Some good news for a change!

[Signorina]

O PG I am so so sorry.

I've written this before - but I feel like I am the "keeper of the flame" with difficult child with the "flame" being the easy child inside difficult child. I feel like so long as I can nurture that tiny little flame (even in secret) his real, good life will be there for him should he ever decide to give up his difficult child ways. When I see even a flicker of the easy child within difficult child - I fan and bellow that flame and hope it will catch hold...

and then I get hit upside the head with irrefutable evidence that the difficult child is in control. And it stings like heck...

{{{hugs}}} I guess as mom's, it's our job to never give up. Even when we detach, even when our difficult children have apparently given up on themselves. It hoovers.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She did call them yesterday and they are giving her to Tuesday to get her ID. I told her that I will be picking her up first thing in the morning, we will get the ID and then I will bring her straight to Captain D's so they can make a copy!! I will feel SO much better when she is actually working...this was so close to being another disaster....ugh.

Sih - you hit the nail on the head there!!!

 

[toughlovin]

PG - Sounds like you are giving her the right balance....helping her do positive things to get her life in order, offering her good options but not letting her come back and live with you!!

What is it with difficult children and IDs? Mine lost his on the beach last week....

TL

 

[DammitJanet]

I swore I was going to give Cory a belly ring and attach one of those chain wallets to it...lol.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Janet - that is not a bad idea!! LOL

I know husband thinks it is wrong that I am dropping everything to help her, but I tried explaining to him that I am supporting her doing the right things - like a JOB instead of selling drugs. I will do everything I can in my power to help her do that! If that means taking a half day from work to get her to the DMV - no problem. (I don't mind having the time away from work right now to be honest anyway. Work is a major source of strife with me lately...I have a new boss and it is not a good thing...) She thinks the reason they gave her another chance is because each time they have asked her to be there, she is there at least a half hour early. I told her it certainly helps, but that she is very lucky they are giving her this chance.

As of this morning, her and the boyfriend made up again - what a rollercoaster of a relationship that is!!! Goodness, sounds like the first year husband and I were married. We fought more than we got along...

So, for today anyway, things are looking up again. I will also bring her prozac to her tomorrow - maybe that will help at least a little....I just feel so relieved that she still has this job.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Oh and wow - trying to read my post that I posted from my "smart" phone...it doesn't sound very "smart"...lmao.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

And to cap off the good news, miss difficult child passed her driver's license exam and is now a legal driver!! I say that because she has been driving illegally forever now....now she is legal. I really hope she continues to build on the good!!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

And just as they were looking up, we are back in the doom and gloom again. She was supposed to be working yesterday from what she told me on Tuesday night. I called and texted yesterday morning to ensure she was up again for her first day and didn't hear from her all day. Checked the phone and no activity until the afternoon. I see that her job called her around 4:30pm. Peculiar if she was working? Then she posts on Facebook that everything has flipped upside down. That she was enjoying life and being alive and lost everything in an instant. I am thinking she either didn't show up for work, or went and had an attitude or something and lost her job before she even started. Ugh. I am obssessing about what is going on with her and she is not answering my calls or texts. I need to detach in a huge way and can't seem to do it...I keep telling myself if she messed up her job then SHE messed it up and she needs to deal with it and learn from it. But I am so obssessed. I have this NEED to know what is going on. Why do I do this to myself?? I have more than enough stress coming from my job these days. I don't need to take on hers, too. Help warrior moms.....

 

[CrazyinVA]

Ugh.. I get that way sometimes, PG. Facebook can make it worse, for sure. I suspect it will be something much less dramatic than her post suggests, though. You'll hear the details eventually (at least, her version of them). Try to focus on something else for now so you don't obsess too much about it.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

And for those of you still reading this soap opera, I just heard form her and yes, she lost her job. Shocker. Something about taking too much time so I am thinking I was right on with what happened. She was probably supposed to show up yesterday and overslept. Nice. I feel like she will never realize that drugs are truly costing her everything. And yes, I do believe she is still doing drugs - unsure what, but she is still not right. She is depressed. Her boyfriend, who is supposed to be a grown man, is a loser who does absolutely nothing as far as I can tell. They fight and make up in cycles in what seems like a daily basis. If they break up, she has nowhere to stay out there. Her life is an absolute mess and I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do. She has to learn and hopefully grow from this. But, I need to be done. I took time off from work (which has set me back even further in my workload) to buy her the shoes she needed, the pants she needed as well as take another day off to get her driver's license and she couldn't even make it in to work. Time to detach big time.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Yeah, detachment sounds like what's best. I think this was definitely a case where you were "working harder" than she was to get and keep her job. I know you want to do whatever you can to support her in positive decisions.. but at some point, it just becomes a fruitless effort if they're not invested in it themselves. When your life begins to suffer because of the help you are giving, it's time to take a big step back. She's the one whose life should suffer in order to effect change, not yours. Don't take that on for her.

Hugs. I know how hard it is to get your hopes up that things are turning around, only to have them dashed once again.

 

[buddy]

oh my...sorry. I would have a hard time too, you have way more practice than I do since I dont need to do it for that reason (but do need to allow things to happen and not try to fix or control every situation)... I hope she is ok. Sounds like her FB status shows that extreme black and white kind of thinking so many of our kids have that just makes things so hard. i wish there was a way to help with that in a real way.... Some just dont seem to get it, mine certainly doesn't when in the middle of things anyway. He does ok in minor things or long after when processing but in the heat of the moment, uggg, just can't cope well.

 

[rejectedmom]

What an emotional roller coaster you have been on this week. I so remember those days with my difficult child. They generate so much drama it makes you sick as a parent. I hope you canstep back and just let what will be..be.

 

[toughlovin]

PG - I so understand about the obessing about them. I do that too.... only thing that really helps is distraction.. do something else you enjoy that will get you rmind off of her. Keep working on detachment, realizing that this is a process for you too.

 

[Kathy813]

PG,

I called and texted yesterday morning to ensure she was up again for her first day and didn't hear from her all day. Checked the phone and no activity until the afternoon. I see that her job called her around 4:30pm. Peculiar if she was working? Then she posts on Facebook that everything has flipped upside down.

I don't want to sound harsh but why are you doing those things? She is an adult who lives on her own. She needs to get up for work on time and you shouldn't be checking her phone. I won't even start on what I think of Facebook.

I know that you love her and want her to get better but you are right that you are obsessing over her. I don't even have a Facebook page because I don't want to be even tempted to check up on my difficult child. It might be better if your difficult child had a separate cell phone account, too. My difficult child has a Metro PCS account that you have to pay in advance each month and has unlimited text and minutes for $40 a month.

Believe me . . . I know how hard it is to try not to spend all of your time worrying. I agree with TL. Find a hobby or volunteer your time to keep busy.

~Kathy

 

[donna723]

PG, could it be that she was drug tested for the new job and failed it? And I agree with Kathy. It sounds like you want this job for her a lot more than she wants it for herself. I understand how you feel but a person who really wants a job does not oversleep on their first day, even if they have to stay up all night! And they don't neglect to get an ID that they know they need to be able to work. I am sorry. I know how much you want this for her but this is something she will have to do for herself if she wants it badly enough. If nothing else, this might be a good learning experience for her.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

No, she told me they didn't drug test at all and I believe that. My current job is the only job that I have ever been tested for. She should have gone straight there when we got her ID but she was afraid they would make her work that night and she wanted to go be with loser. But, you are all right, I am obssessing and it is not healthy.

She changed her status to single and has been posting suicide threats. She has been posting about suicide lately as a ploy to get this loser to stay with her. I can see right through it, believe me. But, do I do nothing?? Can I have her committed for these posts? I think it would be a GREAT time for her to get some real help...

 

[toughlovin]

You could call the police and have them do a well being check on her. You could ask them not to tell her you were the one who called. Last year my difficult child put some very worrisome stuff on fb. I was worried but did not do anything because he does tend to be dramatic on fb. Anyway some of his friends saw it and were concerned and called the police. The police called me because they were not sure where he was. I told them and they went and checked on him. So the good thing about fb is all sorts of friends are seeing it and you can call the police and she doesnt need to know it is you.

And yeah when you are feeling overly obsessed take a break from fb and the phone logs.

TL

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Ah but that is a problem. I have no idea where she is. She was living with loser boyfriend and has been since October. In all their constant arguments, she has never changed her relationship status on Facebook. So I am assuming she must be elsewhere. I have reached out to her, but she has not reached back.
So I am going to.try to let it go and enjoy the day with my husband. It is our 15th anniversary and our beloved Patriots are playing for a spot in the Superbowl.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I also worry because no one responds to these posts she puts out there. I worry then she will.really think no one cares and that is not true. I care. :-(