Update on me & my sister

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 24, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Disclaimer.........*I want to be able to keep in touch with you guys - and I so need and want to talk about my sister - but I just need for anyone reading this post not to use my sister's name (those of you who know it) - and for us to not post any links to her case at this time.* Thanks.

    Well, as you can see I have changed my screen name to Steely, formerly known as WW. I had to do this because I posted links about my sister who has been missing for over 2 weeks, which were then traced back to my screen name, which then exposed everything about me. This then was used against me in a police strong arming incident, to keep me quiet about the proceedings of the investigation. Suffice to say - it was like something out of a movie, I still do not have my sister back, my parents and I are not speaking, (despite my dad having cancer), and I do not understand one thing about how or what has happened in the last 2 weeks. Not one.

    So, there are no clues, no leads, and no evidence, and the det is about to wrap the case up. My sister will be filed as a missing person. Missing. Period.

    Someone please tell me what to do when you think you cannot do life anymore. When the very last piece of security and love you had is taken from you. Please tell me.

    I can go to the Dr and get more medications, but I cannot see what that will do. Make me happy? Make reality less tangible? I am already on Lexapro. I can go to my counselor, but what will that do? Make me grieve for this loss that it is so enormous that I cannot imagine how deep or long it is? And once I am able to conceptualize it - then how long will it take to find peace and acceptance in that vortex of pain? Years? I don't have years anymore.

    I so need someone to tell me how to do this. I have already been through so much with 2 marriages, and a difficult child from hades - I really do not know how I can cope without my sister. I keep feeling like she will call any moment - but yet she won't.

    OMG, I love/loved her more than anyone, ever, save difficult child. My pain is just too much to bear - and therefore I have not even touched on it. I am simply existing in a zombie like state. I know I should have hope that she is out there somewhere - but I just know her. I just know she would not have disappeared. I just know. I have told the police that from the beginning.

    I just need to know how to do this. I feel like this is it. This is the last straw in my semi-normal existence. I don't want to fall off the cliff of life, but I am afraid.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are dealing with so much. I wish I could take away your pain. I think it would be a good idea to call your counselor. Please know we are here and we care about you. The gentlest of hugs being sent your way as well as a ton of prayers.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Steely---I am so sorry. I don't know where to even begin. Sometimes it seems like life throws us so much more than we can bear. In 1988 husband and I married. He was the perfect husband and father for many years. Then...

    before I joined this board, my husband began abusing drugs. It went on for a long time. He had a car accident, was prescribed oxycontin, in 1995 and that was the beginning of a nightmare.

    Things got really bad. I knew that he had moved on to something else---but had no proof. I told his mom and sister...he told them I was crazy...his mom had a heart attack....and I was blamed. It got worse. PCson was living at home and he woke me one night to tell me dad had left about 1 am. We had suspected he was sneaking out, but this was the first time we caught him. I hunted for him until 6:30. When I got home he was asleep on the couch twekaed out. I woke him. I told him to leave and not come back. I woke the kids, went to work on no sleep. That afternoon I saw him out in town at an ATM. I stopped him. He had a dealer in the car. I showed my butt. He got in the car and left and lost me. Finally at about 6 I saw his car parked at a old nasty looking place. I called pcson who was about 19, and his best friend. They went and broke down the door and drug husband out. easy child made him come home and tell me what he had been doing---smoking crack.

    Now I am a school teacher in a small town. We have both lived here our whole lives. Everyone knows us. Everyone knows our kids. I was devastated to say the least. I thought my life was over. I told him rehab or divorce. He chose rehab. Then I looked at the finances. I was 15,000 dollars behind in bills...Nothing had been paid for 3 months...some much longer. He had hidden all the bills in the shed outside. I then saw a divorce lawyer and had a heart attack. I was 39 years old!

    Its been six years. Life is good again. We have stayed together and he is clean and sober. But during those dark days it was hard. I had lost the one person I loved to another lover "drugs." I had lost my self-respect. My heart was broken in ways that it may never mend again. But...I am happy today. I will never be the same. But the saying "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" is so apripo.

    Hang on. Better days are coming.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Like you I have had overwhelming times of pain and loss and truly have wondered if there would ever by any normal days ahead. In due time, I have found a life...not "the life" I had years ago...but a life that is bearable and has some hope for the future.

    If you have a counselor who is familiar with your needs, pick up the phone and make an appointment. The counselor can not bring your sister back to your side or solve the issues with your parents etc. etc. but your counselor can listen to how you feel and support you as your go thru this horribly stressful time.

    Meanwhile, all of us which we could make your pain go away. In lieu of that, however, we are ready to listen and care. Hugs. DDD
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't even know what to say, this is so bizarre that there is no way you can make sense of it. Your sister just drops off the face of the earth and you aren't suppose to try Occupational Therapist (OT) find her? Are they nuts there? I have no idea why they are trying to keep things from you but I am so very sorry that you are in such pain and so alone. There are so many questions about this whole thing. I'm sorry your identity here was compromised.

    I'm thinking about you every day and praying for the safe return of your sister.

  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    We are all here to listen. Either to listen and give advice, or just to listen. Every one of us wishes we could make the pain go away.

    This is real pain, like a knife. It is a wound. It does not feel like it now, but all wounds heal with time. The amount of time is up to you. Grieving is a process. It takes time and effort. Your sister would not want you to give up before you even started.

    Your son needs you. We all need you. Please, get help for yourself. It does not need to be in the form of medication. However you need to. Whatever works for YOU.

    We are all here, prayers still going out for sis, gentle hugs for you.
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thinking of you and hoping answers come.....if you feel the need to pm any of us would be happy to listen.......we won't necessarily have answers, but can certainly hear your pain and hopefully share the burden to get you thru this time......thinking of you and your sis.....
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you were able to change your screen name so you could get some modicum of support.
    Are your parents in denial? Embarrassed by possible publicity? Do they know something you don't?
    Who traced your screen name ... your parents or the police? I vaguely recally another note where you said the police had asked you not to publicize anything. Why would they care as long as you didn't use your sister's name, or even if you did? Is there an undercover operation going on? How old is your sister?
    I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. So are you.
    In the meantime, definitely talk to a counselor. This is SO frustrating I cannot imagine how you can deal with-it. I'm guessing you have a friend or two you can talk to about it, and you are afraid of burning them out ...
    I'm sending huge wishes and hope for your sister's health and well-being, and for yours.
    Take care.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hey, Steely! Good idea to change your screen name- I like it! I'm really glad you found a way to communicate with us again. Many of us have been worried about you and you obviously don't need "shut off" from anyone else in your life.

    I don't understand why people are making decisions they are making either- just like others have said. I hope someday you get your sister back with an even better relationship and all those questions are answered. You have every reason to feel overwhelmed, confused, and depressed. I would think any of us would feel that way. But, please, still take care of yourself. Don't give in to those feelings and let them take over your life. Talk to a counselor- just to vent if nothing else. Talk to us, cry, write, yell, whatever it takes. You can make it through this!!

    You know, people here need you, too!!
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sweetie, your pain is palpable. Right now, it is a living, breathing entity within you. As BBK said, it is an open wound and wounds do close. It takes time.

    For now, get through the days as best you can. There are many who need you, including us. We'll be here to hold your hand and share your pain. If we could, we'd take the pain from you and each of us bear a piece of it.

    I have a candle lit for your sister. I promise you that there will be a candle for her until you get an answer. Until then, many prayers and much love.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so glad you found a way to come back to this family. (((((hugs))))))

    Life delivers some mighty vicious blows, been thru several of my own. Never thought I'd make it thru, wasn't so sure at the time that I even wanted to. During it, it was impossible to imagine life beyond it. That's what makes it so hard. Harder still when you feel like you're going thru it alone.

    But you're not really. You have us here caring about you, worrying and praying right along with you, willing to listen when you need to vent or just talk.

    I don't understand this so called "investigation". So many aspects just don't make sense or even add up. If it's a simple case of missing person, what's the big deal with a family member doing whatever possible to find them? Doesn't wash. Something is going on under the table somewhere. You don't basically blackmail someone to get them to step out of the picture for nothing. Their mouths may be telling you one thing, but their behavior is saying the opposite. (my take on it)

    Whole thing sort of gives me a Twilight Zone feeling.

    Remember times of crisis can make people act in ways they'd never consider under normal circumstances. I'm sorry you're parents aren't speaking to you. You all need each other right now. It's a shame.

    Sis and you have been in my prayers since day one and will remain so. You both are in my thoughts throughout the day.

    Many warm (((((hugs))))))
  12. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I don't really know what to say except I am so sorry for you pain and anguish..

  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I've been thinking about you and your sister a lot. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

    Do what you can to take care of you. I can't even beging to imagine the place you're in right now but please try to take care of yourself.

    Sending lots of gentle hugs.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Steely, your pain is palpable. BBK said it so well, that pain is like an open wound.

    Sending prayers for strength, and gentle hugs.