Scent of Cedar *
Well-Known Member
Happy Birthday, Lil.
Cedar
Cedar
Still wont even attempt to solve his own problems
- Thread starter Jabberwockey
- Start date
Jabberwockey
Well-Known Member
Its not like he needs help figuring things out. He knows that to get money you either have to work or steal. He wont work and, to the best of my knowledge, isn't stealing anymore. Its like he puts on the blinders and focuses on only what's immediately in front of him until someone forcefully rips the blinders off by dumping/firing/evicting him.
Lil
Well-Known Member
True...he never thinks ahead, not a minute. If I were in his situation...well, first of all, I'd never have been in his situation...but if I found myself without a job and family and stranded in a place where I had no money, food, and dependent on the charity of others - the FIRST thing I would do is figure out a way to get funds. He managed to get to Walmart to pick up that $500 we sent...I'd have gone directly to DFS at that point to get the food stamps. I'd have called the cab service and paid them to take me while I had money. I'd have bought some non-perishable food. I would have considered buying a bike or moped with part of that $500 so I was no longer dependent on the people for rides. Is 20 miles a long bike ride? Yes. But it's even longer on foot. Now, that was a month ago...maybe he thought it would be okay at that point. The girlfriend quit her job afterwards...but as SOON as that happened...I'd have been looking for a way out of there, even if it meant hitching to the closest shelter. It's not like he's madly in love with this girl after all. Even now, 20 miles is a long walk, but I'd be hitching to get to DFS. I'd ask the woman who won't take him during the day to drop him off in town at night when she heads to work and sleep on the street for a night if necessary to get to DFS in the morning then hitch back home. I'd certainly ingratiate myself to the people putting a roof over my head by being nicer than ice cream and doing all the chores and such so that they'd feel like I wasn't a burden.
But that's me.
But that's me.
Lil
Well-Known Member
And another <sigh>...tonight he asked if we'd drive him and the girlfriend to a friend's house an hour away...and he already lives 1 1/2 hours away so in essence, he asked for us to make a 5 hour trip to take him somewhere. I said no. He said they're going to hitch hike. I told him I believed that thumbs-out is only allowed on the on and off ramps of the interstates and that the best place to catch rides would be truck stops.
He responded, "Okay".
May be the first time he didn't end with a "Love you". That kind of hurts.
He responded, "Okay".
May be the first time he didn't end with a "Love you". That kind of hurts.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
My son knows too, but doesn't want to hear it. Just the other day his ex filed a motion that will be a full custody battle again, complete with requesting a GAL...joy, joy, happy, happy. The fact is, as you know, a GAL and possible psychologist can change the landscape, even though she was in contempt of court so Bart is out of his mind because he doesn't know what will happen and can't control the outcome and always thinks the worst will happen. He said he may as well stick a knife in himself now if he isn't going to have Junioir.
I calmly told him that legal custody does not mean he will never have his son, whichever way it goes, and that he has to be strong for Junior and to just take the attitude that "I have no control over this and I will let it happen because trying to control the results won't help anything and can only hurt me and my son."
He didn't like that. "I hate your reality thinking."j
When I switched it to, "Well, you can do what your lawyer said and learn all you can about how to handle GALs" he was a bit better, but he hasn't called me for two days, which is a long time for him.
He wants my advice, but only if it's feel-good advice.
Maybe he will have to find different support systems. I am certainly here still, but I don't have the answers he wants, such as will he win this second battle. It would be very good for him if he tried to find peers to give him feedback. I hope he does.
On the other hand, I'm not sure he will. But since he has a strong urge to talk about his probjlems he may HAVE to find buddies to talk to and that would be a positive.
We'll see. I understand how frustrating it is when it seems they depend on us too much and for things that they do know...but they need us to say it.
I'm sorry about your son still leaning on you and not making obvious choices himself.
T
wakeupcall
Well-Known Member
Along this line, I had a happening yesterday. For the first time Ex was unable to take our son(they live together) waaay downtown (large metro area) for yet another one of his court hearings. SO, Difficult Child took the bus by himself, met the attorney, finished court...all on his own (yes, he's 20, but ex hasn't given him a chance to grow up much). THEN he called me and asked me to come to the downtown metro area to pick him up because he missed the bus and was going to have to sit there for four hours. (BooHoo..) I told him he shouldn't have had to be there in the first place and NO I was not driving downtown in the traffic to pick him up. He got there, he can find a way home, or wait for the bus. Imagine my surprise less than ten minutes later when he had found a bus and was on it!!!!! (You see...I refuse to let him manipulate me anymore thanks to this forum!!) I commended him, told him I knew he could do it and we hung up. Baby steps....
Lil
Well-Known Member
SWOT I had wondered what was happening with that! Did she change the school after all? I go away on vacation and lose track of everything.
She filed for full custody? Nuts to ask for a GAL...that's normally reserved for cases with accusations of mental or physical harm to the child...but some people have to pull out all the stops every time.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Lil,
That seems to be a theme for many of our DCs.
There are often several good options they can choose: door 1, 2, or 3 are all different, yet plausible ways to get their life back on track, to move forward.
And yet they always seem to choose--well, they pretty often seem not to choose anything.
Rather than be proactive and make a choice they want to just to do nothing. It is maddening.
That seems to be a theme for many of our DCs.
There are often several good options they can choose: door 1, 2, or 3 are all different, yet plausible ways to get their life back on track, to move forward.
And yet they always seem to choose--well, they pretty often seem not to choose anything.
Rather than be proactive and make a choice they want to just to do nothing. It is maddening.
Lil
Well-Known Member
Well, they are apparently hitch-hiking. His girlfriend posted a picture on FB last night that clearly showed him near a traffic light, with his thumb out.
I do not know how I feel about that.
I keep telling myself that he'll feel a great sense of personal accomplishment if they actually get to where they are going with no money and no help...except from people actually willing to give them a ride.
Of course, I suppose when you get right down to it, hitching is just another form of depending on others.
I do not know how I feel about that.
I keep telling myself that he'll feel a great sense of personal accomplishment if they actually get to where they are going with no money and no help...except from people actually willing to give them a ride.
Of course, I suppose when you get right down to it, hitching is just another form of depending on others.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
No, but she had tried! The school wouldn't let her. A few nights ago she tried to get grandson into Boy Scouts at that school, but they wouldn't do it because he doesn't go to that school so apparently she went off on the leader in front of many shivering women and kids. Then they gave in and said ok but the father has to sign too and she started screaming in front of everyone about Bart. Bart's girlfriend knows two women who coincidentally live on the same block ex moved to and one was at the Boy Scout meeting and told girlfriend that she won't sign her son up if "that woman" is going to be there. Everyone on her block has heard her already.SWOT I had wondered what was happening with that! Did she change the school after all? I go away on vacation and lose track of everything.
Bart told his attorney about the incident because she acted like a lunatic, but lawyer needs witness names so Bart is going to ask his girlfriend for the information. She has asked for a new custody hearing in which she gets sole legal custody so that she can e nroll Junior in "New School" and wants a GAL. So now it begins again. She will never quit. If she wins, she will take Junior far, far away and be able to do it.
Bart's lawyer told him he has to learn to play the GAL, but didn't tell him how so now Bart is trying to find internet info on how to treat a GAL. The last one was pretty nasty to both of them, but she won't be the GAL again.
Lil
Well-Known Member
In front of the kids? That's actually good for Bart if the woman will testify to it!
Until she loses. Fingers crossed.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Lil, you know how it goes. A GAL may never see this side of her and she could win. Ex, like last time. will tear Bart apart.
I'm very disheartened.
I'm very disheartened.
Lil
Well-Known Member
There is no way to be sure what will happen at trial, that's true. But your son has a great lawyer, she's already violated a court order, she's caused a scene, apparently in front of not only her child, but a bunch of boyscouts and their parents, as well as Jr's teacher last year. There's no reason to believe that she will come out on top of this.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Yeesh!!!!
Lil
Well-Known Member
Yeah...he was on FB last night so I just came out and asked. They made it to where they wanted to go. He said they walked 4 hours before someone gave them a ride. I reminded him that it's called hitch HIKING.
But whatever.
Thinking of making that ever so artistic photo my avatar. Kind of sums everything up.
But whatever.
Thinking of making that ever so artistic photo my avatar. Kind of sums everything up.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Do it!
And good exercise!
And good exercise!
