All along pretty much, you have seen Ms Ally as the possible chance for this to work. She has seemed, more than any of the others, to have a clue. So I think there is perhaps a chance to use her greater openness, to try to resolve this as far as possible to everyone's satisfaction.
First - she is out of line to say you are not showing enough love to your child. However, to an outside observer at the moment, you probably are NOT showing much physical demonstrativeness towards difficult child. First the kid would probably punch you out if you tried to hug her, and second it is very hard to express love towards someone whose sole communication with you is screaming. So I suggest you sit Ms Ally down and have a heart to heart with her. Use every trick in the psychology textbook, including using "I" statements and not "you" statements. For example, DO NOT say, "You are out of line to say it's my fault." Instead, you CAN say, "I felt very hurt when you said that I don't know how to difficult child enough love. I do love her, I have always shown her I love her, but she is a child with some known psychiatric diagnoses and these are making my life as a parent very difficult. This is not a problem I have created. This is a problem within her brain, caused by a biochemical imbalance. I asked for help because I love her and want to find a way to reach her, even with these mental problems."
By expressing your concerns as "I" and not "you", Ms Ally then has the choice to take this on board as a criticism, or not. She is more likely to hear what you have to say and to really listen.
Next - I would go through that list that pepperidge dug out. Sit with Ms Ally and tick the boxes. Explain exactly how you have met all these criteria, or how the problems are so far beyond those criteria as to simply not be applicable. Tell her that you are going through this process in order to determine what is left that can be tried, and to see if together, you and she can come up with a realistic, workable plan. Together. Workable. Realistic.
And the final question for Ms Ally - "Is MST guaranteed to work in every case? What happens if it fails despite the best efforts of all involved? What if, for example, you have a child who is on drugs and prostituting themselves to pay for the habit, and you try these techniques to try to get the kid back on the straight and narrow? Can you see these methods being able to work in that purely hypothetical situation? And if you can see that some situations exist where MST won't be the right answer, can you see that there is a chance that by the time we yelled for help from MST, it was actually too big a problem? And perhaps can you advise us ono what the next step could be, once we realise that MST has thrown everything possible at the problem, and bounced?"
Your focus through this entire meeting will be - "I love my child, I want to help my child, she is mentally ill and I am no longer able to cope. I asked for help because these problems are so far outside 'normal' but I am increasingly feeling like I am being blamed. I really, really want help, but it needs to be workable. I need you to work with me on this. We are a team."
I have seen this sort of issue before - we have a mob here called Family Advocacy. I contacted them to get their support in setting up a SpEd class for high-functioning autistics. They had been so supportive before, but as soon as I mentioned a separate SpEd class for these kids, they became hostile and shut down. I later found out that their main brief is inclusion, always, at all costs. That is their goal, and to suggest taking autistic kids out of mainstream and setting up a SpEd class for them was anathema. I didn't know this and it caused me a lot of problems until I worked it out.
So if MST have a specific agenda (as they seem to) and it is actually not going to be what you really need - where can you go from here? Especially if you need them to refer you to someone more appropriate?
It might be time to write all this down and contact your congressman, if you live in a system that mandates MST involvement at some stage in the process. Because at the moment, it seems MST is set up for failure, in cases like this. If there is no alternative to MST currently, maybe it is time to lobby for something better. As always, show them the money - demonstrate how providing something more appropriate for those tough cases, will save money in the long run. The cost of crime - a kid gone to the bad, a kid who becomes a lifelong mental health cost and drain on the community - has to be considered as worst case scenario. Also the loss of productivity with you being so tied down by this. They're the buttons that work with politicians the whole world over.
Marg