I have been struggling so much emotionally and spiritually with difficult child... it isn't really any new big thing... it just got to the point that I realize I am angry all the time. I tried to get in with a therapist I had seen in the past but he has some health concerns and not booking appts right now. In the past year, difficult child has decided that she doesn't want to be involved in church, or youth group or even other activites that she has done since we adopted.
I feel a little uneasy about talking with our minister (not because of any thing about her...) just that I have never talked to a minister about any "real" problems. How can you tell someone that you don't have any positive feelings for a child any more? That you have come to regret the adoption? That difficult child hates everything about me and everything I believe in? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if difficult child wasn't so antagonistic. I wish there was some quality that I could think of and say... "gee, I am really proud of her for that!". I know this isn't healthy for me or for difficult child. But I guess it has gotten to the point that the dislike is mutual. The tone of her voice, the clothes she wears, the stringy hair, the way she struts her stuff, the friends she tries to hang with, the lies, the overdone (and poorly done) make up, the way she talks to her little sister, the attitude, the way she does not appreciate anything we have done for her, her expectations of "more, more, more" has left me bankrupt emotionally.
I hope I find a way back to caring. Sometimes it is just so hard. KSM
I feel a little uneasy about talking with our minister (not because of any thing about her...) just that I have never talked to a minister about any "real" problems. How can you tell someone that you don't have any positive feelings for a child any more? That you have come to regret the adoption? That difficult child hates everything about me and everything I believe in? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if difficult child wasn't so antagonistic. I wish there was some quality that I could think of and say... "gee, I am really proud of her for that!". I know this isn't healthy for me or for difficult child. But I guess it has gotten to the point that the dislike is mutual. The tone of her voice, the clothes she wears, the stringy hair, the way she struts her stuff, the friends she tries to hang with, the lies, the overdone (and poorly done) make up, the way she talks to her little sister, the attitude, the way she does not appreciate anything we have done for her, her expectations of "more, more, more" has left me bankrupt emotionally.
I hope I find a way back to caring. Sometimes it is just so hard. KSM