DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
The other post was getting long and I wanted to let you all know how it went with my attempts to "communicate" with him. Sigh.
Maybe I am just not a good negotiator. It seems like when I start out with saying anything he gets his back up. I told him that I didnt want him to feel that he had to give up his hobbies but that I also needed his time and I would like to spend time with him. I got a blank stare.
I said how about if we compromise so that you can take one weekend a month and have your all day fishing or hunting thing and I wont say anything and then we take another weekend a month that is just for you and me. He said...well then I also get another weekend to fish. He is stuck on his two weekends to fish. I can do what I want on the other two weekends...even though I suggested that maybe we combine fishing with me at some point. No...that would have to go on MY weekend.
Uhhh. No. Besides as he pointed out...we are never going to be able to afford to go someplace one weekend a month anyway.
Ok so I said...so what you are saying is that you go do your thing your two weekends and I just get to do what? Look forward to staying home for my two weekends right? yeah I thought so.
Now I realize this sounds really stupid and petty but I am jealous that he gets to go out in the real world and work and see real live adults (even if they dont always act that way) and talk to people 5 days a week. Then he gets to go hunting or fishing or whatever another day a week. So that is 6 days a week.
I can go for weeks at a time without talking to anyone except the boys, my therapist, a doctor or the local checker at the supermarket. I consider it my big time out to go to my shrink because he is in the town up from me so I always have lunch when Im there. Alone. How pitiful. Im sick of talking to my kids.
And even if he doesnt go hunting or fishing on some weekend, he goes off to visit someone at some point during the day...leaving me here at home alone. So basically out of 30 days...he is out and about at least 25 of them. That gives me 5 or 6 days he isnt anywhere else.
I think I am going to stop complaining or trying to make it better. If he wants to do his thing whenever he wants...go for it. I will just try to find something that makes me happy but if we never happen to meet up again, that is the chance he will have to take. I am a needy person and I need my partner to be here for me and if they arent, I tend to go looking elsewhere.
Maybe I am just not a good negotiator. It seems like when I start out with saying anything he gets his back up. I told him that I didnt want him to feel that he had to give up his hobbies but that I also needed his time and I would like to spend time with him. I got a blank stare.
I said how about if we compromise so that you can take one weekend a month and have your all day fishing or hunting thing and I wont say anything and then we take another weekend a month that is just for you and me. He said...well then I also get another weekend to fish. He is stuck on his two weekends to fish. I can do what I want on the other two weekends...even though I suggested that maybe we combine fishing with me at some point. No...that would have to go on MY weekend.
Uhhh. No. Besides as he pointed out...we are never going to be able to afford to go someplace one weekend a month anyway.
Ok so I said...so what you are saying is that you go do your thing your two weekends and I just get to do what? Look forward to staying home for my two weekends right? yeah I thought so.
Now I realize this sounds really stupid and petty but I am jealous that he gets to go out in the real world and work and see real live adults (even if they dont always act that way) and talk to people 5 days a week. Then he gets to go hunting or fishing or whatever another day a week. So that is 6 days a week.
I can go for weeks at a time without talking to anyone except the boys, my therapist, a doctor or the local checker at the supermarket. I consider it my big time out to go to my shrink because he is in the town up from me so I always have lunch when Im there. Alone. How pitiful. Im sick of talking to my kids.
And even if he doesnt go hunting or fishing on some weekend, he goes off to visit someone at some point during the day...leaving me here at home alone. So basically out of 30 days...he is out and about at least 25 of them. That gives me 5 or 6 days he isnt anywhere else.
I think I am going to stop complaining or trying to make it better. If he wants to do his thing whenever he wants...go for it. I will just try to find something that makes me happy but if we never happen to meet up again, that is the chance he will have to take. I am a needy person and I need my partner to be here for me and if they arent, I tend to go looking elsewhere.