toughlovin

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Apr 21, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I've been thinking about you. How is it going? Have you heard from him?

    Nancy
     
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks Nancy. We have been away on vacation so I am behind...just got home tonight and was going to post an update and saw your post. Thanks for asking.

    So difficult child came back to the state....he texted my husband which I think I mentioned. Did I? He said he wanted to go to lunch with husband but not me. So a few days ago while we were away he texted my husband that he had gotten a job and applied for community college. husband responded positively...and i also sent him a text saying I was glad he was doing well. No response.
    So today he texted my husband this long text about how he hated to ask but he needs some money to get him through until he gets paid! He said is girlfriend suggested he ask us....this is after she did not respond to my text before he came back but called him and he cussed me out. I think my husband was a little sucked in to his good arguments but he did send him a text that he would not give him money but would take him to lunch. So then the maniipulative text came back to tell mom this and 2 weeks ago is whynwe have a **** relationship. So what if we give him money he is going to have a good relationship with us.....isn't that what we did for months??? Reality he has a roof over his head with girlfriend and I am guessing her mother is providing food... Anyway we are done. husband has a harder time I think although he agrees that we should not give him money. He asked for money sooner than I thought he would. I am getting clearer and clearer that I just need to keepnstepping back. Inwill catch up on posts and see how everyone else is doing.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Don't give money. Never a good idea. I don't give grown kids money. If they're desperate I might let them earn money with yard work or house work (and it's not cushy stuff either) but I don't just hand it over. Most especially to a difficult child it sends the wrong message.

    I hope the college and job work out for him.

    Keep on staying strong.

    Hugs
     
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad you got to go on vacation. I'm sure that helped a lot. I agree with Hd, it's time you put yourself in protection mode. He is trying to hurt you and I've been in this spot before. The things they say are so hurtful. The day my difficult child said she wanted me to jump off the bridge and let her know when I did it so she could watch and laugh was the day I decided I needed to take care of myself. How dare he comes asking for money after he treats you that way. I guess he knew better than to ask you.

    I hope college and his job works out for him and I hope some day he realizes just what you have been doing for him instead of blaming you for his own mess ups.

    Hugs,
    Nancy
     
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thank you both. Yeah he is asking husband cause he knows he is a soft touch, although he did forward me the first text asking for money. He really is smooth because he asked in such a nice apologetic way.... Of course when we said no the nastiness and manipulation came out. He said his girlfriend suggested he talk to us which if true galls me considering she did not answer my text and just ran to him. I think she may be finding henis more expensive than shen thought. Anyway myway my heart is hardening...
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Be careful with this one. In our early days together husband used ME as an excuse to borrow money from mother in law. It was always My fault or I wanted him to ask or I ran up a bill or I blew the money........when in truth I didn't, most of the time I didn't have a clue he was borrowing from mother in law......and when I did know, I was giving him heck for it.

    difficult children have a natural tendency to deflect blame on to others. He may be playing yet a different tune to both her and her mother than the one you and husband are seeing.

    Hugs
     
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh yes i agree....it may have been another way to convince us. I am sure the story he spun for her mother is way different than the truth....
     
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