I also went back and read you other posts.
Did difficult child ever go to a residential treatment center? What happened with the level system that was working? Is he still into computer games as much? Does he still fear the police and want to stay out of trouble with them? How intense is the defiance? Yelling? Threatening to kill? Property damage? How big is he? How realistic are the threats? Is he still hurting the animals? How is he with easy child and you and school? Did you find anything to stop the smearing and peeing? Have the therapists had any ideas on this?
I really hate to suggest this and please bear in mind that I have very little experience with this, but have you ever considered a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis? Sometimes kids push away people just to see if they really care. Or because they don't know what to do with someone who does care.
This is from one of your posts.:
"difficult child was texting back and forth with my boyfriend while I was in with the doctor, and the caseworker asked difficult child how much he liked my boyfriend on a scale from 1 - 10, and difficult child said "8!" So that was awesome. lol"
He hasn't gone to a residential treatment center yet. We're waiting on the reassessment process. We've been told however that unless difficult child is actively chasing us with a knife in hand, he probably isn't going to get into one. So we need to make this situation livable.
He isnt as much into computer games. He lost his DS until a door he punched is repaired, and he's working through a work thing at school to raise money to get it done. He does still fear the police but he's becoming more open with them. Our last PERT call the officer told us he can tell he's very mentally disturbed and he recommended residential. The defiance is a rollercoaster. Some days he's fine and everything goes off without a hitch. Those are the days where the word "no" doesn't come out of my mouth. Others, everything is a fight. He'll ignore requests, do exactly what we asked/told him not to do, etc.
He was great with easy child while she was here. He didn't hit her or anything. They got along amazingly well. With me, he tends to be somewhat sweet and follow my directions unless I've had to tell him no to something. He still smears and drops nuggets everywhere. The peeing isnt happening anywhere but the bathroom, but it is on the tank of the toilet, on the floor, on the side of the cabinet, etc. :/ The therapists and his GI doctor agree it's a power thing, totally voluntary.
He still yells constantly but the threats have all but ceased. He still damages property regularly, usually something belonging to Chris.
He's now about 5'5 (I'm 5'3) and about 115 pounds. We dont know how serious the threats are, but he has gone for the big kitchen knives a few times "playing". I'm putting them away and he'll reach in and grab it play fighting with his behavior therapist, etc.
difficult child likes Chris Honey, or at least says he does. That he wants to get along, he seems to know all the right words to say, then he'll turn around, sometimes minutes later, and threaten Chris, yell that he hates him and Chris is the source of every thing in his life that's wrong. Even birthdays years ago where Chris wasn't in our lives yet. :/
Wrap therapist suggested difficult child might have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but then we discovered that every kid in the program had recently been diagnosed with it, so we were like ehhh.. they'd all been recently trained on recognizing Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and then started seeing it in every kid. difficult child's prior school therapist said he had some symptoms of it, but not enough to warrant diagnosing him.