E
eap7243
Guest
Hello,
First, thank God for this website. It's amazing to find out there are other people going through the same things and with such experience.
I have a 15 year old difficult child that we adopted at age 12. Had 3 failed adoptions. In the system since the age of 6. His family history includes violence, prostitution and drug abuse. difficult child has been struggling off and on with drug use, alcohol, truancy from school (started already this year), theft and has a charge against him for explosives. difficult child is rarely here, and I receive texts from him indicating he will not be home tonight, etc.
We've already tried removing privileges including no more cell phone, removing his door on his bedroom for a time, we no longer cook meals for him (he's rarely here to eat them), no longer wash clothes, give him rides, etc M has missed his last diversion appointment, and his case of theft and the case of explosives will now be going to court.
I am amazed at the patience level of some of those who have posted here. My wife has indicated to me that I've been too lenient with him in the past, but some of you have tolerated way more than we. I've wanted to show as much as grace as possible, but the tolerance level has been met.
Earlier today had a conversation with M, letting him know that if he missed curfew again, and purposely indicated that he would not be home, he would no longer be allowed to stay here. I received a text (from someone's phone?) indicating he's out camping somewhere and he'd be home tomorrow. I text back and let him know that he needed to be back or we'll have to go through with the plan I indicated.
The state isn't very helpful. I get to file another 'runaway' report? In the meantime, he gets to place our family at risk. I have another foster son who's ready to be adopted. My wife fears that if we do a lockout, we'll lose the opportunity to adopt our current foster son. To me, as soon as an adolescent is told, 'you need to be home at such and such a time' and they say, 'well I won't be coming home', they should be immediately put out of the house. What can they possibly be learning when you keep saying, "you need to do this" and they don't comply? They learn that authority figures do not need to be obeyed. Call me old-fashioned but parents need to be in charge and calling the shots.
I'm ready to put his clothes in a bag outside our door. If he feels he is adult enough to be out doing his own thing, then he should be able to take care of himself as well. Is anyone familiar with doing a lock out (has done it or knows someone who did) and what were the consequences?
First, thank God for this website. It's amazing to find out there are other people going through the same things and with such experience.
I have a 15 year old difficult child that we adopted at age 12. Had 3 failed adoptions. In the system since the age of 6. His family history includes violence, prostitution and drug abuse. difficult child has been struggling off and on with drug use, alcohol, truancy from school (started already this year), theft and has a charge against him for explosives. difficult child is rarely here, and I receive texts from him indicating he will not be home tonight, etc.
We've already tried removing privileges including no more cell phone, removing his door on his bedroom for a time, we no longer cook meals for him (he's rarely here to eat them), no longer wash clothes, give him rides, etc M has missed his last diversion appointment, and his case of theft and the case of explosives will now be going to court.
I am amazed at the patience level of some of those who have posted here. My wife has indicated to me that I've been too lenient with him in the past, but some of you have tolerated way more than we. I've wanted to show as much as grace as possible, but the tolerance level has been met.
Earlier today had a conversation with M, letting him know that if he missed curfew again, and purposely indicated that he would not be home, he would no longer be allowed to stay here. I received a text (from someone's phone?) indicating he's out camping somewhere and he'd be home tomorrow. I text back and let him know that he needed to be back or we'll have to go through with the plan I indicated.
The state isn't very helpful. I get to file another 'runaway' report? In the meantime, he gets to place our family at risk. I have another foster son who's ready to be adopted. My wife fears that if we do a lockout, we'll lose the opportunity to adopt our current foster son. To me, as soon as an adolescent is told, 'you need to be home at such and such a time' and they say, 'well I won't be coming home', they should be immediately put out of the house. What can they possibly be learning when you keep saying, "you need to do this" and they don't comply? They learn that authority figures do not need to be obeyed. Call me old-fashioned but parents need to be in charge and calling the shots.
I'm ready to put his clothes in a bag outside our door. If he feels he is adult enough to be out doing his own thing, then he should be able to take care of himself as well. Is anyone familiar with doing a lock out (has done it or knows someone who did) and what were the consequences?