tired of pp with easy child! should i feel this way?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by prayerful, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    ok i have this friend i love her to death she is really a good person,but when i look at her and her kids and see how her oldest child is doing so well has manners and all the norm you expect from a child.

    then look at my situation i often fine myself not communicating with her because i feel she doesn't understand what i am going through she tells stories of her daughter excelling and i am quiet about my son about to be exspelled if i don't put him speacial ed! i often make sure that he is not doing anything to harm or hurt her daughter because she doesn'tunderstand that my son can help some things he say or do like when he tells her she is fat and needs to loose weight :smile:

    i feel bad feeling this way and i try to not , but that is the human side of me coming out has anyone else felt this way if so how did you handle it ? advice please!!!!!! need all the friends i can get to keep sainty and not flip out adult conversation at leadt one hour out of 24 in a day .

    the to top things off my grandmother having promblems with her car? and it is going to cost $close to 600 to get my car fixed
    then my husband might have to have sugery on his back iam praying not
    i am prayingthat things change quickly before i go nutts! :smile: going to by a bottle of red wine to relax that is what i choose to do on this cold friday!
     
  2. ShakinThingzUp

    ShakinThingzUp New Member

    Hi... I read your post, and boy have I been there too!

    What I did was to take a close look at the friends I "hung out with" or was going to be around a lot, and chose the couple friends that I knew I'd be seeing a lot, we had kids the same ages, etc...

    Then, I spoke to each of them individually. I asked them to sit down and talk with me (without our kids around). I explained my childs diagnosis, a few examples of the type problems we had with her and the causes. I tried to be brief without too much information to overload her.

    But, basically, I explained to her that I have these rules for my kids that may seem odd -- and here's why. I told her I was worried about her impression of me as a parent, and I didn't want her to think I was looney, but her kids safety was important to me.

    She (the main person I told) had some questions. Primarily she wanted to know "what types of things will she do." And, I was really glad that I took the time to sit with her and specifically talk about this, because she really had no clue... I mean, I KNEW that my daughter was capable of stealing from her daughter, or teasing her and making it look like she was a perfect angel in the process...... my kid has talents! (bad ones, but she is talented at being sneaky!)

    When I saw how open she was to the conversation, I told her what to watch for, and what NOT to allow...... and that everything should be fine. And, it was...... because my friend was open to my honesty, and cared enough to listen.

    She didn't always "get" my rules, but she cared enough to try to understand. And, that helped ME mentally, to know she knew.

    God Bless!
    Amy
     
  3. onmyknees

    onmyknees New Member

    Hi! (((HUGS))) soooooo know how you feel. My 4 brothers all have kids that are 4.0 students, state athletes, national scholars, musicians...etc...I swear about 10 of them in all. Of course, these are my neices and nephews, and I do really feel happy for their successes, but it's impossible not to feel a twinge of jealousy for my own. My oldest is my difficult/odd one, raising her has been like having my teeth pulled everyday, our 13 y.o. was born with a cleft lip and palate, hearing problems, eye problems it goes on and on...mentally he's fine, but again, no stellar grades...we hope for c's. Our youngest is 7 and a bit dyslexic, so that's a struggle. I just want to scream sometimes.

    Just know you are NOT alone in your feelings, and I'm sure everyone has their struggles, it's just that we don't know about 99% of them. I continue to pray that I can be more grateful for what we do have, which is a lot.

    I don't know that I really have much advice for friends, I'm not really that social, and don't have any "close" friends. But, I think honesty is the best, and like the previous poster said, I think a broad explaination to protect the other kids is necessary.

    Take Care!
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    First off let me start by saying welcome - I'm Star or The Loan Ranger. We have not met yet. You wanted to know if anyone else felt like you - 4000+ members? You can't be alone! You've found a place to be normal for feeling like your life isn't. We've ALL been there, some of us are there now, some of us will be there in future days.

    I'd like to think that I've found the leveling agent to a difficult child in knowledge. Cry me a river - mine was deNILE. I was in denial for so many years about difficult child. I kept reading and researching (that's how I found my home here) and reading - and talking and living the life and denying it mostly, hoping that with the right pills, therapy, out of home placement 18 months at a time, parenting skills that he would "just grow out of "IT"

    The reality of this disorder is that they CAN learn to behave. They can learn and with consistent therapy, and a family that can adapt and learn what will work best for the behaviors you're going to be up against. EVERYONE lives with difficult child - then EVERYONE should participate in the process. Those who don't live with him will have very little idea that life in your house is sometimes chaotic, and sublime.

    As far as your friend goes with her overachieving, wonderful, tranquil, trophy children? Good for her. Don't ever envy anyone for their life. Appreciate your child for his good and bad characters. Embrace the good and work diligently toward changing the characteristics and behaviors that are bad. Educate yourself as to what are the things in life that will benefit you, and him.

    Don't worry or put too much stock in the fact that people who aren't chosen to raise a difficult child don't understand - Heck we don't understand them either and WE live with them. I figured out somewhere along the way that I must be SO special to have a kid like this - and instead of fighting it, I just did what I could to appreciate it. Remember too when this world stops being perfect it will be YOU that will be the help because of your world going wobbity wobbity wobbity and your friend not being able to hang on to anything less than perfect.

    You never know what your friends life was like growing up either. I have a friend with 3 trophy children and I tired after 7 years of hearing about all the accomplishments and compliments and awards, rewards, congratulations - but I knew that my friend was beaten severely as a child and for all she gave up then - this was her way of making life livable for herself. You just never know. My bet would be you either learn to live with her bragging or find a new friend. I did a little of both. We're not as close as we once were - and that's okay she doesn't have to hear me whine about difficult child, and I don't have to hear her go on and on about her trophy kids. I'm happy for her - but she will NEVER understand my life and situation.

    It's up to YOU to make the most of what you have been given. Personally I would have never made it without weekly therapy sessions. I needed to have someone to talk to for an hour that gave me professional insight and suggestions to better myself as a person and a parent. It was about the only thing that we found after 11 years that benefited our son too.

    Come back - come every day if you like. The motto is - you've found a soft place to land. You'll also find we have soft hearts and wills of iron.

    Hugs
    Star
     
  6. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Don't begrudge people who have it easier with their kids. Be glad for them. Everyone has baggage. Theirs may not be their kids but spouses, emotional crisis' of a different kind.
    I think it's negative karma to put out when you are envious or jealous of others good fortune. I fought it. Wish them well but understand that they won't be able to identify with your difficult child's problems.
    No one can expect a friend to fit all our personal nooks and crannies.
    Hopefully they will respect and understand your struggle just as you will understand their struggle when it comes up.

    Many of my friends didn't get it. They listened and tried to not judge but as years go by they had their own trials and I listened and respected their struggle.
    Put out what you would like to receive. It may not happen right away but it will come back to you.

    Good luck.
     
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