Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Feb 17, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I've had the worst unsettled feeling about difficult child for the last few days. It is likely nothing but nervous emotion. I have a history of anxiety attacks (being surrounded by mh issues and sa will do that to you) so i try to monitor myself.

    I'm headed to a showdown this week when I tell difficult child that he is cut off in 2+ months if he doesn't do a short list of things. While every single situation is hard because it involves a loved one, as a single mom with no other children, it's isolating and i feel like s.a. stole everything from me.

    In the meantime, i am trying to stay balanced. If anything ever really helped you, woukd you plz share? Thanks very much.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I wish I could provide you with "the" answer. To the best of my knowledge there isn't any such thing. You have to just focus on what your "gut" tells you is the right next step. Wish it could be easier. So far I haven't found any answer other than that. Meanwhile, I understand and send my most caring supportive thoughts your way. Hugs DDD
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate those unsettling feelings AG. I hope they are nothing more than nervous anticipation. I find when I have those feelings it helps to stay busy with something I enjoy doing.

    I'm sending calming thoughts to you.

  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    I hate those unsettled feelings too... gosh they are awful. I dont tend to be anxious in general so when I have them I pay attention... and usually they are telling me something is up although it ususally never what I think it is.

    As far as what helps... distraction helps a lot!! And I have found alanon to be a huge help, especially in the isolation feelings of I am the only one who has a kid like this.

    And this board helps too... we are all here for you.

  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    AG, I get it. I have never suffered from anxiety until difficult child flared her feathers. I had a panic attach when we put her in her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Thought I was having a heart problem. In the moment, I have to keep busy or mind numb with a movie (I love reading but I was reading when the panic attack happened, so I only do that when I feel good now). I talk on the phone with my friend until I feel calm. I have finially found a 12 step group that helps-Families Anon. I look forward to it and have found a support person there. This board helps me as well. Nothing works all the time. I am alone at night as husband works and it is often night when difficult child does her thing or I am left to deal with her. It is hard to be alone. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to be alone always.

    That feeling often means something, but it may also be worrying about something that is to come. We can't control the future and our minds often take us to places that are worse than things actually are. Here is a quote I often tell myself or my students who worry-" Many sticks are gathered to build bridges that are never crossed."

    Tonight difficult child is off with her friend who allowed prison letters to come to his house. It was his B-day. He is a pot smoker and I know that they will do it tonight despite her denial. They were searched by cops last weekend in the park. They have been friends since elementary school, but it is not a friendship I like at this point because they enable each other. I tell her I am not happy and she will have to get her way home as I do not give permisssion for her to go. She says ok, but I am going. I have have had to let go and let God. I cannot control this. She knows it is a deal breaker when she hits 18. I have been warding off the worry for 2 hours now. For kickers, her counselor from the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called her tonight to talk about graduating from the program through aftercare (she has gone to 2 meetings in last 3 weeks). She wasn't here. I told him she wants to graduate from aftercare, but she has a lot of getting honest to do. I will let her tell you and if she doesn't, I hope you will not let her graduate until she walks the line. We had a nice talk-we really grew to love this young man. I feel sad she missed the chance to speak with him-he is hard to get in contact with.

    Sorry-didn't mean to say so much, just want you to know you are not alone tonight. ((Hugs))
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Thank you all for your thoughts. I'd say you have no idea how much it means but...you do.

    Exhausted....i am hoping tonight is a non event for your difficult child.

    difficult child called. It seems he slept through closing at the caf and has nothing to eat. We discussed this Wed. Told him to text me a list and I would drop stuff by Thurs. He didn't and I don't do reminders anymore.

    He wanted me to bring him something. Reminded him I had surgery Wed. afternoon and was not only still in pain, but had just taken a pan pills. No driving.

    His response? Ok. Not I'm sorry Mom...how can I help Mom?

    Addicts are the most selfish creatures on Earth.

    But he helped me..cause anger trumps anxiety.

    Ps....he didn't call either of his bail bondmen again this week.
  7. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Excellent difficult child, your making your own bed and you can't blame mom! Selfish is right. i'm sorry. We care and hope you you will be feeling well soon.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont get difficult child's who cant at least fake emotions. But then again I can. Most of your kids are still in the all about me stages. I will say it gets better when they hit the 20's. Especially the mid 20s though I still have to remind Cory at times that he is being an ass over some things and it seems to pull him back into the present so he releases he has to work on give and take relationships.
  9. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I find that my hobbies keep me sane. I had a bad day yesterday and I understand the anxiety and feeling helpless, or is it hopeless? I am dreaming of the day I can turn it over to my HP and it will stay turned over. This son was not expected, (tried for 8 years) but wanted, so very much and it hurts to my core to see my only son throw his life away. Now at 33 he has absolutely nothing to show for it. Last night I thought back to when I was his age and had 15 years senority. I have to make myself get back into the his choice, his life mode. I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks and I don't know where his is, sometimes I'm not sure he isn't not calling to punish me. After the hell he has put me through, I was a single parent also, you would think it would be so easy to not care at all!

    I remember my difficult child told me that one of his male counselors told him that no one in the world will ever love you more than your mother does so remember that and treat her well. Well I guess he didn't remember lol!

    When my son was in detention once he called me to bring him some items. I drove the hour drive and when I got there the guard told me they (kids) start to miss mom and they use that as an excuse to call.
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Tired...thanks for sharing the part about missing mom...gives me a little hope.

    Anyone ever see RENT? Been thinking about it and our stories. The themes of no day but today and how love heals are ringing in my head. I believe love can heal anything but our difficult children have broken love receivers/transmitters. When those are repaired...everything is possible. But the repairs must be done by them, with a higher power's help.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yes they are, I am so sorry he offered you no comfort in your post surgical pain. Eventually you learn to expect nothing and be happily surprised when they do the right thing. (((HUGS))). -RM