forkeeps251
Member
Quick background: Two kids, one age 10, gifted but a talker, and my difficult child, age 6... so far the diagnosis is ADHD and Anxiety not otherwise specified, but he also seems pretty delayed in many other areas... school, speech, etc. His main problems have been with aggression.
difficult child started taking Adderall last year and the end of the year. The first few weeks he was actually in MORE trouble at school. We kept on the medications, and the last three weeks of school he was perfect! This was also around the time they changed his schedule up so that he was spending a lot more time in the resource room.
Summer day camp started, and we stopped the Adderall. I had stopped it for a week when I was taking care of him, and just didn't start it again. Summer camp went fairly well. He did get in trouble a few times... one time they threatened to kick him out, but overall it seemed better than the school year.
Also, they have now switched his perscription to Intuniv. We don't think that this one is doing anything either, at least not for his ADHD.
So that is the background. The current problem is that my mom is watching the boys for the remainder of the summer, and after just TWO DAYS, she has already threatened to stop watching them. Of course my mom is one of the few people who knows both of their stories, and loves them as much as I do and is totally on our side... and she has already threatened to bail because they won't stop fighting!!
For example, in the car: easy child puts his hand in the drink rest in the middle seat. difficult child puts his hand in the same place. MAJOR DRAMA ENSUES. Or, last night... difficult child tells my husband that easy child did something. easy child screams that no, it was difficult child. No one was in trouble in the first place, but easy child flips out and says that it isn't fair that he get in trouble when he didn't do it. The thing is, NO ON WAS IN TROUBLE. There was no time out, or privliges taken away.. nothing. They are constantly blaming one another for something. Constant tattling. easy child has one thing that he does that annoys me in particular, and that is to say very very loudly "difficult child, don't do that! You aren't allowed to do that!" so that he can get away with tattling withough actually coming to one of us about it. Car trips are the worst.
They have rewards. They have punishments. We have tried time together, and time apart. We've tried reasoning with them. At least easy child we should be able to reason with. He is smart, older, and a good kid. We've tried phrasing it like "We really need your help teaching difficult child how to act", and stuff like that. NOTHING HAS WORKED. I just can not get them to start fighting!
Ideally, I would love for them to be best friends. But I know I can't force that. At the very least though, they need to get along for the sake of the family, and the fact that they have to live together for at least another 8 years.
Any suggestions? Please? Creative responses or consequenses? I know difficult child has problems, but it irritates me SO MUCH that I know easy child could be better, and he could be helpful, but I'm spending half my energy and time correcting him as well.*
*Oh, and I don't think it is an attention thing. I asked him once if he was upset because of all the attention we had to give difficult child because of his problems, and easy child looked at me like I had grown a second head, and said something like he would rather be alone or playing with his friends anyway.
difficult child started taking Adderall last year and the end of the year. The first few weeks he was actually in MORE trouble at school. We kept on the medications, and the last three weeks of school he was perfect! This was also around the time they changed his schedule up so that he was spending a lot more time in the resource room.
Summer day camp started, and we stopped the Adderall. I had stopped it for a week when I was taking care of him, and just didn't start it again. Summer camp went fairly well. He did get in trouble a few times... one time they threatened to kick him out, but overall it seemed better than the school year.
Also, they have now switched his perscription to Intuniv. We don't think that this one is doing anything either, at least not for his ADHD.
So that is the background. The current problem is that my mom is watching the boys for the remainder of the summer, and after just TWO DAYS, she has already threatened to stop watching them. Of course my mom is one of the few people who knows both of their stories, and loves them as much as I do and is totally on our side... and she has already threatened to bail because they won't stop fighting!!
For example, in the car: easy child puts his hand in the drink rest in the middle seat. difficult child puts his hand in the same place. MAJOR DRAMA ENSUES. Or, last night... difficult child tells my husband that easy child did something. easy child screams that no, it was difficult child. No one was in trouble in the first place, but easy child flips out and says that it isn't fair that he get in trouble when he didn't do it. The thing is, NO ON WAS IN TROUBLE. There was no time out, or privliges taken away.. nothing. They are constantly blaming one another for something. Constant tattling. easy child has one thing that he does that annoys me in particular, and that is to say very very loudly "difficult child, don't do that! You aren't allowed to do that!" so that he can get away with tattling withough actually coming to one of us about it. Car trips are the worst.
They have rewards. They have punishments. We have tried time together, and time apart. We've tried reasoning with them. At least easy child we should be able to reason with. He is smart, older, and a good kid. We've tried phrasing it like "We really need your help teaching difficult child how to act", and stuff like that. NOTHING HAS WORKED. I just can not get them to start fighting!
Ideally, I would love for them to be best friends. But I know I can't force that. At the very least though, they need to get along for the sake of the family, and the fact that they have to live together for at least another 8 years.
Any suggestions? Please? Creative responses or consequenses? I know difficult child has problems, but it irritates me SO MUCH that I know easy child could be better, and he could be helpful, but I'm spending half my energy and time correcting him as well.*
*Oh, and I don't think it is an attention thing. I asked him once if he was upset because of all the attention we had to give difficult child because of his problems, and easy child looked at me like I had grown a second head, and said something like he would rather be alone or playing with his friends anyway.