The "in person" intervention didn't work

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by TerryJ2, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I didn't think it would.

    I had high hopes for my niece but deep down, I thought that she would be in too much denial.

    My easy child flew out for the mtng this weekend. (easy child is 19. Gfgniece is 24.)
    The initial plan was to use a neutral location (a hotel room I think) and have an out-of-town friend p/u difficult child niece and fib that she'd left her wallet at the hotel and had to go back to get it. difficult child said she was too anxious driving with-someone else (very bizarre, since she's been ticketed numerous times for DUI and is the worst driver I've met) and had to go home. Friend took her home but believed that difficult child was just going to get high. (She was correct.)

    New plan was for the next a.m., early, to surprise difficult child in her apt. Everyone showed up, and difficult child was, indeed surprised. Still in pjs. Boyfriend in bedroom. (He is also her dealer.)
    She said OMG 81 million times and knew exactly what everyone was doing there.
    Told them it was her apt and they had to leave. (Good lesson in why you choose neutral territory.)
    The group members were never able to complete their rehearsed talks because difficult child said "I read all your ltrs so you don't even need to talk. They're all b*llcr*p!" Every other word was the F word.

    The therapist said he knew what she was going through because he'd been there done that, and she retorted, "I've never even met you. Why should I care about you?" (Good point.)

    Mostly, she attacked my sister, (her mother), because it was all her fault for blowing everything out of proportion. Sister calmly asked, "When we went to the dr to have blood drawn and they refused because you were high, how is that an exaggeration on my part?" "When you showed up at the family picnic drunk, with-a black eye, how is that an exaggeration?"
    My bro asked, "What makes you think you can use such foul language with-us here?" She was very quiet after that.
    One by one, people shot down her explosive denials but in between she just yelled, "Get out get out get out get out!"

    She finally took the keys and started to leave, so the group decided to leave. But they elicited a promise that they'd get back together on her terms, since she said she was blindsided and needed a shower and time to think. They agreed 4 p.m. that same day at another location.

    Of course, it never happened. She did talk on the ph to her dad, though, which was a good sign.

    The really bad thing, according to my easy child, was having the boyfriend in the back bedroom the entire time, sitting on the bed, totally silent. Never came out to say hello, negotiate, protect her, run, anything. Just stayed put. Slimebucket. I hope my sister has his name and # to pin him if my niece dies.

    easy child said that niece difficult child was terribly thin and her cheeks were hollow. She said the apt was sparse and contained used, frayed furniture. Two HUGE dogs, which barked through the entire intervention. No one got up to put them in the bathroom or anything. (I would have but I wasn't there ... )

    Afterward, everyone agreed that it was a bad idea to write and mail ltrs b4hand (mine was never rec'd because I sent it confirm receipt PO and that was 3 wks ago). It simply made difficult child bitter and gave her ammunition.

    My poor sister is frazzled. She hosted the out-of town friends and relatives at her house and it was like nothing she could do was right.

    She texted my cell ph that she just needs time to NOT talk about it right now.

    Makes me wish I were Mr. Spock, and could do the Vulcan mind meld where he said, "Forget."
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    How sad!! I really hope it at least gave her something to think about. My brother has been sober for a few years now and the only advice he could offer to me was that I was not going to make difficult child be sober. She had to want it. And he is right. All of the things I want for difficult child, none of it will happen unless she wants it to.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Spoke with-my sister a while ago.
    She is actually very optimistic.
    difficult child has been in contact with-her dad, and my sister says that it can take up to 60 days for an intervention to "work." I thought it had to be an immediate turnover.
    Also, I have good hopes because my sister was talking about plane tickets, which means difficult child would be sent (far) away for a great deal of time.
    The other rehabs were only about 2 wks, and close to home.
    Fingers crossed.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Was someone there who was specially trained to do this sort of thing? I saw that a therapist was there, but I'mm wondering if this was a therapist who's connected to a rehab program. I would suggest your sis talk to someone involved in 12-step programs and get some advice/input there.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, that's his speciality. My impression is that he was once a user and that's what got him interested in the field.

    She's the one who got me into AlAnon so I know she's been through that route. I don't know if this guy came from there, from Hazeldon, or a hospital.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Terry, most tdocs working in the field of addiction have either been addicts themselves or had a loved one who was an addict. One of the things that helps addicts most is having tdocs and others who work with them who have been there done that. So it is a very good sign that your sis picked a therapist to help who has that experience.

    I am sorry things didn't go as hoped for. I hope that niece will choose to go to rehab in the very very near future. And ditch the Slimebag dealer boyfriend. Chances are that a rehab that is far away will be more effective than one close by.

    My heart goes out to your poor sister. I hope and pray that she will give herself some time to heal. Both from the stress of the intervention and from the surgery she had not so long ago. I know it has been a while, but her body did not have a chance to heal from that enormous trauma, and it is going to make everything so much harder on her and for her. If there is something you can do/send her/whatever that would help her relax and destress, this might be the time to do it. A massage or facial, even just a mani or pedi, or a CD of calming music she would enjoy, or even send a season of a favorite old tv show that she might watch and remember better days and laugh or whatever. For my mom a season of Murder She Wrote got her to actually SIT at one point when seh was stressed. She did a series of small tasks like sorting a drawer or whatever while she watched. for her it was perfect - doing the small tasks made her feel a sense of accomplishment that was much needed with-o having her tackle some big job like wiping out the kitchen cabinets.

    My heart goes out to the entire family. If nothing else, I hope the niece can look back on this someday and see how much she is loved, that so many people would travel to do this.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Great ideas!

    I was wondering what to send her. Flowers just seem so lame.

    Thank you for remembering the surgery. She really hasn't given herself time to heal and this cannot have helped. She slept all day yesterday so at least she was able to do that. I have to take my cousin to the therapist tomorrow (the fun just never ends!) so we can stop and pick up something for my sister then.