The big detach......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Steely, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well.........after 6 years of homeschooling, taking difficult child to therapy, appts, and activities, it is all coming to an end. He will be 17 in ten days, and I start working full time this Sat. This is an abrupt end to a very loose lifestyle, one in which difficult child has become all to comfortable with.

    It will now be up to him to get up each day for his GED classes (which start on his 17th BD), get ready, take his medications, take the dogs out, be ready for his ride, go to school, sometimes counseling, and come home and make sure he has picked up after himself (he is a slob), before I get home at whatever time. I know this sounds normal for most teenagers, but he is very immature, and very used to the "homeschooling life". I know I have enabled him WAY too much the last couple of years.......thus the BIG changes.

    Please just stand with me in prayer or support that he will adapt to this without to much hoohaw, i.e. tantrums, rages, etc............and that I will be able to detach and let him fail if need be, without becoming too wrapped up in it. Forever I felt like I needed to fix everything in his life, somehow make it better........but I know now......that has done nothing but harm him.

    It will be a huge lifestyle change, and one I hope he can swallow without going off the deepend........but regardless, it has been made and I will not reverse it. I can only hope he adapts without making any more chaos in his life, or mine.

    Thanks
    Willow
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Prayers that the transition is smooth.

    And if it is not...we'll be here to help you through it.
     
  3. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Don't worry so much about the ifs Willow, save your strength for when you really need it.

    He may shock you and thrive with the freedom of making his own decisions and being responsible for himself.

    You need this just as much as he does.

    Take a deep breath and one day at a time


    sending prayers for smooth sailing (((hugs)))


    Traci
     
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Here's hoping he steps up to the plate and takes on his life....
     
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Change can be good, I'm sending good thoughts! -RM
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Prayers going out.

    Does he have all the tools in his tool box to accomplish his tasks? Things such as does he know how to get around on buses if that is how he will be getting around? Does he know exactly where and when he has to be places? Do you have a huge master calender up on the wall that is color coded?

    I would attempt to make things as user friendly for both of you as possible so this goes off without a hitch.

    If he hasnt done all this before, maybe do a few dry runs a few days before. Make sure he has lunches or lunch money laid out each day. Bus money in certain place or bus passes. You know the drill. Oh...and a good alarm clock. Maybe also consider investing in getting him a cell phone so you can check on him from time to time during the day. Just a thought.
     
  7. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Fingers crossed.

    I agree with- hearthope. One day at a time. Cross the waters when you get to them ... well actually ... let him cross the waters when he gets to them. LOL.
     
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm sure it's not going to be easy in the beginning and you have to expect that. One of the slogans that always sticks with me from alanon is something like expect progress not perfection. I think I have that right. These are things he hasn't done for himself before and I agree with janet, have a few dry runs if it's not to late.
     
  9. morningcuppa

    morningcuppa New Member

    Best of luck with this one. I hope he does well.

    Fingers crossed for you.
     
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{willow}}} Sending some prayers and positive vibes that difficult child (and you) do well in the transition. Hugs~ :angel:
     
  11. DFrances

    DFrances Banned

    False starts, mistakes, poor judgment, or impulsive action are part of growing up.
     
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    "It will now be up to him to get up each day for his GED classes (which start on his 17th BD), get ready, take his medications, take the dogs out, be ready for his ride, go to school, sometimes counseling, and come home and make sure he has picked up after himself (he is a slob), before I get home at whatever time. I know this sounds normal for most teenagers, but he is very immature, and very used to the 'homeschooling.'"

    Actually, this sounds like a quite a bit for a 17 YO, especially one who has never had to do all of this before, especially the concept of picking up after himself. I hope you have a lot of support in place for him whether that be checklists, planned phone calls or whatever. I also hope you are prepared for the mishaps, "forgets," etc. that are bound to occur. After he gets used to the routine, he may thrive but it is the getting used to the routine that is going to be hard.

    I hope you enjoy your new job and good luck with it.
     
  13. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks guys for all your feedback. Yep, I think some dry runs would be good in getting him used to the concepts, as well as lots of charts. Meow, I am also thinking it is a bit much.......but I am going to try and take it slow. I started work yesterday, so he will have a week with me just working, and helping to clean up before I get home. Then the next week I will have him do some dry runs to the counselor and stuff on his own. And then the next week the school thing will start. Still, it is a lot! I will just have to modify if it is too much.

    The most unfortunate thing is that yesterday, my first day, they wanted me to work a 12 hour shift!
    :slap:
    THAT will not be able to continue!!!! For my own sanity, and the wellbeing of my household. difficult child handled it well though. It was actually my dogs that were more like toddlers, whining and carrying on when I got home, like I had just left them for 2 weeks, despite difficult child being there with them all day. UGH! I must be the consummate enabler, people, pets, uh, whatever else that lives and breathes!?! :frown:

    Thanks again!
     
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Willow

    Sounds like you have good plans in place. Don't be surprised if difficult child stumples a bit at first. But then again, he might just shock you and flourish once he gets the hang of it.

    Even if it doesn't go as planned at first, remember what you're doing is best for both you and him. Adjustments can always be made to the best made plans if it turns out to be necessary.

    ((hugs))
     
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