teen pregnncy!!!!!!:( HELP!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rosebud71, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. rosebud71

    rosebud71 New Member

    I just found out yesterday that my 14 year old daughter is 9 weeks pregnant. I havent stopped crying. I know we all have some rough decisions ahead of us. But I cant help to think I could have prevented this or better protected her. On top of that I have her younger siblings to deal with. My husband ( her stepfather) thinks its as easy as just making it gone and pretending it didnt happen. I cant see it that way! This is my blood too. Im not ready to deal with this ! some one please help!!!!!
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I can only imagine what you are going through though I don't think now is the time for blame only listening and looking at the options. I know there is Planned Parenthood and Crisis Pregnancy Centers...depends on which route you all will take. Crisis pregnancy can help council and or assist with adoptions. I highly recommend talking to outside council soon.

    I just wanted you to know you are being heard Others will come along soon and give you good suggestions and care.

    hugs, I will say a prayer for your daughter and family.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Deep breaths.

    You and your daughter do have difficult decisions ahead of you. The biggest mistake you could make is trying to make those decisions right now while you are in a state of panic. Take a day or so, and calm down. There is nothing you can do to change what has already happened. So take a little time to get over the shock of it.

    Then, once you are of sane and sound mind, sit down with daughter, husband, (even the father and his parents if applicable), anyone who is involved, and have a calm discussion.

    It seems like the end of the world right now. But you will all get through this.

    Hugs and prayers.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{rosebud}}} What everyone has said so far is correct - take a day or so and then sit with the interested parties and discuss your daughter's options.

    No matter what she (everyone) chooses, it will be difficult. Thinking of your daughter's future and the long term should be of the utmost importance in her (your) decision.

    Lots of hugs~
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Since you just found out yesterday, you are still in shock. You need to give it at least 72 hours to let all the ramifications of this settle in before you make any decisions. With all due respect, your husband needs to step back and let you and your daughter handle this right now.

    At this point, I would imagine your daughter is as scared as you are. She needs your comfort, love and understanding. Don't beat yourself up. If you feel there were things you could have done differntly, live and learn and change for the future. But don't take personal responsibility for a choice that she made. It's not as if you allowed her boyfriend to have sleepovers in her room.

    I hate to ask this, but has she told you who the father is? I hope she has not been taken advantage of.

    Lots of hugs to you. I hope you are able to come to terms with this situation and make some plans that are the best for all.

  6. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    I also sent you a private message.
  7. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Rosebud, has she mentioned what her intentions are? You have to give yourself some time to let this sink in. Then with clearer heads you can discuss options with her. It will all work out one way or another.

    If she chooses adoption, there are many many couples myself included out there that are awaiting a baby to love. Help her decide what the best thing for her is.

  8. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I got pregnant with my oldest son when I was 17. I had just graduated high school when I found out. I was terrified, but I knew I wanted to keep my baby. I was so scared of how my parents would react and I was ashamed. My parents made the decision to fly me to Mexico. I don't know if this is true and they swear it wasn't, but back then, I thought they were flying me to Mexico to get an abortion. I refused to go. I told my mother that I needed to be with my boyfriend (my ex husband) at the time. She signed off on me getting married because she knew I was only months away from 18 and could make the decision myself. When I told my parents (my mom and step dad), my dad asked if anyone was hungry and he left to pick up some chicken and didn't come back for about 4-5 hours. I was devistated.

    As bad as it seems that your daughter is so young, do your best to give her information without letting her know how upset you are. This is hard on her too. Give her information about adoption, abortion and keeping the baby. Be as up front and honest as you can be with her. Let her know what keeping the baby means, late nights, no sleep, missing going out with her friends, no money and so on. Just be sure you give her lots of hugs and let her know that you will support her decision, that this is her decision. She may only be 14, but this is her baby. If you allow her to make the decision with all the information you can provide, things will work out better for her as time passes. Do your best to not lead her in a direction. I can't stress this part enough. If my parents had convinced me to have an abortion way back when, I would have never forgiven myself or them. My son is a beautiful 12 year old boy, who is now taller than me, deep voice, smart aleck attitude and all. I love him and I can't imagine what life would be like if I had made a different decision. I'm thankful I stood my ground and didn't allow my parents to make any decisions, but it still hurts me to think about how they reacted and what they suggested when they first heard about it.

    Many (((hugs))). I was not the mom in my situation, so I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for you. You had different hopes and dreams for your daughter. Everything will work out the way it supposed to. Give your daughter a big hug and let her know how much you love her and that you will support her decision. This doesn't mean you are raising the baby, just that you'll help guide her along the way. Give her (((hugs))) from me too. Let her know she is not alone and I remember how difficult the situation was. My heart goes out to you both.
  9. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi rosebud~

    I just went through a similar situation with my daughter about one year ago. She was 17 years old.

    I also spent eight years as a crisis counselor in a Crisis Pregnancy Center in our hometown.

    So, I'm speaking from a professional and a personal level.

    First ... as everyone has suggested you need to give yourselves a few days to assimilate this new information. Then you need to make an appointment with a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. At this point, I would advise you to avoid Planned Parenthood as they have a slightly different agenda and are less objective than a Crisis Center. And your family is is crisis.

    They will do a pregnancy test and begin the process of helping your family sort out the options available to your daughter.

    Now as a mom ... I too was devastated by our daughters news. It was my worst nightmare ... The most important thing you can do for your daughter is tell her that you love her and are with her no matter what. Try to avoid "You've ruined your life. You've ruined my life" and so on. If you need to vent ... call a friend ... come here. Your daughter is thinking those things already. You don't need to verbalize them. You need to reassure her that you love her ... that you stand by her.

    If you need to ... private message me and I'll give you my phone number.

    Hugs from my mothers heart. I'm so sorry.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I read somewhere, recently, that at a certain age THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. It's NOT your fault. Short of following your daughter around 24/7, you couldn't have stopped her. It isn't your fault, and right now I agree that it's too soon to see things straight. In a few days you will have a better perspective. Please don't blame yourself.
  11. I can only offer my prayers to you and your family. Many hugs to you and your daughter in this difficult time.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am the product of an unplanned pregnany. My mother was 15 when she got pregnant. I was born 2 months after her 16th birthday. She has never advanced beyound that age. She will remain an adolescent. Taking on adult responsibilites when you can't remember to turn your homework in is not an easy job.

    I know a lot of young mothers, who through perserverance and hard work made it work. I know a lot of children, including myself, who had parents who never could get it together. This is going to be a hard road. At 14, although she is old enough to get pregnant, she is no where near ready emotionally to handle the job of being a mother. If she decides to have this child---be prepared to raise the child. Cognitively, emotionally, she is not ready!

    Your daughter needs you now more than she ever has. You need to find the proper counseling for her and let them spell out all of the options---there are several available. Let her make the decision with your input.
  13. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could do to stop it.
    Give yourself a few days to calm down before making any decisions. The others gave great advice.

    Steph :sad:
  14. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My heart goes out to you.I have not been in your shoes but have worked in hospitals and seen mothers as young as 9.My only advice is to get counseling from somewhere that deals with teen pregnancy.The teen years are hard enough without added stress.I am sure she will need somebody to help her work out her feelings too.As hard as it seems right now to make a decision,one will come when things are calmed down a bit.My prayers are with you and your family for emotional strength.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  16. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Not sure if any of her classmates know,but you may also want to call the school board,even anonymously,and ask what their policy is for a student who is pregnant.Out here they are transfered to a different school or tutored.
  17. C.J.

    C.J. New Member


    My difficult child put our family through a pregnancy scare earlier this year. N* was on birth control -- for what was supposed to be horrible cramps and heavy bleeding. Instead, I guess it was the permission slip N* and boyfriend were looking for.

    It was a false alarm, yet the emotional scars still hurt. I remember grieving...for what could have been her lost youth, and for the baby who would have suffered no matter what decision would have been made (I was an oops baby myself). I remember being angry -- so very angry. No matter that this will be HER child, she's still YOUR child, and you're well aware she's not prepared to be a mother, and you're probably angry that you have enough on your plate right now, and that a teenage pregnancy was never in your plans.

    Another poster mentioned that her dad disappeared for several hours after hearing the news that she was pregnant at 17. My suspicion is, he went away to avoid ruining forever his relationship with his daughter. There were so many things that I truly yearned to say to my difficult child and her (now ex) boyfriend. I said them to my dearest friends. I vented like I've never done before. N* knew I was mad, sad, and disappointed. I was honest with her. I told her that I loved her, and that while she'd known for months she might be pregnant, I was just getting the news, and that since it was a surprise to me, I was going to need some time to be angry, grieve, adjust and adapt. I told her I was capable of all of those things, but they were not going to happen in an instant, and not overnight.

    Turns out, N* was not pregnant, but I now knew that she and boyfriend were having unprotected sex. Slowly, but surely, the shock and devastation wore off...I still have a horrible time trusting her to do what she says she's doing, because I felt like such a fool. We'd talked and talked and talked about sex, boys, emotions, hormones...and still she risked everything.

    My heart goes out to you and your entire family. Come here and vent, grieve, share. I am so very sorry for you.

  18. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I also found myself a single mother. I was much older. But, I will never ever forget the fear. I was terrified of the future, I was ashamed, and I was scared to tell my parents.

    all of you need to discuss what is right for your daughter. What the options are, what her feelings are. Being on the terrified, feeling alone side...give her a hug. support her.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh no, Rosebud!

    Many, many hugs. I wish I could send you a big bubble with-space and time and the ability to sleep soundly and think clearly throughout this.

    We were just talking about this at the dinner table the other night. My daughter is 16 and a easy child. husband was upset that we were even discussing birth control and I said I'd rather be discussing that than pregnancy. The whole thing scared all of us to talk about, but the reason it came up to begin with-was because it was going to be a discussion topic for school and sure to be a heated topic! (Oh, difficult child had left the rm.)

    Our conclusion was that easy child had to think of herself and her future first, whether that would be school/college, working full time while caring for a baby, etc. She has an acqaintance at school who is pregnant and is going to marry her boyfriend. They are 17. Wow. It may last, it may not, but I have to give them credit for trying.

    Since we met our difficult child through adoption, we're very into that. It would break my heart to have to place a beautiful baby with-strangers or even friends, but we'd have to think of easy child first. I don't know if she'd have the nerve to go through with-an abortion but we told her that the option would be hers. Thank G*d we're only at the discussion stage.

    I wish you much wisdom and clarity.
  20. rosebud71

    rosebud71 New Member

    Thank you to all of you who gave great advise. We told her dad lastnight and of course he quickly pointed his finger at me and my daughter ran off crying. Im going to call the crissis pregnancy center today. All the men in my life her Dad and step father want to just make it gone and not look back, but Ultimatly this disition is hers and I will be there to love her right through it. I was 18 and single when I got pergnant with her, so I know what she feels. Ecept I was a drop out and on drugs at the time and I had a loveing mom who got me through it, and she was born healthy and clean.Not to say I didnt struggle even at 18, I dont know where I would have been with out my mom. :crazy2: I want to be that same support for her!You wonderful ladies who messaged me are helping me to better do that.