Steely
Active Member
We are all in the most precarious of relationships and situations being a mom of difficult children.
In life, if people cuss at us, or hit us, or destroy things, we simply walk away. We tell them that we will not tolerate their invasion of our boundaries, our integrity, or our bodies, and we leave. Sometimes it is a lover, that tears our heart apart as we walk away. However, usually, it is someone we are ready to never see again. The anger is precise, clear, and delineating.
With our children, it is ever so complicated. Especially when we can see they are ill. We all tolerate the abuse a difficult child brings, because they are our children, our loves, our singular focus as a mom to raise, teach, and mentor. We will not walk away, because we are moms. It is intrinsically wired within us to protect our cubs at all costs.
But what about our hearts? What does enduring this abuse do to our souls after time? It obviously damages us, destroys part of us, and causes scars deep within our psyche. Yet, they are our children. We endure, we persevere, we believe, we hope, we pray.
I realized this weekend being with difficult child, that although I love him with every bit of my heart, and I have missed him/miss him deeply ~ there is part of me that is still angry at him. He was beautiful in our time together. Respectful, polite, conscientious, and full of love towards me. It had been 6 months since I had seen him ~ and yet I was at times irritable, annoyed. I was deeply conflicted because some part of me wanted to tell him how badly he hurt me ~ and yet there was part of me that just really wanted to let it all go.
How do we forgive our children for acts of violence or abuse towards us, when we would not forgive any other person in our life? Whether we like it or not, our soul holds onto the abuse, no matter who that person is. And as much as we want to let it go, it has scarred our hearts. That seems unbelievably sad to me. I want to start anew, and rekindled with difficult child. I want a do over in our life together. I do not want to have to have baggage ~ and yet, is there another way?
True love is supposed to be acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. How is one supposed to accomplish that without
In life, if people cuss at us, or hit us, or destroy things, we simply walk away. We tell them that we will not tolerate their invasion of our boundaries, our integrity, or our bodies, and we leave. Sometimes it is a lover, that tears our heart apart as we walk away. However, usually, it is someone we are ready to never see again. The anger is precise, clear, and delineating.
With our children, it is ever so complicated. Especially when we can see they are ill. We all tolerate the abuse a difficult child brings, because they are our children, our loves, our singular focus as a mom to raise, teach, and mentor. We will not walk away, because we are moms. It is intrinsically wired within us to protect our cubs at all costs.
But what about our hearts? What does enduring this abuse do to our souls after time? It obviously damages us, destroys part of us, and causes scars deep within our psyche. Yet, they are our children. We endure, we persevere, we believe, we hope, we pray.
I realized this weekend being with difficult child, that although I love him with every bit of my heart, and I have missed him/miss him deeply ~ there is part of me that is still angry at him. He was beautiful in our time together. Respectful, polite, conscientious, and full of love towards me. It had been 6 months since I had seen him ~ and yet I was at times irritable, annoyed. I was deeply conflicted because some part of me wanted to tell him how badly he hurt me ~ and yet there was part of me that just really wanted to let it all go.
How do we forgive our children for acts of violence or abuse towards us, when we would not forgive any other person in our life? Whether we like it or not, our soul holds onto the abuse, no matter who that person is. And as much as we want to let it go, it has scarred our hearts. That seems unbelievably sad to me. I want to start anew, and rekindled with difficult child. I want a do over in our life together. I do not want to have to have baggage ~ and yet, is there another way?
True love is supposed to be acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. How is one supposed to accomplish that without
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