TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I didn't think it would.
I had high hopes for my niece but deep down, I thought that she would be in too much denial.
My easy child flew out for the mtng this weekend. (easy child is 19. Gfgniece is 24.)
The initial plan was to use a neutral location (a hotel room I think) and have an out-of-town friend p/u difficult child niece and fib that she'd left her wallet at the hotel and had to go back to get it. difficult child said she was too anxious driving with-someone else (very bizarre, since she's been ticketed numerous times for DUI and is the worst driver I've met) and had to go home. Friend took her home but believed that difficult child was just going to get high. (She was correct.)
New plan was for the next a.m., early, to surprise difficult child in her apt. Everyone showed up, and difficult child was, indeed surprised. Still in pjs. Boyfriend in bedroom. (He is also her dealer.)
She said OMG 81 million times and knew exactly what everyone was doing there.
Told them it was her apt and they had to leave. (Good lesson in why you choose neutral territory.)
The group members were never able to complete their rehearsed talks because difficult child said "I read all your ltrs so you don't even need to talk. They're all b*llcr*p!" Every other word was the F word.
The therapist said he knew what she was going through because he'd been there done that, and she retorted, "I've never even met you. Why should I care about you?" (Good point.)
Mostly, she attacked my sister, (her mother), because it was all her fault for blowing everything out of proportion. Sister calmly asked, "When we went to the dr to have blood drawn and they refused because you were high, how is that an exaggeration on my part?" "When you showed up at the family picnic drunk, with-a black eye, how is that an exaggeration?"
My bro asked, "What makes you think you can use such foul language with-us here?" She was very quiet after that.
One by one, people shot down her explosive denials but in between she just yelled, "Get out get out get out get out!"
She finally took the keys and started to leave, so the group decided to leave. But they elicited a promise that they'd get back together on her terms, since she said she was blindsided and needed a shower and time to think. They agreed 4 p.m. that same day at another location.
Of course, it never happened. She did talk on the ph to her dad, though, which was a good sign.
The really bad thing, according to my easy child, was having the boyfriend in the back bedroom the entire time, sitting on the bed, totally silent. Never came out to say hello, negotiate, protect her, run, anything. Just stayed put. Slimebucket. I hope my sister has his name and # to pin him if my niece dies.
easy child said that niece difficult child was terribly thin and her cheeks were hollow. She said the apt was sparse and contained used, frayed furniture. Two HUGE dogs, which barked through the entire intervention. No one got up to put them in the bathroom or anything. (I would have but I wasn't there ... )
Afterward, everyone agreed that it was a bad idea to write and mail ltrs b4hand (mine was never rec'd because I sent it confirm receipt PO and that was 3 wks ago). It simply made difficult child bitter and gave her ammunition.
My poor sister is frazzled. She hosted the out-of town friends and relatives at her house and it was like nothing she could do was right.
She texted my cell ph that she just needs time to NOT talk about it right now.
Makes me wish I were Mr. Spock, and could do the Vulcan mind meld where he said, "Forget."
I had high hopes for my niece but deep down, I thought that she would be in too much denial.
My easy child flew out for the mtng this weekend. (easy child is 19. Gfgniece is 24.)
The initial plan was to use a neutral location (a hotel room I think) and have an out-of-town friend p/u difficult child niece and fib that she'd left her wallet at the hotel and had to go back to get it. difficult child said she was too anxious driving with-someone else (very bizarre, since she's been ticketed numerous times for DUI and is the worst driver I've met) and had to go home. Friend took her home but believed that difficult child was just going to get high. (She was correct.)
New plan was for the next a.m., early, to surprise difficult child in her apt. Everyone showed up, and difficult child was, indeed surprised. Still in pjs. Boyfriend in bedroom. (He is also her dealer.)
She said OMG 81 million times and knew exactly what everyone was doing there.
Told them it was her apt and they had to leave. (Good lesson in why you choose neutral territory.)
The group members were never able to complete their rehearsed talks because difficult child said "I read all your ltrs so you don't even need to talk. They're all b*llcr*p!" Every other word was the F word.
The therapist said he knew what she was going through because he'd been there done that, and she retorted, "I've never even met you. Why should I care about you?" (Good point.)
Mostly, she attacked my sister, (her mother), because it was all her fault for blowing everything out of proportion. Sister calmly asked, "When we went to the dr to have blood drawn and they refused because you were high, how is that an exaggeration on my part?" "When you showed up at the family picnic drunk, with-a black eye, how is that an exaggeration?"
My bro asked, "What makes you think you can use such foul language with-us here?" She was very quiet after that.
One by one, people shot down her explosive denials but in between she just yelled, "Get out get out get out get out!"
She finally took the keys and started to leave, so the group decided to leave. But they elicited a promise that they'd get back together on her terms, since she said she was blindsided and needed a shower and time to think. They agreed 4 p.m. that same day at another location.
Of course, it never happened. She did talk on the ph to her dad, though, which was a good sign.
The really bad thing, according to my easy child, was having the boyfriend in the back bedroom the entire time, sitting on the bed, totally silent. Never came out to say hello, negotiate, protect her, run, anything. Just stayed put. Slimebucket. I hope my sister has his name and # to pin him if my niece dies.
easy child said that niece difficult child was terribly thin and her cheeks were hollow. She said the apt was sparse and contained used, frayed furniture. Two HUGE dogs, which barked through the entire intervention. No one got up to put them in the bathroom or anything. (I would have but I wasn't there ... )
Afterward, everyone agreed that it was a bad idea to write and mail ltrs b4hand (mine was never rec'd because I sent it confirm receipt PO and that was 3 wks ago). It simply made difficult child bitter and gave her ammunition.
My poor sister is frazzled. She hosted the out-of town friends and relatives at her house and it was like nothing she could do was right.
She texted my cell ph that she just needs time to NOT talk about it right now.
Makes me wish I were Mr. Spock, and could do the Vulcan mind meld where he said, "Forget."
