Son's ex, grandson, and more hassels from her

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So now she is moving and in a place that Junior has to change schools, if she gets her way, and also in a spot that makes it hard for Bart to get him, although Bart WILL get him even if he has to change his work schedule.

    Thank God for my ex and his inheritance. He was soooooooo cheap when we were married, but he has really "brung it" for Bart to help him keep his current custody with his son. Ex is very found of his grandson and, since retiring, spends most of his time with his grands and much time in St. Louis area.

    So he allowed Bart to get one of the best lawyers for custody in his county...a pitbull type who has high AVVO ratings and good customer comments. I am trying to use my coping skills not to worry and tell myself "whatever happens, I can not control it." Bart doesn't have those coping skills and is a nervous wreck. He hung up on me today for the first time in forever, but I know it's just that he is stressed. I'm not angry about it.

    This ex is a nightmare. Junior loves his school, does well there, has tons of friends, and I am hoping that this helps Bart get the residential address, which he is going to go to court to try to get. His ex has been trying to get Bart away from his son since she ran off with her Match friend before she even filed for divorce.

    The nightmare continues. I am going to visit Bart and Junior soon again and I hope it's fun and over with, not tense. As far as we know, she has no lawyer yet. Junior is clinging to Bart, saying "I love you, daddy. I love you" over and over again. His stepdad slapped him across the face once, but he is so scared of his mother he won't tell anyone "because she'll get angry" and there is nothing anyone can do if Junior won't say it to people other than bart and me.

    I hope this lawyer lives up to his name and that my son gets a good judge. Apparently they are changing judges, switching their jurisdictions.

    I am trying to "keep calm and walk the dog" "keep calm and let go" "keep calm and don't worry about something out of my control." I am glad I know how to sort of do this now.

    But I'm so angry for Junior. Ex takes him to a psychologist he is afraid of and Junior basically says whatever the counselor wants him to say.

    Divorce reaks. My son did not want this divorce and had no idea it was coming. Junior is beside himself, poor little guy. Well, just a vent. I can't do anything so not much you guys can help withi. Thanks for listening.
     
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  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Having just spent 4 weeks living with the teenage biproduct of a bad divorce I would way reeks is a nice way of putting it.

    The kids are just torn up and the adults in this case just didn't seem to care. Atleast Junior has Bart.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I really wonder about the next generation of children. I have heard more than one young person say, "If I get married and I don't like it, I can just get divorced."

    I'm sure not all young people are this irresponsible, but some are and the divorce rate is very high. Even in my age bracket, and now with Bart's (he is at the age where many people are splitting up) people whom we never thought would leave each other are leaving. If minor children are involved, it impacts them greatly. Im amazed that so far my grandson is doing well. I think Bart has a lot to do with that, which is why ex wants to separate them the most she is legally allowed. She has no idea that he has a lot of money behind him as my own ex, his father, did not have that type of money before. When I was married to ex, he was known as being cheap in his family. It was a joke. I am very pleased he has stepped up to the plate for his kid and grandson. At least my two boys in Missouri have a good chance against the ex. Her new husband, whom she ran off with while married to my son, does not have money in the family. Ex herself has a very rich family, but the grandfather has the money and is very tight about giving it out and did not help her when she went through her divorce.

    And winning custody battles requires money, unfortunately.

    My son does not want to take him away from his mother. He wants to keep him in the same school that he loves and keep the 50/50 custody arrangement.

    Bart has had a few girlfriends since the divorce, but the one he has now is a keeper and she is really good at helping him through the tough times. I'm glad because I can't be there and a girlfriend trumps a mother every time!!
     
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I am sorry swot. Another thought: we cannot know if something good will come or this or not. We get used to the "way things are right now" and while tenuous and far from perfect, we can kind of breathe for a while. Then...something changes. We are afraid it will be worse than now but there is an equal chance it may be as good or better. Uncertainty and not knowing takes us to fear.

    Protect yourself. This is their deal to sort out and you are a caring bystander. Stand back as much as you can and let things run their course.

    We are here for you as always. Feel those feelings like you are and give time, space and distance their power to work.

    Warm hugs today friend.
     
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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, COM. I tend to think the worst will happen, but I really should just be letting it happen. I know I can't control it.

    I appreciate your checking in on me :)
     
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That's terrible.

    They both have you in their corner and they know it. There isn't anything we can do but love our people when they go through things like this, but just knowing that we are there, and that we believe in them, makes all the difference in the world.

    Bart should not be hanging up on you, SWOT.

    Having a loving mom to talk about it with when we hardly know what to do ourselves is a blessing. Bart should realize that, and be grateful he has a mom who loves him the way you love him.

    Cedar
     
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, he shouldn't.

    If he starts that again, I will have to take breaks between his calls. He doesn't like that, but...
     
  8. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi SWOT,

    While I do not have advice, I am reading along and hoping the best for Bart and your grandson.

    And, peaceful thoughts for you.

    This has to be tough for you to witness. Trust that things will turn out like they are meant to. Life has a way of working out like that. Sounds like Bart has a good attorney and having to change schools sounds like a pivotal point.


    Hugs,
    SS
     
  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Crazy ex-daughter in law syndrome must be going around!
     
  10. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Ditto what SS said, SWOT. I don't have any advice either, but I think that with a good lawyer and a judge who will make the best interests of the child paramount, Bart has a really strong case for keeping things the way they are.
     
  11. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    SWOT,

    I am sorry this is happening to your family. You are right, there is nothing you can do, other than to be a kind a loving presence to junior.

    I had the most amiable divorce possible. I went to my ex's wedding this winter. He and his wife live four blocks away...my SO has a key to their house, as SO is a contractor and new wife sometimes calls if something in their (vintage) house isn't working. One of my sons left town before father's day and called and asked me to drop off my ex's father's day present, which I did.

    And still...no doubt..my kids have suffered from divorce.

    Divorce reeks.

    I can't even imagine if it is ugly.

    We will hold you and your son and junior and your family in our hearts. People recover from difficulties, but it is sad, in the meantime, to watch.

    Hugs to you, SWOT. You have helped me more times than you know.

    Echo
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    She just seems determined, one way or the other, to take Junior out of Bart's life. But I know him and I can't see him allowing it.

    Yes, it's tough. Junior is very upset.

    Bart sees his lawyer today. He does have a very good reputation. The funniest part is that he did his ex's lawyers own divorce...lol. If she even gets a lawyer this time. Money is tight for her, but not for Bart.
     
  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    This is an incredibly reasonable position. That always plays well with the judges.

    Hang in there.
     
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