The standoff begins

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Zardo, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    Ok - met with program and difficult child yesterday - PO joined in - we all tried convincing difficult child the longer term program is best option now - he refused - we then presented the reality that if he were to come home we would have similar expectations and rules to a program - he f-bombed that so we told him if he cannot accept that home is not an option and he can either pick from the programs we have offered or work with PO and current discharge team to create his own plan that does not include us. Heartbreaking. So now we wait and pray that he sees the light - his PO did warn him that the day he is released he goes to court with a very strict judge who will not be impressed with his defiance. I must stay strong in the face of great fear and sadness. He has no real reason for wanting to be home - just fear really - he kept saying these programs are all so far away and if he leaves he would have nothing and no one - I said that's the point. I know he just doesn't really want to be sober or comply - wants to find a hippie balance lifestyle which he won't be able to. HORRIBLE
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hi z. I feel your pain and I care. I understand about him thinking he can fund a balance; that's my difficult child's downfall too. I will hold you in my thoughts and I hope you find some peace of mind soon. {{{hugs}}}
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Reality for our difficult children can be a :censored2:
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Zardo I'm sorry he can't see the options as a new start but it does sound as though he wants to continue the lifestyle of having fun. It's no surprise, my daughter wanted the same at that age. They look at their peers around them and think they are just doing what they are doing. They can't see down the road and they blame us for their problems. Don't give up, he is so young and has so much growing up to do. I always said I just wanted to keep her safe until she could do that for herself. He does have the judge to face. If you can't convince him, maybe the judge can.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Zardo i so sympathize and understand how you feel. It is so hard to stand fast when you tell them they cant come home. However I think you know that his coming home is not going to work.... and then you will be even in a worse position of having to enforce the rules, and probably either call his PO or the police. Really his absolute best chance for recovery is a longer term program or something that he comes up with the PO.... he may think his best option is to come home but that is because he thinks he can do this balance thing and succeed and its a road of peril. So stay strong and tell yourself this horrible awful stand that you have to take may the thing that saves his life!

    You know I have been through the ringter with my son but really I do believe if we hadnt taken some of the tough stands we have taken with him that he would not have at least at times wanted to come in from the cold to get help. I think if we had let him live at home we would be totally a mess and he would be even worse off if not dead from even more drug use.

    So as hard as it I think you are doing what you have to do to help keep him alive.... and that is all you can do right now.

  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Mine coming home was the worst thing for him. There were no other options at the time. It took all of 2 weeks before he was right back using and hanging with the same kids that he got in trouble with.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stay strong. He has already shown you that he is not ready to abide by any rules that you set in your home.