with injured players. He seems to be heading to that if he continues to escalate.

Good news is that he is acting up in safe environment and seems to be handling things more responsible outside of that. I was also so spooked about zombi-like difficult child that I almost like that we are back to old pain in the bottom difficult child. And while I hate it that he is disciplined so much and harshly when he is hurting, I can understand the logic. If nothing is expected from him and if he gets scot-free of behaving badly, it really is likely he would reduce his own expectations for himself. And it would not be any favour for him to teach him to use feeling bad and having tough time as an excuse for bad behaviour. No one can take the hurt away and if he wants nice things from life, he has to play with same rules as everyone else. There are no cosmic free kicks for those who have had bad things happen to them. But yeah, still hurts my heart.

 

[buddy]

Do you have any idea what a good parent you are?

 

[SuZir]

Buddy, thanks. Really appreciating that. I'm not feeling like good parent lately. If much ever. difficult child rarely gives me a reason to feel like a good mom (he does at times and I really appreciate those moments) and with easy child I always feel more like that even I can't quite screw that perfect child up

But enough of that pity party. I and difficult child probably do deserve each other and we both do have our better moments even if right now it is more about surviving to the next day - for both of us.