AG, I get it. I have never suffered from anxiety until difficult child flared her feathers. I had a panic attach when we put her in her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Thought I was having a heart problem. In the moment, I have to keep busy or mind numb with a movie (I love reading but I was reading when the panic attack happened, so I only do that when I feel good now). I talk on the phone with my friend until I feel calm. I have finially found a 12 step group that helps-Families Anon. I look forward to it and have found a support person there. This board helps me as well. Nothing works all the time. I am alone at night as husband works and it is often night when difficult child does her thing or I am left to deal with her. It is hard to be alone. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to be alone always.
That feeling often means something, but it may also be worrying about something that is to come. We can't control the future and our minds often take us to places that are worse than things actually are. Here is a quote I often tell myself or my students who worry-" Many sticks are gathered to build bridges that are never crossed."
Tonight difficult child is off with her friend who allowed prison letters to come to his house. It was his B-day. He is a pot smoker and I know that they will do it tonight despite her denial. They were searched by cops last weekend in the park. They have been friends since elementary school, but it is not a friendship I like at this point because they enable each other. I tell her I am not happy and she will have to get her way home as I do not give permisssion for her to go. She says ok, but I am going. I have have had to let go and let God. I cannot control this. She knows it is a deal breaker when she hits 18. I have been warding off the worry for 2 hours now. For kickers, her counselor from the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called her tonight to talk about graduating from the program through aftercare (she has gone to 2 meetings in last 3 weeks). She wasn't here. I told him she wants to graduate from aftercare, but she has a lot of getting honest to do. I will let her tell you and if she doesn't, I hope you will not let her graduate until she walks the line. We had a nice talk-we really grew to love this young man. I feel sad she missed the chance to speak with him-he is hard to get in contact with.
Sorry-didn't mean to say so much, just want you to know you are not alone tonight. ((Hugs))