So, fellow warriors with devious minds...

[Shari]

husband took his lunch today. Yay!

Except he left the bread open spilling out of the bag onto the counter. Cheese wrappers and mayo on the stove.
Wrappers and mayo? Whatever. But the bread, if I leave it, will be dragged all over by the cat and make a mess that husband won't notice...and he'll be out of bread, which ultimately will come out of my pocket, not his (my fault, but here I am...) so what shall my response be? How do I meet this one head on?

 

[AnnieO]

Well, the mayo will go bad, too, which will come out of your pocket.

I don't have a good answer, except lock the cat out of the kitchen? If possible.

 

[tiredmommy]

Crumble up a piece of bread where he sleeps. Blame the cat and him because the cat must have gotten the bread after he left the bag open and before you came along to close it. He does it again tomorrow? Smear mayo on the tv remote.

 

[DaisyFace]

How about make him a nice dinner....

and serve it to him with certain items missing.

Serve macaroni salad sans mayo. Tell him the mayo wasn't in the fridge where you usually keep it, so, ya know, I guess we're out...
Serve him stale, rock-hard bread with butter. Is it stale? I guess the bag wasn't sealed tightly...
And cook something with a melted plastic cheese wrapper on it. Oh? Is there plastic in your food? I guess there must have been something left on the stove...

Sorry....I didn't notice...

My bad. I'll try harder next time...

 

[P-nut2004]

Shari, I get up every morning to one thing or another husband has left out while assembling his lunch box & like you I ponder just leaving it and letting the consequences play out but, also like you, I know I'll have to replace all of these things or husband will just go to Hardees and spend $10 on lunch because he had no bread. Now here's the devious part, I buy specific things just for him for his lunch, no one else is allowed to use them so he doesn't run out.... so I started leaving the bread out of reach of the dogs but open, leaving the mayo out till 5ish when he's on the way home (then put it all away) & hope he asks me tomorrow why his sandwiches were gross or why his stomach is upset. Then I reply "Ohhh you left the mayo out yesterday & today I didn't notice until the afternoon, it must be spoiled" For my final revenge if he demands that I replace a full container of mayo or loaf of bread he gets crappy store brand items as I already spent the money allotted for his lunch items. So far he is still leaving them out but even if it doesn't get him to stop it amuses me LoL

&& I LOVE DF's ideas too!!

 

[Andy]

How about you packing his lunch for him tomorrow? Just throw the bread into the bag or lunch box, squirt mayo on top not to be concerned if it "happens" to get around the bag and lunch box, toss in the meat, throw another piece of bread and throw in some sides - carrot sticks, individual apple sauces, chips, ect.

Oh, and emty his wallet so he can not make a fast food run!

 

[DammitJanet]

Next time you are at those places that give those little packs of ketchup or mayo...stock up and then put them in his baggie. No more good mayo for him!

 

[Hound dog]

DF and Andy's are good.

If this is a never ending ongoing problem...........and trust me it was here for years...........I left them sit and walked away. I didn't worry about the cost, because husband didn't worry about the cost......if money came up short I simply reminded him if things weren't left out to spoil or get stale then there would probably be more money. Or I'd do the generic.........but I did generic too long trying to survive......so that one wouldn't work for me.

husband still leaves them there on occasion. Once I'll allow the slip, I mean cuz even I've forgotten once or twice. (difference is I catch myself) Twice and I will walk away and leave it. I also won't let anyone else touch it. I want husband to find it just as he left it. Now I don't know about yours, but mine loves to pin the blame on someone else. If no one touches it.......I can put it back onto him that HE did it cuz see everything is just how he left it. When he complains why didn't you put it away? My favorite response is Not My Job. (one of his favorite responses) Then I shut up. I don't engage in a battle. I don't let it make me mad. Several years ago.......and 3 jars of mayo and lord knows how many loaves of bread (he thought he could out stubborn me) I stopped buying mayo and bread and lunchmeat (he'd leave that out too). I stopped buying any item he could make a lunch with. When he had a cow when the budget didn't come out right.....I pointed out he was eating out for lunches. When he of course said well there is nothing in the house........I explained that if someone could learn to put them away when he's done with them it woudn't be a problem. lol We also went through this for like 6 months with husband leaving lunches I made for him sitting in the fridge (after begging me to make them) and him buying fast food we couldn't afford. That time all his fav food items vanished from the grocery list. Sorry dear, we just can't afford those things right now. He stopped asking me to make lunches he'd just forget to take, and I removed all money that didn't immediately go out on bills from the bank and kept it on my person where he wouldn't be tempted. (yes our budget was that tight, still is)

Oh..........husband used to be anal retentive over his cheese. He kept saying everyone was eating his cheese slices. Well duh, I bought them for the family, not just him. He does this with any food he likes and it drives me nuts. So.....fed up......cuz c'mon, my kids are big cheese eaters too.............Everytime I saw him take a stack of those slices to snack on (yes I said stack, think like 8 at a shot) I gave one each to the dogs. Took him a while to catch on. He was horrified when he did. I told him no human being needs to go through one 32 oz package of cheese per day. omg So the more I gave the dogs and the kids........the less he had to eat. lol That stopped. Now it's cottage cheese or some such type stuff which I'm sick of telling him is bought to be eaten by everyone, not just him. I make sure everyone gets some.......even if he doesn't. He has backed off almost completely on that one.

My husband? The behavior waxes and wains. I will notice one of these will vanish for a very long time, only to resurface again. I've never been sure if it's him falling back into old habits or him testing to see if I'm still paying attention. lol

 

[susiestar]

Lisa, he is testing to see if you are paying attention. he has NOT forgotten, just wants to make sure the rules haven't changed and he still isn't allowed to do whatever. Just EXACTLY like a kid does.

I like DF and Lisa's ideas. I also think you need to sit your husband down and tell him you want X% off his salary to pay for household stuff and help. Then use that money to find someone to help around the house. If he won't pay, sell his mule, cow, truck, whatever. Yes, it is a big thing but with your accident he should have already hired someone to help you.

Does he like cats? Is he ticklish? Allergic to something that makes him miserable but NOT deathly ill? My bro is allergic to cats esp now that he doesn't have one in the house. Growing up it wasn't nearly as big a problem. My mother once painted the soles of his feet with tuna juice and locked the cat in the room with him because he would not stop sleeping buck nekkid in the living room leaving nasty spots taht had to be scrubbed because he watched movies/read porn after we went to sleep. She was the QUEEN of making you regret bad choices. She also once put duct tape up and down his legs from his groin to his ankles in LOOOOOONG strips as he slept. He had super hairy legs before that and afterward he had a couple of weeks of itching as the hair grew back. Idiot boy had the nerve to ask her WHY she did that to him and I swear I laughed for a week over the way she chewed him up and spit him out and then kicked dust on him by telling his friend who would get ALL of his friends laughing about it. He didn't do this night porn in the den thing one or ten times - he did it every time he could get away with it for almost six months before she waged war on him over it.

PUt the mayo on the tv. NOt just the remote - the tv screen. Or the computer if that is what he is on. Put tacks on his chair under the cushion. SO that when he sits they will poke his hiney. If there is a fabric he HATES? cover the chair he loves with it. My mom could get me to do many things by telling me that if I didn't she was going to put a wool cover on my favorite chair. It makes me itch and break out so I avoid it like the plague. Do down pillows make his nose stuffy? Put down filled pillows on his chair. Think about what would really bug him and then use it to modify his behavior. If he does what you want, it does not happen.

 

[flutterby]

Me, personally...I wouldn't go through all of that trouble. I would either 1) tell him when he got home that he left the bread, mayo and cheese wrappers out, or 2) call him at work and tell him he's going to need to pick up bread and mayo on the way home as he left it out.

 

[KTMom91]

I think...

...that's it's a shame you can't fix dinner with that stuff still out on the counter. Or do anything else for him.

 

[Marguerite]

Heather, I'm with you. The direct, fast response. Matter-of-fact. "Honey, you left the bread and mayo out and the cat got to it before I found it. Please pick up more on the way home; you will need to, if you want bread and mayo as part of your lunch tomorrow. Oh, and I threw away your cheese wrappers for you. You can thank me when you come home."

husband & I are direct with one another. It makes a big difference. And it did not come naturally to him, his mother has been the queen of denial and passive-aggressive from way back when. He was always on the back foot, trying to not react to the damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't traps and feeling slammed from this wall to that. But I work differently, as a result he & I together work well. And I get on well with his mother now, too. It takes effort sometimes, but I consider it an investment. Or perhaps us repaying her investment in him. When it is a bad day, I just try to channel the Dalai Lama...

Marg

 

[TerryJ2]

Aw, Marg, I was having so much fun reading these responses, and then you had to give a Grown Up Answer.

I guess I shouldn't tell anyone about when we were first married and husband expected me to do all the laundry, folding it and arranging it exactly as his mother would have done. Never mind that we were both working FT. So one day, I took a wk or 2 worth of dress shirts and pants and shoved them into his car, willy-nilly, for him to find in the a.m.
He never said a word.
Just about killed me, waiting for a response.
After nearly 2 wks (maybe longer, a year? Nah, just a week ...) I gave up and asked him.
He grinned and said he took it all to the cleaners.
That was the last time I ever washed, dried and ironed any of his dress shirts.
Nope, I won't tell THAT story ...

 

[Shari]

Marg, the problem with your approach is, I will tell him to do something, and he'll flat out not do it. Even happily admitted this to the counselor, as well. So talking doesn't do me any good...I have to do something that leaves an impression - not really get on his level, but, as the counselor said, "meet it head on, do not be passive about it".

I screwed up. I put it away when I found it, knowing I would be home before him, and intended to get it back out and leave it as I found it before going to PT. The hope being the whole loaf wouldn't be ruined and he'd find it before the cats had a feast all over the just vacuumed house. But, darn it, I forgot to put it back out. And he'd been inside since he's been off work. So I screwed up, and will just have to tell him. This time.

And I didn't realize it, but the tackle box he used all last week to fish 3 nights? Is easy child 1's. And its still sitting in the back of husband's truck, Has been for 4 days. Through 4 days of rain.

 

[TerryJ2]

Argh.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ummm... I guess on this thread, all I can say is that... in our house, it isn't husband.
HE would actually clean the kitchen every night for me if I let him, and put absolutely every single thing away every single time... BUT... it means that I have to cook without creating a mess (and I'm a klutz, so there!) and have to organize the fridge so that everything has exactly one place to go. Really. He's a total neat freak. To the point that sometimes I freak out.

But reading this thread... maybe its not so bad that he eats absolutely whatever I happen to want to cook for breakfast, lunch or supper, from ground beef to roast beef to... (anything but peanut butter) even if it means eating re-heats for lunch 3 days in a row. I guess I'm lucky on this one!

 

[Mattsmom277]

When I was with easy child's father, he drove me nuts leaving a trail everywhere in the house. Coat, shoes, bags, food, dishes, dirty clothing, clean piled up clothing, shaving stuff everywhere etc. I remember right before "the end" I got so fed up! easy child was in diapers, Matt was then a major difficult child, and I had easy child's fathers 3 kids from his first marriage full time for a period. All the work was on me. House, kids, cleaning, cooking, and paying for it all to boot. I lost it one day. I made kids pick up all of their things, I picked up mine and baby easy child's. I then rampaged through the house with a laundry basket and picked up all of ex's laying around junk, which included tons of dirty dishes. I dumped it all on his side of our bed and covered it up with the blanket. I let myself "fall asleep" on the sofa watching t.v. so he went up to bed alone. Only to pull back the covers and find it a total disaster he would HAVE to clean up in order to go to bed. On top of his pillow was a note telling him that he best not be considering throwing it all beside the bed to climb in, that it was to be picked the you know what up. Imagine his face when he pulled back the blanket on his lumpy bed to find a pile of dishes and glasses, shoes, coats, briefcase (for the resumes he never handed out!), toiletries, video games, books, etc? I still snort a little thinking back. Wish I'd been a fly on the wall!!! Needless to say, he put the stuff where it belonged. Not that it improved things for long . But if he'd been worth keeping in my life, I'd have kept up the antics lol.

 

[Hound dog]

Honestly, I'd love to just be able to do it the grown up way with husband. Only he has rarely responded to the grown up way, at least on this sort of thing. mother in law required nothing of her kids growing up that required picking up after themselves (a horrid mistake she admitted to me not long after I married husband and couldn't seem to get the man to put his dirty clothes in the hamper), she required the opposite as it made cleaning to her expectations easier on her. However, neither of her daughter in laws appreciated this as we've both worked a lifetime breaking lazy bad habits.

Mattsmom...............I had my Mom do that to me once when I forgot to take out the trash. Needless to say I never forgot a 2nd time. lol

 

[HaoZi]

I heard from a friend that a bit of itching powder in a man's underwear can help with attitude adjustments.

 

[Hound dog]

I heard from a friend that a bit of itching powder in a man's underwear can help with attitude adjustments.