I understand the distress, but your mum "crying all day long" is NOT useful to anyone. You need support right now; if anyone has the right to cry all day long, it's you. Although I repeat - it serves no purpose.
I get the impression that emotional expression is being used here as a form of communication as well as a way to say, "I have a [competitive] right to be upset by this." Not healthy, it's as if, instead of stepping up to the plate with practical support, people are falling apart here and there as if to prove how much they care. If this is the case, it is NOT healthy, because it encourages the very problems you are fighting, in difficult child - it encourages her to develop problems as a means to elicit a show of concern for her.
When my sister J was desperately ill earlier this year, things happened fast. I had spoken to her (along with each of my other sisters) to let her know about my breast cancer diagnosis. I needed my sisters to be alerted to the fact that if their baby sister has developed cancer, then they need to be extra vigilant. My sister J was a bit breathless when we spoke but did not tell me she was not well. A few days later, just after my surgery, J was rushed to hospital and within hours had to be sedated and put on a ventilator. We were told she was dying and there was no hope. I already had a lot to deal with - recovering from cancer surgery - but my sister was at death's door. Of course we dropped everything and drove to visit her.
Because she was so ill, we were not encouraged to visit without checking the family visiting schedule. Besides, although she would recognise us while we were there, she would have no memory of our visit (thanks to the type of sedation). Did we cry. I think so - but not to the point where we were useless and unable to support one another. We talked to each other, we rang each other up, we organised visits and met to discuss strategy (even when there was nothing we could do - we still pooled knowledge and tried to find ways to help).
My sister was dangerously ill, we were literally expecting to have a funeral within the week. But if we had fallen apart, what good would it have done J? Or her family? When we visited, we needed to put smiles on and urge her to keep fighting.
The time to fall apart, is under controlled conditions and when you have done your duty as a family member. Nobody has the right to wallow in misery and hang crepe, just because someone they love is in crisis. Too much energy gets wasted in needless misery.
OK, maybe this is a cultural difference here - maybe I'm out of line. But I think, Jena, you need to get away from the emotional overload in this so you can think more clearly and focus on practicalities. I'm not saying you shouldn't cry - of course you can, if you need to. Those long car trips when you're alone in the car give you opportunity. But don't let it slow you down. And anyone else who is so distraught that not only are they not functioning but they are interfering with your ability to function (and this includes not supporting you when it would be expected tat they would be there for you) - then either keep your distance from them, or tell them to cut it out, pull their heads in and get practical. If you can keep going, then so should they. This is not a competition in who displays the most grief. You need practical support and histrionics do nobody any favours.
Sadly, I know too many people who do use histrionics as a means to show how much they care. I loathe it. Too often, there is also a falseness to it. It reminds me of a woman I know who wanted me to work on a project with her earlier this year. I did not want to be involved and had to repeatedly tell her that I needed to cut back on my obligations because of my cancer treatment. She immediately became distraught (even though I had told her about it several times) and expressed utter desolation about my diagnosis. I reminded her I'd told her already, she said, "I must have been so upset, I blocked it out."
Yeah, right. I replied (politely, despite temptation) that since I was the one facing cancer, I would perhaps be expected to be more likely to be in such extreme denial; and yet here I was, facing it all and rolling up my sleeves to get on with it. So if I could, then so should everyone else. Forget the fuss - what do we DO!?
You are entitled to be upset. So is your mother. But I don't think it is right to let grief get so out of hand, especially now difficult child is safe and getting some level of help (even if you have concerns that they haven't made much progress - at least she is not in immediate danger of starvation or dehydration). If difficult child had gone missing and nobody knew where she was, or if there were grave fears for her safety, or her life - then yes, some level of "I'm in tears, I can't cope," would be understandable. Briefly.
Think about the parents of Madeline McCann - of course they have been distraught. But they keep going. They have to, for the sake of their child. You step up and do what you feel you must do. Everybody.
As you ARE doing.
Jena, stay strong. Stay practical. It's actually the best way to feel of use, and therefore the best way to deal with your grief over this.
Marg