That's a good point, Susie.
With difficult child 1, he was beginning Grade 12 (final year of our high school - equivalent to college in the US) and we had a learning team meeting at which I asked if her wouldn't perhaps be better off in Distance Ed. They told me (in the first weeks of the school year) that it was too late in the school year to transfer difficult child 1. Present at that meeting and assuring me of this, were the school counsellor and several teachers. I think also present was a district office Dept of Ed officer. They ALL should have known what I discovered later - Distance Ed takes transfers at any time of the year. Their real reason for telling me otherwise, was because the school was getting support funding for difficult child 1 and the transfer would have meant they would have had to hand back the money when they had already 'spent' it.
I finally rang Distance Ed four months later to ask why they would not accept the transfer - they told me I was crazy, of course they would accept difficult child 1. The school meanwhile had been telling me that anyway, difficult child 1 was ineligible for Distance Ed. They were telling me anything they could, to keep difficult child 1 there at the school. I had been believing them when really, I should have been making my own enquiries. Also, Shari, in Wee's case - if the special school IS full, then surely they have a waiting list? Wee should be on that waiting list and I would bet you, he is not.
Ring the special school. Tell your story, explain that you have to make your own enquiries because you are dealing with a school whose own legal advocate is on your side. You cannot trust them to handle Wee properly, so you also cannot trust them to have picked up the phone to call thre special school.
Wee's school clearly beleives that all tyhat is needed, is Wee needs to be taught howe to behave. That is all that is needed, because in their opinion, Wee has a mother who enables him and tals about disability (an excuse) and won't teach her son the right way to act at school. IN THEIR OPINION.
So if they clearly are getting it so wrong and prejudging the situation, it is not likely that they would have actually done the things they have told YOU they would do/have done.
If at a later stage the school gets angry with you for calling the special school to ask these questions, simply smile sweetly and say that you realise they would have been far too busy to make the calls themselves, what with all the rules and regulations they need to read up on, in order to best meet Wee's needs according to the law. And you may even be able to add that were proved right, because the special school had never heard of Wee but now they have; you will have saved Wee's school the time and effort in putting Wee's name down.
I agree with you about keeping Wee out. If the school tries to sool the authorities onto you, threaten to do the same in return for their failure to comply with the law. Not just their discrimination, but their breaches of the law. So if you are in trouble with the law, then so are they. IF you get the knock on the door with someone saying, "Why is your son not in school?" invite them in and explain. Maybe even give them the phone number of the school's legal advisor. THAT should make them sit up and take notice!
If you are choosing to keep Wee home, be aware that he is still officially enrolled at this school. Send them a letter advising of your intentions to keep Wee home until this can be resolved. Part of resolving this, is referring Wee to a more appropriate placement. You have done everything you could to support this school in their management of Wee according to the law and according to human rights. The school has not been able to comply (don't accuse here - this is merely an obvious statement of fact). So because it appears that Wee's needs cannot be met in this current school environment, it is best for Wee for him to be informally home schooled (dear school, please provide work sheets for him to complete at home, we will send them in for marking) until some assurance can be given that Wee will not be inappropriately handled or until Wee can be transferred to the special school which appears now to be a more valid placement.
The school and you both have a legal responsibility to ensure Wee is being educated. While Wee is enrolled, they have to have this covered. Don't make yourself te only target - make it clear that if YOU are in the education department's sights, so are they. I would even suggest pre-empting someone dobbing you in for failing to send Wee, by actually dobbing yourself in and asking for advice on what your options are for Wee's sake. Do this before you are in breach of any laws.
Take the initiative. The school doesn't sound good at this, so someone else doing tis will scare the pants off them and could scare them into compliance. Or at least scare them into supporting the transfer to the special school.
Marg