Today I am a jerk because_______...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Bean, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. Bean

    Bean Member

    Does your difficult child accuse you of being a jerk (or other choice words) on a continual basis?

    Mine likes to say that we never do anything for her, ever. We are jerks, everyone is nicer/better/more sympathetic than we are (if only THEY had to live with her!!!).

    After getting fired from her week-old job a few days ago, my daughter decided to go out and party with her girlfriends last night. Because a day can never go by without some catastrophic drama, she calls this morning to let me know she lost her purse. Sucks. I understand that.

    But, the big deal is that she can't visit her boyfriend, who is in jail for 4th drunk driving violation, without her ID. He's the only one that makes her happy. He thinks that she's got to work until 8pm tonight (he set the visits up around her work schedule), and so he's going to come to his visit and sit and sit and wait, and be mad at her for not showing up.


    So... since I won't go down there at 9pm on a Saturday night and visit him for her to tell him that she can't visit, I'm a jerk. I don't care about her, I'm selfish and I, "Don't have my back like other families have their kid's back."

    I've been hearing about this ALL DAY.

    I'm so tired of hearing about how I do nothing, and how I'm a horrible person. Real, real tired. Even though she's freshly showered with MY shower, MY conditioner, MY body wash, MY shampoo, MY clean towels, in MY air-conditioned house, eating MY food, sleeping in MY house. I'm a jerk who does NOTHING for you?


    (Thanks for hearing the vent. :))

    What are you a jerk for?
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Let's see....

    I'm a jerk because I didn't put everything in my life "on hold" while difficult child was at camp. The family had the audacity to finish the ice cream...and watch movies WITHOUT HER! (O say it ain't so!!!)

    I'm a jerk because I won't shell out $75 for fashion boots.

    I'm a jerk because I mentioned that I thought academics were important (silly me...what was I thinking?)

    And I'm a jerk because I am just not as "good" as everyone else.

    I'm a jerk because I am difficult child's Mom...
  3. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    My difficult child won't say this to my face, but she'll say it to everyone else. Because I would not allow her to be alone with her "boyfriend" when she was 15, I would not allow her to do ANYTHING or go ANYWHERE. Because she lied to me repeatedly and i checked her stories, I had ISSUES and had NO LIFE so I had to live hers for her. You get the picture. It's no fun dealing with a passive/aggressive kid who is sweet as pie to your face and then tells the rest of the world that you are insane, drunk and have kicked her out of the house .... still it has tob e very tough to deal with a kid calling you a jerk to y our face. It's tough being mom to a difficult child any way you look at it...


  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That is a tactic to get you upset and try to get you to do something. If you need to respond try "You are right. I AM a jerk. I never pay for the water so you can shower. I never buy frozen pizza so you can enjoy it. I don't pay for cable so you can watch tv. I didn't buy that cute shirt you are wearing. I am such a jerk that I don't supply body wash for you to wash in, or that shampoo you like. I never buy you X book to read. I don't supply a house for your non-working adult butt to live in. If I am such a jerk you know where the door is."

    You may or may not choost to add "Don't come back if you have that attitude because I am going to be the jerk you say I am and NOT provide all those things.

    Even at his worst Wiz would recognize that he was being an idiot and backpedal. The two times he didn't I stopped providing those things that I could. He found a bar of cheap soap in the shower instead of the baby wash he liked. He found regular toothpaste instead of the orange stuff he liked. He found boring corn flakes instead of frosted mini wheats. He found a peanut butter sandwich for lunch - no jelly, no chips, no dip for his carrots, and a small bottle of tap water instead of a juice box (he was 14 and it was the first lunch I packed since he was in first grade.) He came home and found no snack available, no tv available, no computer, his room was locked so he had nothing. Boy did he get THAT point.

    It may or may not work with your difficult child. If you are not committed to removing the stuff then don't say you will. Just detail all of the things you DO provide and leave it at that.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'm a jerk because.....I bought a 5" pancake maker ring. You know to make perfect round pancakes. When I took it out of the bag (got it at a thrift store today and it's brand spanking new - paid a dime for it) and showed it to DF (aka Eeyore) I said "Look, now when I make pancakes I can make them perfectly round, you just spray the inside with spray, then set on the griddle, and pour in the batter! I've always wanted one of these!"

    So he looks at it and says (and for the umteenth time I swear to the trees I can't seem to get this man to perk up, be happy, find a silver lining, dance with me, smile about anything but naps, John Wayne all day on Saturday and eating everything there is to eat DESPITE knowing that we are BOTH loosing weight on the new way of life, but that he has been CHEATING and SNEAKING food - and that I MADE HIM THROW OUT HIS FAT clothes so he would NOT CHEAT AND SNEAK food and stick with something for once in his bloody life) .....he says....."Well that wouldn't make a very big pancake." in the most depressed tone you have ever heard in your life.
    AND did I come back with something nice like - "Well silly - you can have more than one." or "It's big enough for our new way of life!" or even "I'm sure it looks a lot smaller when you're holding it THAT way." NOOooooo no, no no no no......I said "Well I guess if you need to make and eat pancakes so big they'll clog the toilet...... I'll just use it to make MY flippin' flapjacks!" and threw the ring in the sink and went to my room.

    Yup.......It's been pretty quite in the Star house tonight.

    Next time I make pancakes I'm just making one big old pancake the size of the griddle for old long ears. ARrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhh!
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    ...because I yam what I yam! Own it!
  7. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    because we won't give difficult child $250 pet deposit for her new apartment. (That she is supposedly moving into next week, but has nothing packed yet.)
  8. Bean

    Bean Member

    :flirting: Love it. Sums it up pretty nicely.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Today I an am irrational jerk because I flew into a red rage after discovering my dog outside in 100 degree weather, with no shade and no water, for who knows how long, AND screamed at her voice mail, texted her that she was dead meat, and then, when she called my back, I screamed some more, she was embarrassed because I was screaming and cussing her out while she was standing in the middle of her friends from church. Don't care. I really don't.

    Two more days...please, God...get us through two more days. Thank you for protecting my Buddy from Miss KT's stupidity.Just two more days, Lord.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh yeah. With Youngest, it's never/always: "you never ...." or "you always ....." and my favorite, "everyone thinks so!" We had a pretty good weekend, so I haven't heard this recently, but in the past it's been "you never help me. you're always on the phone (when I happened to be texting when she wanted an immediate answer to a question). "everyone has noticed, too." Never mind that when the baby is not in her arms, she's on her laptop/phone non-stop, and barely answers my questions to her. Let me do that to her just once in a blue moon, and I "always" do it. And her "friends have noticed it" and mentioned it to her. Since her friends seen me once a month or so, I'm not sure when this noticing occurred...
  11. Bean

    Bean Member

    Interesting about the friend thing. My daughter's words continually. Now it is, "I even told my counselor (who she's been to once, now)..." as if that makes it right, true or valid? "All my friends think..." or, "Everyone I talk to agrees/says the same/thinks it is ridiculous..." If I'm such an intollerant, controlling, insensitive, unfair jerk -- why don't you move out?! Stay with all of your caring, on-your-side friends?

    Today I'm a jerk because I bought her a 31-day, unlimited bus pass and told her that she needs to get herself around town and I made her use her $19 tax refund check to pay for part of it.

    She has her appointment today (psychiatrist), I drove her, gave her the bus pass and said she needed to spend the day applying for jobs or being out and about. I have things to do and I'd be home at 5pm, which was when she could come back, too. Husband packed her a lunch (which she said was disgusting, and she took half of).
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Because I have a 5 hour Dr. appointment. and easy child NEEDS me to not go to it, so he can have MY car, to drive with MY gas,ins. I paid for, to see his girlfriend. He wants me to tell them my friends' daughter passed away and I'm unable to attend today. Yes, she did pass away, and I am very upset, but he doesn't get to make that decision. This beautiful, smart, 21-year-old, suddenly died at home on Thursday. I am beyond distraught- the funeral is tomorow. And I don't feel like missing my therapy appointment today. Or ever, so he can "have the car".

    I just made lunch, put their dinner in the crock-potso they can eat while I'm gone, vaccumed, folded all their laundry, changed their sheets......can someone just be nice to me for 1 minute?

    There. sorry.
  13. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I've been a jerk for many, many things.

    - For getting upset when I came home late one night and found some girls sock in MY bed! Because her other sock was in my bathroom, my shower head was moved and my razor and tooth brush were somewhere else in the house.

    - For insisting that you do your school work before you go play.

    - For refusing to wash your laundry because you refused to bring it to the laundry room.

    - For insisting that you clean your ferret cage or I'll find him a caring home!

    But that is all in the past. The difficult children are out of the house.

    Today.... (husband issues)

    - For not doing the happy dance because one of the difficult children told you "tell Mom I love her". If they "loved" me, they know my phone number and where I live.

    - For getting upset that your "forgettfulness" today caused me to cancel my psychiatrist appointment!

    - For getting upset about you giving your Aunt a full bag of Dogfood since I had an extra in the garage. Duh...Dude...40+% of your next paycheck will be going to your Mommy, that bag was for OUR Dogs!! Duh! And I'm a jerk?
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    From easy child, lately, I am a jerk for oooooh so many I am a jerk because I invited her to the movies on Wednesday and when she texted back that we should also go to dinner at the newest fancy Chinese restaurant that just opened I said "No, I already made dinner" (she is coming over for dinner tonight).

    I am a jerk because when easy child texted me on Saturday that her boyfriend was a lazy stoner and wouldn't help her removed the mice-chewed couch she got for free out of our garage, I texted her back that it better be gone by the time we got home at 4PM - no ands, ifs or buts. It was gone, but I was a jerk.

    I am a jerk because I asked to come see her new place. When we were finally invited to come see it, of course, the lazy stoner boyfriend was there eating all her food.

    I am a jerk because I don't want her to borrow my car for one night up in the bad area she lives in. I offered to take the dresser up there and drop it off, but she said "Nevermind". Yeah, I'm the jerk in this scenario.

    I am a jerk because I expected her to pay her measly $35/week for the final month she lived at home.

    I am a jerk because I told her she couldn't take her puppy to the apt where a ginormous dog lived...her puppy is a yorkie - the big dog is, well, BIG.

    I helped cosign a lease so she could have a car 2 years ago and now I'm the jerk for 'making' her get into a lease.

    Oh, and that's just easy child. difficult child has been practically angelic lately compared to her older spoiled rotten sister!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im a jerk for so many reasons I simply dont have enough energy to type them all out!
  16. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I'm a jerk because McDonald's put lettuce on his Big Mac.

    I'm a jerk because all the other kids are allowed to listen to Eminem and watch his video's.

    I'm a jerk because his foot has a cramp.

    I'm a jerk because we have no dill pickles to go with his sandwich.

    I'm a jerk because he cannot use the computer when he wants.

    I could go on forever and a day !!!!
  17. Dharmamama

    Dharmamama Guest

    I LOVE this thread!

    It's so nice to know that there are so many lovely jerks out there doing their very, gracious best to ruin the lives of their children as I aspire to do with my every breath (just ask my difficult child).

    Did you know that my husband and I lie in bed plotting new ways to "Jack him up"?

    Bless you, everyone; you are all (seriously now) my new heroes.
  18. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Today I am a jerk because:

    I wouldn't let difficult child use one of the babies' baptism gifts as a straight edge for the drawing he was making with permanent marker.
    I told him to hush, rather than letting him dominate the conversation I was having with my mother in law.
    When he still wouldn't hush, I ignored his interruptions.
    I said no thank you when he offered to make a cup of tea for me, because he insists on making it for me the way he likes it (3 1/2 sugars) not the way I like it (no sugar at all).
  19. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Diva really hasn't called me a jerk. She likes her much more colorful words to use - makes her feel more the victim I guess?

    Anyway, difficult child likes the word "jerk". Today I am a jerk because I changed channels on the t.v. Oh how I miss my laptop computer when I could control both the computer and the t.v. at the same time! What a double jerk I would be then! :)
  20. Bean

    Bean Member

    Me, too. Who knew!?

    I'm a jerk because all of my daughter's friends, and her therapist say I am. Apparently everyone in her Circle of Trust agrees with everything she says, thinks the rules we've laid out are ridiculous. It's good to know that everyone in the world that she confides in is completely and totally "on her side" - always.

    I'm even more of a jerk because I made her clean up the wall, chairs, and floors after she threw the sour cream container when I shared doubt in the consensus of the world.